Nowhere To Run

14 - i made a mess of us

"W-why did you c-cheat on me three years ago?" Beam asked softly.

Forth's hand stopped abruptly on Beam's abdomen under the water.

"We really shouldn't talk about that." He answered defensively.

"Why not?" Beam asked, his voice hints of hostility.

"Because it's better left in the past, to be forgotten." Forth leaned back in the tub. His hands went back to caressing Beam's abdomen.

"That's the thing Forth, I never really forgotten any of it.." Beam hugged his knees and rested his forehead on it.

"I can r-remember every hurtful word you said to me like it was.. y-yesterday. I haven't forgotten how I.. I begged on my knees and you pushed me. You pushed me away." Beam choked on his words.

"You c-called me your toy."

"Your plaything."

"And y-you said you n-never loved me."

"That I was just for your entertainment."

His chest weighs heavy as he recalls that dreadful night. Beam rubbed his palm on his chest to soothe the pain. His eyes filled with tears at the brim.

Beam took Forth's hand and placed it on his chest.

"It hurts.. It still hurts.. in here."

Forth leaned forward. His heart aching at what Beam was telling him.

"Beam.."

"I l-lived with that p-pain Forth." Beam's tears fell after the other. He immediately wiped it with the back of his hand.

"One day you loved me and then the next day you were with another girl."

Forth wrapped his arms around Beam, his lips kissing the side of his head unable to say anything.

"I kept asking myself what I did wrong, what I could've done to make you stay. Because up until now I still don't know. I still don't know." Beam felt cold despite being submerged in a warm water.

Forth sighed and massaged his temples.

"I did the things that I did because I had a reason."

Beam shifted from his position to look at Forth.

"Tell me your reason or excuse. Tell me anything.." Beam was pleading.

"What's the point?" Forth responded.

"Why are you so selfish?" He asked as tears drops from his eyes and onto his knees.

Forth clenched his jaw.

"I just want to know. Is it all true? That I was just a toy to you? That you.. that you didn't love me? That it was all a game?" Beam raised his voice, frustrated and hurt.

Forth evaded his gaze, Beam saw him gulped when his adam's apple bobbed up and down.

Beam stood up to leave the tub but his wrist was immediately caught by Forth. It prickled his skin and it felt like he was being set on fire.

He looked down at Forth.

"Don't touch me. Don't ever touch me again."

Pain and hurt written all over his face. His chest felt like it was being punctured by ten thousand needles.

Beam yanked his wrist away from Forth and left the bathroom. Forth followed Beam and found him putting on his clothes, preparing to leave their bedroom.

"You're not going anywhere." He said as if to threaten Beam.

But he never heard any response from him. Beam walked towards the door but Forth was quick to lock it.

"BEAM! I TOLD YOU! YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE! YOU'RE NOT LEAVING ME!" Forth screamed enraged at Beam.

Beam quickly steps back from fear.

"I.. I w-was just going t-to the g-guest bedroom." Beam admitted, planning on sleeping the night away from Forth.

"No. Go to bed." Forth firmly instructed.

Beam shakes his head in refusal. He stared at the floor not wanting to look at his husband.

A rough hand raised his face.

"Beam don't force me to hurt you. Go to our bed and sleep. If I don't see you laying on the bed when I get out of the shower, you will pay like hell. I will fvck you that you'll be limping tomorrow." Forth went back into the bathroom, leaving him with a threat.

Beam stood by the door. He was contemplating on twisting the knob open. Forth's voice echoed in his mind. He shut his eyes tight and turned around. He made his way to the bed and laid down, covering himself with the duvet.

The sound of the rushing water soon stopped. Beam waited for Forth with his eyes closed.

A sigh of relief came from Forth after seeing his husband on their bed. He laid beside him and hugged his back.

"Beam.. "

With all his might Beam supressed his tears, but a single drop found it's way out his eyes down to his pillow.

"I.. What I said that night wasn't true. You were never a game for me. I love you, I never stopped loving you.."