On Her Arms

Chapter 10

Charlie

I wake up in the morning with an awful head ache. Birds are chirping outside and I want to get a gun and shoot every single one of them. Don't they understand not all of us can fly and sing all day. Some of us have better things to do.

I write a letter explaining why I'm gonna do what I'm about to do. I tell them I want roses at my funeral. I basically try my best to make whoever's reading the letter feel bad for me. Guilt is what they'll be feeling. I hope Hayes reads it because half of it is about what an idiot he is. Then I take Debby's orange medicine bottle out of the cabinet in the bathroom and walk to my room.

I take the blade from my razor and cut deeper than I ever had before. It doesn't hurt because it feels like I'm cutting something that's not me. The only reason I'm waisting my time on this is because I want everyone to see what teenage girls do when people ignore them. After twenty minutes, the slightes ray of light slips through my window and I wonder what the world will do today without me. What will they learn at school today? Who will Alexa play 21 with? What lucky girl will get Madelyn's sweater today? You see. I know the world won't stop spinning win I swallow these pills. All I know is that my world will stop spinning. All of the pain and awful thoughts will disappear and I know I'll never wake up.

I pour them in my hand.

5 inches from my mouth.

3 inches.

1 inch.

I can smell the chemicals. Are pills hard to swallow without water?

Hayes. My last damned thought will be of Hayes.

0 inches.

Hayes

The more and more I think about it, the more stupid I feel. I am such an idiot. I already deleted the post, but it had had enough likes for me to know how many people saw it. The worst part is, I don't have the nerve to call her. I don't even have the nerve to send her a text.

Nash walks into my room. He stares at me for a second and then he starts to walk out. "Call me when you feel like talking." He's leaving in a couple of minutes to go to Florida. I was invited, but told everyone I was sick.

I push my hair back. Then my phone rings. I let it ring for a couple of seconds before I pick it up without checking to see who it is. A grown lady with a heavy accent yells into the phone. "What did you do to her?" she screams.

I sit up. "I think you have the wrong number-"

"So you didn't know Charlie-"

My eyes widen. "Yes! I know her."

"You mean you knew her."

I freeze and don't take my eyes off the wall. "Is she okay?"

I don't take my eyes off the wall. I hear someone in the background screaming "Don't tell him, Debby! Please don't tell him!"

"You're not allowed to talk to her. You are not allowed to see her. You can just forget she exists because she almost didn't a few minutes ago."

"What do you mean?"

"Don't tell him!"

"Charlotte cut her arms open and took my bottle of pills. I walk in and there she is, sitting on her bed with about thirty of them in her hand. Would've swallowed them if I hadn't have slapped them out of her hand and held her arms down." Her accent makes it a little hard to understand but I get the idea. Charlie tried to kill herself because of me. Charlie was gonna kill herself because of what I did. "So you are not allowed to speak to her anymore. We are about to head out to the hospital."

The only thing I can think of to say is "Do I get to say sorry."

I hear her press her lips together. Then Charlotte is crying through the phone. "I don't know what I was thinking. I was just so angry and sad and upset... I just didn't want to live anymore."

"Promise me."

"I hate promises."

"Promise me or I'll make sure we'll never see each other again." Of course, I don't think I could stand that.

"I love you" she whispers.

Tears well up in my eyes. "Promise."

"I love you but I hate myself in a way that you could never understand. A hatred this strong can't be overcome by something as silly as love. Just know that I love you."

The line goes silent. I lie there for a second. Nash walks in. "Hey, have you seen my..."

I look straight at the wall.

"What's wrong?" He stands in the doorway.

"Charlie tried to committ suicide because of the picture I posted. I'm not allowed to see her anymore."

Nash scratches the back of his head. "Says who."

"Her mom. She even told me that she didn't want to see me. I just don't know what to do." I get up and walk around the room.

"I'm pretty sure this is a test."

I stop walking. "A test?"

"Dude, girls are complicated. She wants to see if you care enough. You might be life and death for her right now. Ignore what she said and go see her."

"In the hospital?" I ask.

"In the hospital."

"Right now?"

"Right now."

I grab my backpack and stuff as many clothes as I can in it. Then I take my wallet and stuff it in my back pocket. I walk past my brother. "Hey, Nash" I say.

"Yep?"

"Thanks."