IGNORED. "That's what mobs are"

Chapter 25 - Calian

I didn't mean to push her away. I know she means well, but today, just today...

There's an aching feeling inside, a growing mass of anxiety that never seems to disappear. I know what this is, I know what's causing it.

Disappointment,

'You are not enough.'

Self hatred,

'Why am I this way?'

There doesn't seem to be a time where I wasn't struggling, trying my best to become something meaningful. Wondering if I was enough, if I was the problem, if I... If I had just tried harder...

"Cal? I'm worried about you." (Mercia)

What for? You don't really like me enough to care. The only reason you're like this is because there's no one else but me to take care of you. All alone, filled with the intelligence to understand that you were never needed...

In some ways, we really are similar.

I reached out to you, just to make sure you don't end up hating the world. To always be that weird girl whose silly little antics always makes me laugh.

I'm trying to be the best brother, to fulfill the role of the family you never had. Just today, just today...

"Go away, just leave me. I need some time alone."

I can tell she was getting a little mad from the way she stomped her little feet as she went away.

I never want her to see me so small, so insignificant...so insecure.

Just the mention of meeting my father, I tremble a little. The memories of his disappointed eyes as he stares right into me, knowing fully well that I am nothing to him, not even worthy enough to be a disposable pawn.

Then, what can I be? How shall I live my life from now on? Is there a point to being alive?

Mercia is the only thing holding me back, I have to become a good brother for her. It's bad enough that she was not accepted into the family, but even being ignored by that man... She has no hope.

I have to change how things are for her. I know I have to. All the small things I've planned out are for that purpose. I just wasn't prepared to go head to head against my father yet.

.

For awhile I've been jealous of my sister.. she's loved by all and scorned by none. How easy it is to live her life? Thoughts of leaving Mercia to fend for herself and joining my other siblings have passed my mind a couple of times, and I'm always glad to say that it didn't stay. If I didn't have Mercia, I don't think I'd keep sane.

There's almost a unique charm to Bianca, all my friends adored her, my trusted aides all seem to flock to her like flies to the light. I don't share the same thoughts. All I see is a future of strife, with Rick as the future king, the kingdom will surely crumble. Not to mention the chaos Bianca would create once she comes of age.

"Marcia, are you still out there?"
"..."
"No." (Mercia)

Of course she's still there. She's too stubborn to leave.

"Why didn't you leave?"
"Say you're not secretly happy I stayed, I dare you." (Mercia)
"I'm not secretly happy you stayed."
"You're lying, Cal! Just watch m stay here till you apologize to me! (Mercia)

A thud, I could already picture her frowning face as she grumbles and sits in front of the door. What does she expect me to do? I'm upset, she should know I hated this. Do I need to explain to her how complex this whole situation really is? Once the ball happens, when all the princes gain spotlight... they would finally see me. The prince with no support, no followers. On the surface, at least.

"What are you doing there, moping around? Come out here and accompany me to get some snacks, I promise it'll make you feel better." (Mercia)
"I don't care."
"Really, why are you so annoying sometimes, I'm trying to make you feel better-!" (Mercia)

Her voice halted as I flung open the door, stretching my arms and pulling her in for a hug, "Yes, I know.. you're the best sister ever and I should treasure you more." My breath chocked up a little, I really don't think I have it in me, to one day let this girl go. Just imagining the disasters she'd make, all the things she'd do that'll amaze the world.

"I'm sorry, Mercia."
"I know, already, there there."

She patted my back and treated me like a little kid, I really wonder who really is older between us.

"How long did you you wait outside?"
"Long enough to make me hungry, get me something to eat." (Mercia)
"Why do I get the feeling that you've grown more spoilt over the years?"
"What are you trying to say? Between us, I think I'm the more mature one, you're just an annoying brat who pretends to be a grown up, like right now...." (Mercia)
"Yeah, sorry."

It's about time for the ball to start, I have no choice but to get ready. Calling a maid, I pushed Mercia onto her and instructed her to prep her up for the ball, although she wouldn't be getting much attention. I needed some space to gather my wits and face my father.

.

Finally ready, I hurried to meet Triel, who had decided that his lifelong fear of women was nothing but a challenge from above to find the right lady for him, and that was Bianca. Of course, this was just a ruse to fool the masses. He sent a message that he accepted my proposal and wanted to meet. The words on the letter told me he had finally grown out of his shy shell.

"Calian, you're finally here. It's starting soon, if you miss this chance, there might not be another." (Triel)
"Relax. Bianca my saintly sister wouldn't start the show without all her faithful admirers. Don't give me that look, I'm praising her."

Although a ruse, Triel was actually interested in Bianca.

"Yeah, well you better get your head in the game. How long will you be scared? I can't act my part this if you don't complete your part as well." (Triel)
"Scared? Never."

I looked at the magnificent doors of the ballroom, the rest of my family must already be there and all they're waiting for is the bell to chime, to finally welcome guests and celebrate their precious daughter's debut.

.

Author note : Okay, so this time it's a Calian POV. This was actually already in draft form way before my long hiatus. I wrote somethings here and there, as you can tell, my whole writing vibe has changed. Which is why I'm afraid to step back into this story, or any other story for that matter, as you can tell (and probs rlly hate me for) I don't finish my stories. Not a good trait, I know.

Also, it's been so long, I had to re read it. Also I don't remember how old everyone is. Is Bianca like 12? Then does that mean Triel is also twelve? What kind of 12 year old turns into a Casanova? None! Does that mean rick is 13? Or was he two years older? What about purple hair who I never seem to remember what his name really is. Who made this story?? It makes no sense and the incest is so promoted (no it's not)!!! Uhh, who cares about side characters like Tony (do u remember him?) or Triel, or those two teacher dudes... so long story short, I'll be posting some stuff (hopefully new chapters) and leaving a few comments on my own writing, hahaha.