Don't Leave Me | Analogical

6. Library

POV: Virgil

Logan seemed to treat me differently since he read that hellish poem. He spoke slightly calmer, his actions became gentler and his words sounded kinder. I wasn't yet sure if it made me feel better or worse.

It was two in the afternoon and we were sitting in the library, which was our hanging out spot since we met over a year ago. However, today we were in the local library instead of the university one as Logan was trying to find a specific book. After having no luck at the university earlier that day, he suggested checking the regular library near town centre.

I sat at a desk and watched as Logan browsed the shelves, running a finger across the spines and muttering to himself as he searched the numerous titles. I could tell he finally found something because his eyes lit up and he pulled one out from its position. He flicked through it before nodding in satisfaction when it turned out to be the one he wanted.

"I told you I'd find it here." He smiled and sat opposite me at the desk. He set the book down in front of him and opened it on the first page.

I rolled my eyes. "Only took like half an hour." I muttered, drumming my fingers on the table. I had started to get bored quite quickly today and I had no idea why. Usually libraries calmed me down but it was as if my brain needed a distraction that day. Logan raised an eyebrow and gestured to the book I had open in front of me, which I had abandoned a good few minutes ago. I scrunched my nose and shrugged in response. "Not very thrilling."

"You should have gone to find a different one then."

"Watching you was entertaining enough." I smirked. "You talk to yourself a lot." Logan frowned in surpise and I could almost catch a small blush dusting his cheeks. I laughed slightly at his reaction.

"I... wasn't aware of that habit." He admitted, looking down at his book to avoid my gaze.

"Now you do." I rolled my eyes again and slumped further down in my seat, flicking through the pages absentmindedly and watching as Logan's attention was once again diverted to his reading. He could read much faster than I could and was already a quarter of the way into the book when the clock struck three. I attempted to continue reading the words in front of me but I still couldn't focus. Each sentence dragged on for eternity and sometimes my brain wouldn't even process what they were saying.

I glanced up at Logan, about to complain again, but I snapped my mouth shut when my eyes looked past his shoulder and landed on someone else.

About five aisles down from our table stood Dee, talking with one of his mates. His face was twisted into his signature smirk and his confident posture was enough to make people move out of the way for him. Why on Earth was he in a library?

The sound of my own heartbeat filled my head and I could feel my hands shake at the mere sight of him. I quickly pulled my hood up over my head and ducked down out of view, thankfully hidden by Logan. My heart rate continued to rise and I could tell my breathing was becoming erratic as the anxiety kicked in. I gripped my hands together to stop them trembling, but I didn't have much luck.

Why did I have to have an attack here? Why did it have to be in public where everyone could see me and judge me? If Logan noticed, he'd only do something to draw more attention and the thought of that made my stomach churn. "Keep it under control!" I told myself sternly, squeezing my eyes shut and forcing myself to take deeper breaths.

I buried my head in my arms and continued my attempts to keep my breathing somewhat even. I must have made a small noise because I felt Logan's hand touch my arm gently.

"Virgil?" His voice was hushed. "Are you okay?"

I didn't reply. I knew that if I tried to speak, I'd lose control of my breathing again. I concentrated harder, blocking out Logan's words.

"Whoa! Stop that." I felt him roughly grab my right hand and pull it away from where it gripped my left wrist. I hadn't realised I was still holding it to stop the shaking. I finally looked up, wanting to know why Logan felt the need to pry my fingers away.

When I looked down at my wrist, I realised that my nails had made red marks all over my skin, even breaking it in certain places, causing small beads of blood to appear. I bit my lip in embarrassment. I hadn't even felt it happen.

"Virgil, tell me what happened." Logan asked, leaning forward on the table. I still didn't trust myself to speak so I glanced past him and he followed my gaze. However, Dee was gone and I sighed in relief, feeling the panic slowly start to leave me.

"He was h-here." I mumbled once I knew for certain I wouldn't start hyperventilating. Logan immediately knew what I meant and he squeezed my hand reassuringly. "Sorry..."

"What did I say about apologising?" Logan replied calmly.

I sighed and quoted what he had said to me every single time. "I don't need to do it. It's not my fault."

"Exactly." Logan smiled as he watched me. He gently took my arm and inspected the scratches I had made. "You shouldn't do that, Virgil. You could seriously hurt yourself."

It was easier said than done, considering the fact I was never aware when it happened.

"Let's go home. We might need to disinfect the cuts." Logan announced and went to front desk to borrow his book out.  I pulled the sleeves of my hoodie over my hands and crossed my arms, keeping the hood on my head as I sank lower in my seat.

I wanted to disappear.