Don't Leave Me | Analogical

17. You're Safe

Virgil's POV

"Virgil!" Logan's voice rang out through the apartment and I poked my head out from my room.

"Yeah?" I moved my headphones down to hang around my neck. "Something wrong?"

"What did I ask you to do two hours ago?"

I froze and racked my brain. He definitely did say something, I could clearly remember the moment. What was it though? It was probably important. Why didn't I remember it? Why didn't I do it immediately? Oh god, I probably messed something up again.

"I... I don't know..." I answered cautiously as I walked out of the room and into the kitchen, where I had heard Logan call from.

"I asked you to do the dishes, Vee." Logan was frowning slightly as he gestured to the sink loaded with dirty plates, cutlery and pans. "This is the third time you haven't done them."

"Shit, sorry." I fiddled with the edge of my sleeve and shrugged. "I forgot."

He sighed and fixed his glasses. "You know that I prefer things done on time. Routine is very important and helps us keep a habit of doing chores regularly. If you do things irregularly you'll keep forgetting it, as you have just proven."

"Jeez, Lo. I said I'm sorry." I raised my hands up defensively. "I can't help it if I forget something! It's not like it's on purpose."

"I am aware that you wouldn't do such a thing on purpose." Logan reassured me. "However, you should try to put more effort into following the routines I have tried to put in place for us."

"Isn't that restricting? You know deadlines give me anxiety!" I was getting frustrated now. "And I do put in effort!" The thought that Logan assumed I'm not trying was really disheartening and my chest tightened.

"In this case, I think a routine would benefit your anxiety!" Logan insisted, his voice getting slightly raised. "You would always know what's coming next!"

"But I can't! It's hard to stick to a schedule, ok? Why is that so hard to understand?"

"Why can't you ever just try?!"

"I do try! I swear I do!"

"No, you don't!" Logan's voice hit shouting level and my head suddenly spun.

I froze as panic engulfed my body and refused to let me move. I was suddenly back at Dee's house all those years ago, getting yelled at, getting punished for not doing things. For not trying hard enough. It was never enough. No matter how much I strained and sacrificed my time, effort and sanity, it was never enough.

I was never enough.

I felt the tears roll down my cheeks but no sobs broke through me. I was shaking; with fear, anger and frustration.

"Virgil?" Logan's voice cut through the haze of the moment. "Oh my god, Virgil, I'm so sorry. Everything is ok, Vee, I promise. Focus on me please, you're safe, it's 2020 and you're safe with me. I'm sorry I raised my voice, I didn't mean to. Please forgive me, Virgil, I promise I'm not mad at you."

My eyes finally focused on Logan's worried face as I blinked away the tears. I felt his arms around me and the shaking subsided. Reality came back to me and I regained control of my thoughts and limbs. I slowly raised my arms to hug Logan back, silently nuzzling his shoulder.

I was safe.

***

We sat curled up on the sofa together, watching the news. It was mostly depressing subjects so Logan quickly flicked to a different channel, showing a nature documentary.

"Feeling better?" Logan asked for the hundredth time that evening, running his hand through my hair.

I nodded. "It's okay Logan, it's not your fault."

"Quite the contrary, it was my—"

"Shush, nerd." I smiled and placed a finger on his lips. "It's fine, I promise. I wouldn't break up with you because of something I can't control."

"Okay, Vee." Logan finally sighed and relaxed more against me. Some time passed and the conversation turned into small talk.

I frowned. "I feel bad for Roman. Him and his brother seemed inseparable."

"Family bonds aren't always as strong as they may seem." Logan stated sadly. "People change."

"Yeah... he seemed really distraught."

"I'm sure Patton takes great care of him. That guy is like the designated Mum Friend."

I chuckled. "You're right. If anyone can make Roman feel better, it's Patton." I squeezed my boyfriend's hand. "And I have you to make me feel better."

"Indeed you do." He smiled at me and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. "They haven't called us in a while though." His eyebrows furrowed. "I hope they're okay."

"Hey, it's my job to worry." I nudged him lightly.

"Oh I know, dear." A small smirk spread across his lips but it quickly vanished again. "It's just that I know what it feels like to be rejected by family and... I would like to make sure he is okay."

"We could go visit them tomorrow if you want?" I suggested, shifting my position so I was sitting on his lap and facing him. "Would that make you feel better?"

"That would be adequate, yes." Logan smiled at me. "Thank you Vee."

"Of course." I grinned and gave his lips a soft peck. "I don't want you in a bad mood."

Logan sighed and placed a hand on my cheek gently. I thought it was just an intimate gesture but he suddenly pulled me forward for a proper kiss, which I gladly accepted. His lips were softer than usual, his movements slower and gentler than usual. When I finally pulled away, the look in his eyes was full of love and care for me. I melted on the spot.

Seeing me get all flustered, Logan chuckled. "I expected that reaction."

I mumbled a barely audible "Shut up."

"I just wanted to apologise again for—"

I interrupted him with another kiss. "Nope." I shook my head. "Enough apologies. I know you didn't mean it."

He smiled. "Alright. We should go to bed then."

"But I wanna cuddle!"

"We can cuddle in bed, Vee."

"But..." As I fought for a counterargument, I was knocked off my position on his lap and fell sideways onto the sofa with a yelp.

With a pout and some grumbling I finally allowed myself to be lead to the bedroom where we got to snuggle up and fall asleep. Logan's atm was wrapped around me protectively, as if to remind me: "You're safe here".

And I believed him.