A LEAP OF THE EARLY BIRD

If only tears could whisper the truth...

If a broken heart could speak, what would it say? Would it scream out a thousand words filled with pain, hurt, and sorrow? Or would it whisper one single word "stay"...? Would the heart beg the owner's forgiveness for feeling what it felt? Or would it demand of its owner to listen to what it felt and fight for the love that fills it?

Sanem was in love. She had not searched for it. She had not dreamed of it. She had not even had any understanding of what it could do to a person. But love found her. It filled her. It enlightened her. And she surrendered to it completely. Because the love she felt for Can was stronger than she was. As much as it hurt her, she wanted to feel it. As much as it scared her, she hadn't found the will to turn away from it before it was too late. And now it was. Too late for her. Too late for him. Because truth of the matter was that she possessed something that drew him to her. She understood it more now than ever. More than she was willing to admit to him..

Sitting next to Ayhan, Sanem fell silent. She knew that she could just sit with Ayhan, without words, without tears, with just mere whispers exchanged between them. She knew that Ayhan knew. She felt that Ayhan felt. She was in love, hopelessly and without hope. Ayhan tried her best to bring in even a tiniest bit of light to Sanem's dimmed heart filled with sorrow. She knew she would not, but at least she tried. She knew that loud Sanem was a happy Sanem. Quiet Sanem almost did not exist, so to see her best friend quiet and withdrawn meant that something profound happened. And not good at all. Sanem did not have to tell her she was in love. But she did reveal to Ayhan that she figured out that Can figured it out first. He was there wherever she turned. He was there even if he did not need to be. He was there even when she sent him away.

Ayhan had no words to offer to her. What she said only made things worse. So Can would move on. So Can could have women fall at his feet. That he could do. But would he? Would she move on? Could she ever? Would she be capable of it? Sanem told Ayhan she would, though she knew it might take her an entire life. Such powerful feelings never went away smoothly, or quickly.

Especially when out of the blue Can showed up back at her house. Unannounced. And just assumed she would see him. She could not decide if her raging heart beat sped up because she was mad at him for coming back, or if it did so because she was happy to see him. Nonetheless, she told herself she would not speak to him, and just like that she decided to run. She thought she'd escaped free and clear of Can, only to turn around and stand face to face with him. The fear in her eyes matched confusion and admiration for her skills in Can's eyes. For he could not figure out what more she could surprise him with. It was not everyday that he came across a woman capable of climbing down walls as easily as a cat.

They sat by the embankment. Their usual spot. The familiar rocks welcomed them with a peaceful breeze and serene sound of the faint waves of the Bosphorus. But the scene that played out was nothing pleasant or peaceful. Can came to see her. Felt like he had to. But she kept quiet. So very much unlike her. She was no fool, but she had no answers to the questions he asked. Why did she come by his house? Why did she accept his hand and walked away with him when he asked her to follow? Why did she walk for miles and miles to look for him in the forest? Why did she seek for him? Why did she seek him out? She could not answer. Would not know how to. Would not know where to look for words that would not come out of her mouth? To speak hurt. To stay silent hurt more. And she finally realized that she could no longer keep the tears in her heart from falling down her cheeks. They flowed now, and she would not be able to stop them.

The tears burned. Each fresh one rolled off her cheek and burned more than the one before. She could not stop them. Would not know how to. And to see that he saw her tears felt even worse. Because he felt worse. And he was confused. He told her to listen to her heart and her soul. How could she if they were tearing her apart because they felt overpowered by her love for him and at the same time her despair from lying to him? Her sense of rightousness would not let her reveal just how much she loved him. But nothing prepared her for how painfully hurt she would feel for having to tell him one last word that night. One word that broke her heart and broke her spirit. It burned out that light of innocence she always felt inside. Can asked her the same question she asked him before. And he had never been more serious in his life. He would stay if she asked him to stay. But if she did not... If she told him to leave, she would not see him again. Ever...

The word that came out of her mouth was the most painful one she would ever tell him in all of their lives. One word. One lonely word that affected them both. Both, because she saw in his eyes that he had feelings for her too. Because he opened up to her. And she saw in his eyes that she hurt him. How deep, she only understood after he heard her whisper "leave. He matched her tears with tears of his own. If only her tears could whisper the truth... But he walked away. And all she could do was wish that one day she would be able to mend her heart whole again...