A LEAP OF THE EARLY BIRD

In the heart of the lonely...

The worst part of existing in a world of one-sided love and affection is the void that fills the heart. To love one-sidedly oftentimes leads to endless hours of dreamfilled thinking. Yearning for one's touch. Hoping for another moment of closeness. Waiting for that moment to come. It is a completely different matter to be faced with the notion that, in fact, the one-sided love is not one-sided at all. That the other heart feels it as well, but both hearts are unable to let that love flow. That misfortune may most likely lead to sleepless nights, where the heart all but screams out of the chest and calls out the other heart's name.

To live in a world where he fell in love but was unable to hold his beloved crushed Can's heart. To know his heart opened to Sanem but was unable to feel her heart within his crushed his spirit. He became quiet again. Reserved. Especially around Polen. He no longer felt relaxed around her. He closed himself off. Once that gate closed, he was fully aware it would not open again. His heart, mind, and gut all agreed to that. Because all of his being was overtaken by Sanem. His heart yearned for her. His ears begged for her voice. His eyes demanded her sight. His hands searched for her touch. They both fell for each other. He was sure of it. Had to be sure of it. He would not accept a reality in which he meant nothing to her. That would be the end of him...

He thanked his fate that her fate brought her back to the agency, and back to him. His gut had told him to stay. He never doubted his gut before, and it proved itself right yet again. Even if she fought against herself and her feelings for him. Being close to her was enough for now. Had to be. The future was his to decide, and strike when he gathered more courage. She would not refuse him again. How could she? He was sure she would not. He hoped she would not. So he would spend away hours and days and months at the agency, managing the agency and managing his time with her. At least he was given more opportunities to work with her at the agency. But then again, how many times could he request tea before bursting? So sometimes he would just look at her. Quietly search for her eyes looking at him.

All Can wanted to do is look at her, if she would not permit for anything else. Sanem came and went by his office, and he was fully aware he had not accomplished anything at work that day. Perhaps one. He turned the computer on. Other than that, nothing. If it wasn't Levent disrupting his toughts, it was Polen. At least Levent made it possible for him to look forward to and plan for another day with Sanem out of the work environment. Polen came in and not only interrupted his closest of encounters with Sanem, she scared her away. He knew from that skin-boiling moment he would not be able to concentrate at all. He decided to leave, and Polen agreed.

On his way out, preoccupied with his jacket, he bumped into Sanem. Or rather, she fell right into his arms. Again. Oh, if only he could have kept her there. She looked both stunned and stunning. He gave into the urge to caress her hair away from her face. He missed it, missed the touch and feel if it. He made sure to keep his fingers in her hair a second longer than needed. Out of nowhere Sanem asked if he was okay with picking her up tomorrow because he had reconciled with Polen. He did not know if her words angered him more or the implication of them. He set the record straight. They had not reconciled. That was the only truth. He was as honest as possible. He succeeded. And watched that light of joy flash back into Sanem's eyes. She called for truce, and he most happily agreed. Suddenly Sanem saw her bandana. No, now his bandana, he corrected her. It was his, for he found it. It meant more to him than she could have imagined. It was not a trophy, but a keepsake of utmost importance to his heart. To make matters more evident to her, he told her that it matched his style, and asked if she not only agreed but whether she approved of his new accessory. And again took full advantage of the situation. He made her fall silent by gently touching her lips with his finger. It drove her crazy. If she could only imagine how it made HIM feel. That was his mistake, but with the greatest reward. Not only did he made her loose the argument, not only did he leave triumphant, but he left with her fuming.

That little encounter still played vividly in his mind later that evening when he read by the pool. He read their favorite book. He was glad he knew the words on the pages, for he could not concentrate. He read and daydreamed. The words his eyes saw were clouded by the sight of Sanem's eyes, his hand burned from the touch of her hair and her lips. He had not even noticed Polen swimming up to him in the pool. She advised him to join her. And seemed visibly disappointed he did not abide by her request. He would not have dared. Not the way he felt. Above all he had always been honest, and always a gentleman. He kept his distance, for his soul had withdrew from Polen and her affection.

In his heart, in the heart of the lonely, there was only space for Sanem. Whether she accepted him or not at the moment. Whether she acknowledged his feelings, or not. The fact that she had not become indifferent to him mattered above all. And with this thought still on his mind he drifted to sleep, again in the outdoor, again under the blanket of the stairs. Fully content that those same stars shone over Sanem's heart filled with his love...