100 Letters To My Future Self

27th Letter: Mixtape #4 And The Story Of The Broken Compass

Dear Future Me,

Darkness is attacking me again. I know I'm stronger now, but I can still feel it's impact on me. It crashes itself against me and my heart feels like it's being pressed hard between two solid blocks. It's suffocating me, sucking all the air inside my lungs. The loneliness becomes suddenly unbearable and I feel so alone right now.

And this leads me to listen to the songs I've been crazily listening to for these past few days. One particular song is called Mixtape #4 and I just don't know why but I kind of got the feels from this song. The lyrics got me and made me realized that I shouldn't give up now. That I know it's dark and I couldn't seem to find direction but I have to follow my heart because it knows where to go.

So here's the lyrics. I highlight the parts that inspire me. I hope it will inspire you too.

*********

Hundreds of different paths always without a solution
Confuses me with the unlimited extent
Read others' feelings by tilting my head not to look different
For fear of blushing if I take the wrong path

At some point music started to intervene in my path
And control me

(At some point when music controls me, life have been better)

I picked a new path and did as I want
When I failed, I stood up again
To those who thought I gave up, I stick out my tongue

Without knowing where the treasure island is
Lots of reefs during the long voyage in the open sea
I find my dream with a compass
Without comparing to others, I'm getting closer to my dream

When I'm asked where I want to head for
I don't have the answer
Aimless sailing
I should stop wandering
When the doubtful needle of my compass
Turns round and round
Whether it's against its will
It follows the sense of direction of others
When others follow that, I won't

Even if they call me a clown
Even if my compass looks broken to them
I move at my own will
A real-life Jack Sparrow

This spot where I'm floating
Has never been visited anyone by sailing
On the deep and dark ocean
I was afraid because it was the first time
When others drift away
We'll go against the current

Sailors wandering the ocean
Hoping to be a captain
Music is the ocean
I'm not lonely even if others turn away from me

As long as I stay with my heart
I lean on the broken compass yeah

I'm floating under the moon in the dark night
Will the stars and the moon show me?
Where's my sailing heading for?
Don't I have confidence of an exclamation mark
Rather than a question mark?

Pull yourself together don't give up
Where you're heading for is right

Whatever it is, trust your choice and just follow it

You can do it
I believe you and trust you forever
Even if I'm swept by the endless current
Don't stop, go forward on my path

Even if I can be swayed, I'll never be broken

Keep looking up to the sky
I be dreaming high up in the sky
Without direction, follow the wind comfortably
Trust us and go into the clouds, just gotta fly
Sail across the world, this is our time
Stray Kids 9 or none
We're gonna cross the finish line
No stopping time when all we see are goals in our sights

No turning back, push forward, rise above the light

This spot where I'm floating
Has never been visited anyone by sailing
On the deep and dark ocean
I was afraid because it was the first time
When others drift away
We'll go against the current
Sailors wandering the ocean
Hoping to be a captain
Music is the ocean
I'm not lonely even if others turn away from me
As long as I stay with my heart
I lean on the broken compass yeah

I often walk alone
The empty ocean and desert
Looking for a road, got no place to go like
I can't see anything

It's been a year and it's true now
Call me captain, I'll do it for my crew now

2018 that's when I started
My precious team is my compass

(I love how Chan refers to his team as his compass. He's being a great leader.)

Even if other ships are busy moving
Only with my compass on my hand
In this wide ocean endlessly unfolding
I'm getting closer to the goal slowly
There are lots of things I can see
Only here, don't regret
Yes, only if I endure
I can see everything I dreamed

When others drift away
We'll go against the current
Sailors wandering the ocean
Hoping to be a captain
Music is the ocean
I'm not lonely even if others turn away from me
As long as I stay with my heart
I lean on the broken compass yeah

*********

So that's Mixtape 4 by Stray Kids and it's really a motivating one. You should listen to it sometimes, especially when you're having a hard time. It did help. And watch the video too. I know their faces already and I still don't have a bias. So please write to me. Where you are now, I'm sure you have finally chosen a bias. So write to me about him and tell me how he became your bias. We'll share a lot of stories and lots of memories about Stray Kids. I'll tell you where it all began and you'll tell me where it leads both of us.

Love always,
Magicshop