How To Be A HoRRiBle Person ✅ #TheWattys2017

Ch.4- Dumb Sh*t Girls Do For Boys

CH.4- Dumb Sh*t Girls Do For Boys

Despite being so confident when I was young I was also very sensitive and shy.

9

In Elementary school I had this gold notebook I would bring to class sometimes and pass around. This kid Brandon would take it and try to get my phone number from it or stick his school picture in it, stupid kid shit. I don't think I ever liked him, but I definitely liked the attention. The thing about Brandon was, if were being honest well he wasn't the cutest kid at school if you know what I mean... he wasn't Ryan

Everyone. Including me, had a crush on Ryan... Brandon wasn't Ryan who we all thought spit gold.

I had it pretty bad for Ryan, me and my best friend Hailey both. I don't know why, he kind of looked like a young Ron Stoppable from Kim Possible and he had a pig nose. But I think this was the first time I really pined after someone, you know? Like actually sat at home cooking up ideas to make him like me. He was popular and nice. So I schemed for him. My great idea was to pretend like I couldn't speak.... Yup, That's what I cooked up, in my weird little 2nd grade head. I have no clue how this was supposed to attract a boy, the old damsel in distress move.

It was working until Hailey told Ryan to say hi to me and my voice was miraculously returned to me. Im kidding, it wasn't ever working but still you have to admit that was a cunt move...That was maybe the first time I saw what women were willing to do to other women for boys. We were only like nine too and to clarify Hailey was like the sweetest kid outside of that one catty move I've weirdly remembered.

In our fake tv drama I would be cast as the villain between us way before her so don't get the wrong idea, but It was still my first taste of backstabbing on the minor league level and it stung. I didn't know friends did that too each other... I liked him a lot but he was just a boy, right?

I was also 100 percent brat at that time so honestly I don't think I ever really considered Hailey being the one that gets Ryan if I wanted him. It's not like she wasn't pretty enough or something cuz she was, but more like when I wanted something I didn't consider not getting it. Confidence? Cockiness? Maybe I just liked Ryan because everyone else liked him and I liked the challenge.

Brandon liked me and I liked that he liked me.

But let's be real, the popular, self obsessed little brats I was friends with in elementary school would have never let me like a kid like Brandon, but Brandon didn't get the memo and even if he did, I don't think Brandon would have cared.

On Valentines day Brandon got brave. and walked the 5 feet from his group to mine solo and in front of my little girl possy handed me a heart shaped candy with the classic quote "Will You Be Mine?" He had a big cocky smile on his face and because I was embarrassed by that and reeling off my Ryan embarrassment sitting in my little group. I stood up and threw it hard into the trash can in front of him, and sat back down while everyone laughed, and said "ohhh" face red, angry, mad that he embarrassed me.

How dare he like me. The stereotypical, I want you to like me...wait...you like me!?!?...Well I'm going to punish you for it then.

It reminds me of a quote I saw online once

"Let's be friends, Just friends. I'm not ready for a relationship but I expect you to do things with me considered inappropriate in terms of a friendship, Were not together, you can't claim me, you can't be with anyone but me. I need you to be loyal but i'll do what I want and when you get mad, i'll tell you were not together. If you catch feelings, i'll become distant. You knew what this was...I told you, I'm not ready for a relationship." -"Dating" 2016 Female via Instagram

I was immediately sorry I did it. immediately embarrassed I acted that way, which doesn't mean much, because I was 9 so In my mind I just had to stick to it, the anger, and I did because it was too late to back peddle and apologize, but I wonder if he still remembers that, having to walk back to his friends alone like that, and that was the last time he talked to me.

I actually think I even might have sort of liked him, but just never said anything, because he wasn't the guy you liked, which was pretty fucking sad. I seemed like a tougher kid but I was very very sensitive as well. I cried a lot. So I should have known better than to make someone feel like that. It really bothers me, still, which is why it made it here.

I would have never dated Brandon and he grew up to be a kid I would have never ever dated, and I'm sure the feeling would have been mutual, but I always felt a tiny bit ashamed whenever I saw him after that. We went to middle school, and all throughout high school together, but we never spoke after that, and when I did see him we pretended not to know each other, like everyone does at that age. and maybe he really did forget me, it was a long ass time ago, but even as an adult I was embarrassed by the way I treated him, so I consciously tried to never do it again, to never make another guy feel stupid for showing me there vulnerability, not saying I always succeeded because I haven't, but the key word here is try.

My school report cards always read disruptive, me and my gold notebook, and talking in class, but I was also very sensitive and they showed that too. I cried a lot. I don't know why I would do that to someone.

Oh and as for Ryan, me and Hailey did end up sistering up. We talked together and decided to tell Ryan at the same time, on a field trip in the backseat of Mike Letonos moms car that we liked him. We counted together out-loud "Hey Ryan, One, Two, Three, We like you!" We yelled. Which looking back seems like a terrible idea, but It was fucking adorable. Mike Letonos mom just about had a heart palpitation we were so cute, and Ryan looked like he was in heaven, like he thought so much of himself in that moment, like he wasn't sure just which one he would pick, by the time we got back to the classroom I didn't like him anymore. I told Hailey she could have him, but she said she didn't like him either. I still don't know If this was true or she was just bowing out to be my girl, but it brought us closer, it was also a strange thing for me, getting over something that fast. I even tried to like him again but I couldn't.