Hell To Heaven [ BXB ]

Chapter 8

Michael's POV

Saying I am shocked would totally be an understatement. For a few moments, I think about what is going on right now. 

Though a bit scared by his sudden anger, I do realise how true his words are. Does he really think I don't want to stop all this?

The things he said, the things familiar to me that I want to act upon, managed to cut right through my heart. Suddenly, I feel something boiling up within me with every passing second as his earnest eyes linger over mine.

Frustration. That's what I'm feeling right now.

But just as I'm about to release the said feeling, something else dawns upon me making me ever so confused. That something surely holds more power as it is the first thing that comes out of my mouth instead of my pent up frustration that is on the verge of exploding out.

"..But aren't you the same like them?"

There. I say it straight to his face. That 'something' I wanted to clarify first.

It's hard to decipher what he is feeling or thinking right now as he just sits there doing nothing but stare at me with those hazel eyes. He opens and closes his mouth blinking unsurely. He turns ahead closing his eyes for a moment before sighing and looking at me again as he seems like he is about to say something. 

A chuckle escapes my lips. A bitter one. 

"You do know you are like them right? You know you enjoy hurting me the most. Or let me just say...you are the worst." 

I absolutely have no idea where I'm getting this sudden confidence from that's making me do things I'll surely regret later. But I decide to let it be. For once.

"Retaliate you say?...I would rather like to choke them to death with these hands of mine. That's what you can think of when the anger within you is so much that it starts eating you out. It corrupts your mind and soul! I hate the fact even more that I feel guilty whenever I get thoughts like these. And don't get too shocked when I say that you are the first person I want to see suffering in pain!"

He looks at me astounded as his eyes go wide. I speak again looking at him in his eyes as my voice rises an octave higher.

"Do you really think I don't want to do anything about this? I'm a fucking human for god's sake!! But I'm used to all of you treating me like shit that makes me even regret my existence. I hate you! I hate you all so much!! You aren't  the one in my shoes or else you would have known what it feels like being tortured and people making you feel worthless! Why the sudden change? Even you being nice to me makes me afraid of your intentions. You saw my pathetic condition and now you decide to be sympathetic? Like you care?  You don't know what is it to never have a proper meal, to never have a loving family, to live blaming yourself for your mother's death, to let people step on you, fear every upcoming second of your life, t-to yearn... for someone to care." I choke as I hold back my sobs, my vision already blurry due to tears.

"But you know what? At some point, I stopped blaming others. It's all my fault in the end. I'm just weak. The weakest. I'm every other name you all call me. I don't have the guts to face the world that has been nothing but cruel to me. And you..Don't you dare lecture me upon my struggles! But wait..what's more funny is that I'm scared of you. Hah! I really have no shame. It's all because of me. It's all my fault. I-I...it.." Holding my face in my palms, I start sobbing as I can't stop the tears any longer. The teardrops along with the raindrops make me feel all the more weak and shattered.  

I leave without taking a single look at Shawn, who I know is way more shocked than me due to all this that is happening right now. I just want to be alone. 

I was able to avoid Shawn and even Thomas for the time being. I enter my maths class sitting at my usual place. My clothes have managed to dry as thankfully, I was not that wet. 

Maths. Means Shawn will be here. 

Ugh! Why did I even do that? Am I the same Michael? As I had known, I instantly regretted being so bold in front of Shawn, slapping myself several times feeling utterly embarrased. I don't think I can even face him now.

Interrupting my train of thoughts, the one and only person enters the classroom whom I dread the most. I fix my eyes straight ahead though I feel his brown ones stealing glances at me.

I look out of the window but freeze in my place when I feel the desk beside me shift. Slowly, I turn around to see that my thought has been confirmed.

Shawn is sitting with me.

Cheers to my hell life!

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