Weeds

Weeds - Chapter Thirty

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I sit cutting up a piece of pink Double Bubble on my desk counter, I love gum, any type of gum and since this is the only kind Logan got trick or treating it was my last resort, it didn't matter that they were too stale to bite. 

As I sucked the remaining juice out of my current piece I pop a new one in and throw away the one in my mouth, I have been repeating this process for over an hour and I have still not reached a the state I wish to enter. 

I've spent an hour trying to convince myself that West is the right person for me, I don’t try to convince myself that he makes me happy because I don’t believe in that. 

Its been four years since I first decided that one can not rely on people for happiness, you can not turn people into band aids. 

A part of me did like West, he was un complicated, the natural option. He didn’t come with baggage, he didn’t have a strange love for art I didn’t understand. West liked abstract art, he didn’t like art with meaning behind it. He wasn't strangely poetic at two am in the morning. 

I kept telling myself that this was a good thing. 

When my jaw started aching I knew it was time to stop, I would eventually grow to like the parts of West I was not currently keen on. I'm a stupid teenager, what do I know? 

Bridget was laying on my bed and I stared at my twin sister who although I sometimes hated, I still cared deeply for. 

She lay staring at the ceiling and I knew she was lost in thought.  

She hadn't told me but I knew that the only person who could ever put Bridget in this mood was no one other than Jared, Landons nerdy best friend. 

I had never been clear on what went on in Bridget and Jared's relationship, I don’t think anyone understood it. 

They were each others rocks I suppose, the typical book characters, the popular and the nerd. 

Bridget was always selfless when it came to Jared, she was never embarrassed to be seen with him and that was strange for the girl who started ignoring me at school in the sixth grade because her friends didn’t like me. She defended Jared no matter what and I know that deep down, he was the only person that truly mattered to her. 

"How's Jared?" I asked casually. 

"How's West?" She countered back. 

"Touché." Her counter question was an obvious indication that she didn’t not want to talk about it.  

Her silky blonde hair was sprawled around her hair perfectly in clean , straight strands. Her vibrant eyes wide and sparkly as always, unlike my dead shit colored ones. 

Haley, my group therapist from when I was younger had always told me that I should just be grateful that I had working eyes than to complain about everything I had, but how can I be grateful when I'm surrounded by beauty? 

I sigh and push myself into moving in a circle motion on my chair.  

I pull my arms inside of my Marianas Trench T-shirt in a failed attempt to gain some warmth, I had become a lot more prone to feeling cold. 

I made a mental note to book a doctor appointment, this was obviously not normal. 

My mind wanders over to Elliott's words earlier that day when he had come to collect the last of his things.