The Scent Of Insanity [KiriDeku] (Vol.1)

Breathe (8)

It's November.
Sometimes me and Izuku would still go somewhere for lunch, I always wanna drag him somewhere.

I think this "crush" is getting worse.

His boyfriend hates the fact I call him by his first name, but it feels right.
And I hated that feeling, when he told me he was dating Bakugou.

He still wears the jacket I bought him last month. I don't even wanna go to school anymore, just to see him in that jacket, holding hands with someone else. But it's okay. I'm just gonna tell myself I don't care. 

I don't..

.. No.. I really do.

It's so fucking selfish of me, to want him for myself. I can imagine being with him, but I don't want to pull him away from his boyfriend. Most of the time he's smiling around him. Yes, it'll still be super selfish of me, he deserves to be happy with him. 

But I feel like I can make him happier.
I half smiled, not realizing the teacher was in the middle of talking. I stopped and tried to pay attention, but I couldn't keep my eyes off Izuku. Just imagining a perfect scenario, where he liked me as much as I liked him. 
I don't know if it hurt or if it didn't, it was so bittersweet. 

I just don't know what to do. 

Mina tugged on my shirt and whispered to me, asking if I wanted to hang out with her and a few others. I accepted, thinking that I just didn't feel like going home. It was always so lonely, I kind of felt empty, knowing I haven't even told him how I feel.
I don't think I have the strength to.

I mean I've liked people before, of course I have. But I either forgot about it or they liked me back, it never had such terrible timing. Maybe I shouldn't have started to like somebody that had somebody they were already interested in? 

I sighed quietly and leaned back in my chair. 
It all meant so much to me but he didn't feel the same.
I thought to myself, immediately thinking about how sad that was, and telling myself I shouldn't think like that.

The bell rang and I started packing up my things, so I could go home and change and then hang out with my friends. 

♡♡♡

It was freezing as I walked as fast as I could to a bench we were supposed to meet at. There were more people than usual and as I got closer they were two people I didn't expect to even want to hang out with us.

Kaminari, Mina, Sero were there.. as well as Bakugou and Izuku.

When Mina said "A few others" I thought she meant our usual friend group. They didn't tell me they started hanging out with Bakugou.. I don't know if I like him, but he had brought Izuku with.. his boyfriend. He was clinging onto Bakugou's arm, a smile on his face as well as some of his hair clipped back.

It was so fluffy that the clips looked like they were almost breaking. I smiled slightly then greeted my friends, out of breath. Waving hi to Izuku with maybe a surprised look, he smiled brightly, then I looked up at Bakugou. He tilted his head with a look I didn't understand, was he mad at me or did he always look like that? He said hello with a disappointed voice. 

"Oh, Kirishima I know you've met Deku, but have you met Bakugou?" "Izuku and I are friends, but no I haven't met him." Bakugou looked kinda surprised when I called Izuku by his first name, like I usually do. But he put on a smile and introduced himself.

Yeah, I definitely don't like him. He's probably mean to Izuku. 

I have no right to judge though..

We started walking towards a convenience store, the sky was grey but it was kind of nice, it was still light out. I took every chance I could get to walk beside Izuku. Bakugou was getting a little protective, which seemed scary or rude, maybe both. But what'd he have to worry about? It's not like we ever liked each other.. and showed it.

I hummed silently as my friends talked about whatever they possibly could, I could see the store getting closer and closer, the trip felt like it was never over. Why did Bakugou have to come? We barely even know him.. 

We walked in, with the ding of the bells on the door, Kaminari and Bakugou stayed outside, hands in their pockets obviously freezing. I know Kaminari likes to latch onto people he finds cool, but Bakugou could at least pay for his boyfriend's snacks. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one.. which I cringed at, because he's only 16..? Isn't that bad for his and Izuku's health..

Izuku tugged on my sleeve, laughing at how I was zoning out. "Are you alright?" I snapped out of it and nodded nervously. He walked over to get a slushie. I followed him and smiled, "Seriously? In this weather?" I laughed as he filled a small cup. "Why not? Let's just pretend this is my goodbye to summer." "You're gonna get a sugar rush," I said, grabbing a cup too, "Says you," he nudged my shoulder and put a lid on his cup, turning around. 

"H-Hey-!" "What's up?" He turned back around, "Do you want anything else? I can pay?" "I-I have money.. it's alright-" "C'mon, haven't you been spending it all on cute clothes for your boyfriend~?" I teased, and he blushed and furrowed his eyebrows, "I'll let you pay, but only because you insist!" I patted his head with a laugh, which I kind of missed.. that's embarrassing, but I really like his hair. I really like him..

After everyone had gotten snacks, we left the store. Bakugou half smiled at Izuku but then glanced at me like he was angry, how come he hated me so much?

Izuku almost ignored him to walk beside me, which felt good. I distracted him with everything I thought to talk about. "Aren't your hands cold? Don't you have gloves?" He lifted a hand from his drink and I took it in mine, only realizing what I was doing when I felt somebody step on the back of my shoe. I turned my head to see Bakugou looking like he was going to kill me, Izuku didn't seem to notice.

I got quiet and pulled out gloves from my pockets. "You can borrow these.." I was starting to get nervous, everything we normally did seemed to be unacceptable to his boyfriend. I can barely even talk to him? But we're like best friends.. I wanna spend time with him. 

♡♡♡

After hanging out in a park again, like a bunch of kids, we decided it was time to go home. It was dark, only the street lamps lighting up the damp ground and a couple visible gray clouds. It was getting a little windy as well. 

Bakugou said he's getting a ride home, "Deku. Do you want one too?" My heart started to beat faster, because I wanted him to stay. "No thanks! I like the weather," he kissed him goodbye, and my friends whistled or laughed at that. "Oh, shut up!" Bakugou yelled at them as Izuku giggled. Then he hugged him, starting to walk in the opposite direction. 

I wanted to be alone with Izuku, so I told Sero, Kaminari and Mina that I was going to hang out for just a while longer. We said our goodbyes and Izuku was about to walk away as well, so I grabbed his hand. "Wanna go get a hot chocolate?" I smiled. "Yeah!" He laughed, I hesitated to let go of his hand but eventually did, and we started to walk to a nearby coffee shop. 

Swinging my legs and staring at the ground, I said, "We barely hang out anymore, huh?" "Yeah.. we should more often.." he replied after a moment, he didn't give me a reason why we don't, but I thought that we could more often after this. "Do you.. like Bakugou?" he laughed, "Why wouldn't I? I'm dating him." I didn't laugh, I hated when he said that. Instead, I stopped and asked, "But do you actually like him?" "W-What do you mean?" "Is he nice?" Izuku got quiet, a concerned look on his face, "Yeah, he is.." I closed my eyes.. wondering if I should be thankful or not.

"Why are you so worried about it?" "Because he broke your heart." "T-That's.. in the past.." "Who says it won't happen again.." I mumbled, "Excuse me?" my heart skipped a beat. "Why do you hate him so much??" "I said, because he broke your heart!" "So what?? Aren't I happy now?" "Are you?" I looked him straight in the eye, standing tall acting like I knew what I was talking about. "Yes! I am!" He yelled back, almost offended.

I stood there for a moment, knowing that if I continued, I might end up crying. "I-I'm sorry.. I just.. c-care about you." I shoved my hands in my pockets and looked in the opposite direction. "I know.." 

I felt something cold on my face, and looked up, snow slowly started to fall. He looked up when I did too. "Can we just forget about Kacchan for a second and actually spend time together, like friends do??" I hated that he calls me a friend, I closed my eyes shut and with a forced nice voice, I replied "Yeah.. alright."