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Confession

A/N - y'all I'm sad this is the last time we're performing Line Form Color for a competition and my best friend and my boyfriend can't come

John's POV

I'm gonna be a dad. I'm gonna be a dad. Oh my fucking god I'm gonna be a dad. I put my papers down and held my head in my hands, smiling uncontrollably. My dad looked over and chuckled.
   "What?"
   "I remember that feeling." He smiled. "Eleanor-"
   "Ew. No. Don't talk about my fetus." I waved my hands and the door opened. Alex has been training to be my secretary for the past few days and today Susan is out so it's just him.
   "Jack, there's a fax for you." He handed me a paper and I smiled.
   "Thanks. You getting the hang of it?"
   "Uh huh. Without Susan being an asshole to me every twenty seconds it's really easy."
   "I'm glad." I smiled, Alex turned to leave and I watched him go. "Baby, wait."
   "Hm?" He turned with his hand on the door knob.
   "I love you."
   "I love you too, dork." He chuckled and slipped out. The phone rang and I picked it up. "You're a nerd and there's someone here to see you." I chuckled and shook my head.
   "Sent em in."
   "Alrighty then, partner." Alex hummed in a horrible southern accent, I rolled my eyes and hung up. The door opened and Thomas walked in.
   "You hired your slut, huh?"
   "He's not my slut. He's my fiancé and yes. Yes I did. He's the hardest and most dedicated person I know."
   "Dedicated to sucking your dick."
   "Thomas-..." my blood boiled and I calmed myself down. "What is your business here?"
   "I just wanted to discuss how the transfer of power will affect our business."
  "It shouldn't. The company won't be bothered. You should be fine."
   "So if I was to file a lawsuit today would it be served?"
   "Yes."
   "Good."
   "Is that all?"
   "Yes." I picked up the phone and dialed reception.
   "Could you escort Mr. Jefferson to the elevator please?"
   "Sure, Jack." He chirped, the door opened and Alex stood waiting. "Right this way, Mr. Jefferson." He smiled politely.
   "Wanna ride my dick?" He grinned.
   "No." Alex spat indefinitely as Jefferson made his way to the door.
   "Are you sure. There's nothing stopping y-"
   "I'm pregnant." Alex hummed, Thomas' face fell and he stared.
   "I-is it m-"
   "No." Thomas quickly left the room and Alex giggled. "Dumb ass." I laughed and shook my head.
   "Dad, could you-"
   "Yup! I'm goin." My dad laughed and Alex made his way to my desk. I pulled him into my lap and nuzzled into his stomach.
   "Jack-" Alex whined.
   "Hush. I'm enjoying myself." I'm ninety five percent sure he rolled his eyes and shook his head.
   "John...we have to fast track this wedding."
   "I know and there's nothing wrong with it but why do you keep reminding me? I know. We'll figure it out, peaches." I assured.
   "It's just..." Alex started to cry and I held him close.
   "What? What is it?" Alex shook his head and I brushed his hair back. "Do you not want this?"
   "No, I want this. I do but-..." I wiped his tears and he sniffed. "It's a bastard." He sobbed, I smiled sympathetically and brushed his hair behind his ears.
   "So?" I asked gently.
   "Being a bastard child isn't fun! I know first hand. Kids at school won't let it go. Adults will look down on it. I don't want that for our child, John! I love you and it and I want it to have a great life. I don't want it to end up like me. I'm not cut out to be a dad. I didn't even have a father! I didn't get any of the crucial father/son talks."
   "Baby-...I didn't have a father either."
   "John, this isn't some stupid 'my past is worse than yours' chest thumping contest!" Alex sobbed.
   "I know. What I'm saying is this is uncharted territory for me too. I don't know what I'm doing either. I'm just thrilled to be with you and have a family with you. I'm thrilled that you have a family. Lexi, this baby will have a great life because we'll be right there with it. Some of my best memories are of my mother and I talking after getting beat by dad. I turned out find and I'm not saying either of us are going to live the lives of our fathers. I'm saying that we have a shot to give a child the world- something we missed out on- and I'm taking it."
   "I wanna take it too." He sniffed.
   "Ok, baby." I paused and kissed his stomach. "We have to tell James."
   "No." Alex whimpered, I sighed and cupped his cheeks.
   "Baby, I wanna shout for the rooftops how much I love you and this baby but I can't if you don't tell him. We made a deal remember? We'd tell friends after you told your father."
   "Fine."
   "Ok."
   "I'll tell him tonight." Alex grumbled, I smiled and kissed his gently.
   "Take your time. I love you." Alex laid against me and I stroked his hair.
   "I want a small wedding." He mumbled against my shoulder.
   "Alrighty. A small wedding it is."
   "Soon?"
   "Yes, Peaches. Soon." I assured lovingly. "Now. Get back to work. I'm not supposed to bang my secretary." I teased.
   "Too late! You already got me knocked up!" Alex stuck out his tongue as he jogged out of the room and I shook my head, laughing.
   "I love you!" I called through the door, my office phone rang and I picked it up.
   "I love you too but next time use a condominium." I snorted and he giggled. "Also your dad is standing over me...help." I hung up and stepped into the hall just in time to see Alex throw up in the trash can next to him.
   "Lex? Are you ok, baby?" He nodded and wiped his mouth.
   "I'm ok."
   "What happened?" I placed a hand on his shoulder and he sniffed.
   "I don't know." Dad piped up. "We were talking about the baby and he just barfed." I looked down at Alex and he looked up at me.
   "Alex...are you getting dysphoric?"
   "What? No. I've never been dysphoric. I'm fine."
   "Ok." I mumbled uncertainly. "But why did you-" Alex looked at his hands and shifted.
   "Mr. Laurens...you smell bad." Alex mumbled dejectedly, dad started laughing and Alex bit his thumb. Oh yeah! I forgot to mention. We went to the doctor's office to confirm and get an ultrasound and the doctor told us that Alex couldn't stay on his medication. So now Alex is fragile. He won't let go of me in crowded places and he stress eats. He isn't confident in himself anymore and he's super shy. As long as I'm with him he's ok. He's kind of getting better but it'll take time. Hopefully this job will help.

"Ready?"
"No." Alex mumbled as he fixed the vase of dead flowers I got him on our second date. "That's why I have you...right?" He looked over at me and smiled hopefully.
"Yes...you have me." I wrapped an arm around his waist and cupped his cheek with the other, kissing him deeply. "I'm here for you." I assured, I put a hand on his stomach and he giggled.
"I love you."
"I love both of you."
"I wanna be surprised." Alex breathed.
"What?"
"I don't wanna know what it is yet. I wanna be surprised."
"Ooh, fun. I'm in." We giggled and the elevator dinged. He shoved me off and straightened out his shirt.
"Alexander?" His father called, he entered the kitchen and smiled. "Hi, honey."
"Hello." Alex smiled, they hugged awkwardly and he shook my hand.
"Treating him right I hope?" He chuckled.
"Yes, sir. Perfect."
"Good. That's all I could ask for." James smiled at me and Alex changed the subject.
"Dinner's ready. I just need to-..." He dashed into the kitchen and I excuses myself, following him.
"Please don't run." I hissed.
"Why?"
"What if-..."
"Jacky, the baby'll be fine. Promise." He kissed me gently and I huffed. This baby has made me so much more alert. I mean after Alex died I was crazy but now it's worse. I love him too much. I helped him serve the food on the claim that he shouldn't carry too much and kissed his cheek, sitting next to Alex. We chatted sparsely as we ate and I learned that James was on the market for a house. I nodded along with his conversation and laughed at jokes.
"Alex, what's wrong? You're quiet."
"Huh? Nothing. I'm fine." He smiled, he made a strained face and bit his lip.
"Alex-" I started, he shook his head and squeezed my hand under the table.
"Dad...I have something to tell you."
"What is it, Alexander?" He asked with a smile.
"I-...I'm-...what I'm trying to say is-..." Alex stammered, trying to find the words. I squeezed his hand and smiled. That was all he needed. "I'm pregnant." He spit out after a moment, James grinned and stood up.
"Oh! My little girl's growing up!" He crushed Alex in a hug and I smiled. Alex was smiling and giggled as his father rocked him back and forth. "Do you know anything yet?"
"No. I'm just two months along. Besides...we wanna be surprised." Alex took my hand and smiled.
   "Aw, that's cute."
   "Thank you for being cool about this."
   "Hey, no problem." James smiled. "It's John's right?"
   "Yes. It's his." I beamed and James chuckled.
   "Excited, are we?"
   "Very." I grinned and nodded. Alex rolled his eyes and kissed my cheek.
   "Being a father is hard." James chuckled.
   "How would you know?" Alex asked out of nowhere.
   "Ok! We love mood swings! I am so very sorry. Let's get you some-"
"No. He's right. I was there for his first steps and first words but I'm not his father. I don't deserve that title." Alex shifted and looked at his shoes.
"You can earn it." He mumbled.
"I-" Alex nodded and they hugged tearfully.
   "Dad...I want you to be there." Alex sniffed, looking up into his father's eyes and smiled. "I want you o give me away." James stared at Alex for a moment before squeezing Alex tightly and holding back tears.
   "I love you so much, Alexander."
   "I love you too, dad." I watched this unfold with a smile as they hugged and I felt so happy for Alex. "Jacky-" Alex gestured for me to come and I chuckled.
   "Nah, this is a family th-"
   "John." James smiled. "You're part of Alexander's family." I blushed and took Alex's hand, letting him pull me into the hug. "You take good care of my son. Got it?"
   "Got it." I chuckled and kissed my fiancé's cheek. We ended the hug and James kissed Alex's forehead. They said goodbye and Alex walked him to the elevator. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"
   "I should listen to you more often." Alex giggles, I wrapped my arms around his waist from behind and set my chin on his shoulder.
   "Yeah. You should."