shattered

chapter 21

Yoongi POV

I can't believe she ran off. I wanted to follow her, I started to follow her... But. She doesn't want me. She doesn't want to be around me.

I have failed. I have failed at being a friend to her.

An arch of overwhelming emotions cascades over me. I'm angry at her for not listening to me. For calling me a liar. When have I ever given her the idea that I would lie?

My hands clench at the roots of my hair as I growl in frustration.
Stupid, stupid. Stupid!

I slowly sit down, my hands finding purchase on the concrete below me. My head leans back against the concrete ledge.

My eyes flutter closed on their own, as the sunlight streams down on me. I slow my breathing down, in, and out.

Trying to force my body into a relaxed state, so my mind might be able to function properly again.

So I can think this through rationally, and come up with a solution.

Joon... Joon! I need to call Joon, he will help me sort this all out. Or Jin, he would know. Even Hobi... I need my guys.

I need them to put my head on straight. To make me think rationally. I need them to listen without judgement.

I make my way down to Counsellor Park's office. Softly knocking on the door, I wait for admittance. I hate that she has my cell. That I need her permission to use it. I'm a grown ass man, but I still have to ask to use my property.

But I also know that no one else here has that privilege either. Big Hit made it a requirement that I be allowed access to my phone when and if I needed it.

Park was not impressed. But who is she, to go against a big hitter in the entertainment industry?

The door slides open, and she's standing in front of me. A look of surprise on her face. I never seek her out. I never come to her office unless I absolutely have to.

"Yoongi." she states "Come in."

I follow her into the office, she takes a seat behind her desk. Fingers coming together in a steeple as she looks at me.

I don't take a seat, my arms are crossed against my chest. Everything about me screaming I would rather be anywhere but here.

She plasters a smile on her bright pink lips, and I can't help but let my nose wrinkle slightly in disgust.

"What can I do for you Mr. Min?" she asks in a saccharine tone. Her gaze is fixed on me. reading my actions, my reactions, my expressions and my body language. Trying to get beneath my skin. Trying to read me, but I am a closed book. My poker face is nothing to be scoffed at.

"I want my phone." I state, leaving no room for argument.

She quirks an eyebrow at me.

"And what makes you think I will just give it to you Mr. Min?"

I can feel my gaze start to harden.

"Ms. Park." My voice is flat and strong. I purposefully don't call her Counsellor or Doctor, those words being for those in the field I actually respect.

"As part of the contract the hospital signed before I arrived, you are required to give me my cellphone if and when I want to use it. So long as I don't abuse the privilege. And since this is the first time I am asking for it since I have been here, I think we can safely say, I have NOT abused the privilege."

I step closer to her desk, my hand reaching out, palm up, waiting for her to give me the device.

"Or, I can always use the phone bank and call my manager?" I quirk an eyebrow at her in return.

Her gaze darts from me, and I see as she swallows nervously. She knows what will happen if the director of this establishment finds she hasn't been as... accommodating, as she should be.

Two can play the power game. But unfortunately, I have been playing it with bigger fish than her for years. Her pathetic attempts will never be enough to dominate over me.

Her fingers fumble as she opens a drawer, and brings the device to my waiting hand.

I turn on my heel, and leave the room. I imagine she's going to try to find some way to get back at me for that, but right now, I don't even care. I need to talk to the guys. I need them to help me sort this out.

I can't lose her.

She is already under my skin.

I head back up to the roof top, biting at my nails as I try to figure out who I should call. Or if I should just set up a conference call with all of them.

Fuck! They're going to think I'm a fucking idiot. I drop my phone into my lap, and grip at my hair.

Stupid fucking idiot, always have to fucking ruin things. Wonder why things don't work out.

Over and over the thoughts roll around in my mind.

FUCK! Why doesn't it ever stop? Why can't I just be fucking normal?

A low growl escapes my mouth as I pick up my phone, and hit the first number I see.

The ringing of his phone just about drives me to insanity. Fingers tapping impatiently against my leg.

Then his voice bounds through the line.

"Yoongi-hyung? Whats up?"

A smile breaks over my face, as I rub at my forehead. I have missed him. Music pounds in the background.

"Joon... I fucked up." My voice quietly croaks out.

I listen as the music cuts off.

"You want us all, or just me?" he queries.

"I... I don't even know Joon." I can hear Hobi in the background asking if it's me on the phone. Wanting to know what's going on. Who is interrupting practice and why they're calling.

"Yoongi-hyung. I'm putting you on speaker." Joon tells me. The the line is flooded with their voices, all calling out greetings to me. I can't stop the huge smile that breaks across my face as I imagine them crowding around the phone, all smiling as if talking to me is the best treat they could imagine.

I greet them all in return, telling them I have missed them before Joon tells them to shut up, so I can tell them how I have fucked up,

I spill it all out. Everything.

How I can't stay away from her, her story. What I said, and how she reacted.

If it wasn't for a few gasps every now and again, I would have thought no one was on the line anymore.

"Well?" I ask when I'm finally finished.

Theres a low whistle on the other end. "Hyung..." Kookie starts.

I can imagine them all staring dumb-founded at the phone now. Trying to digest all the information I have just thrown at them.

"So," Joon replies. "You found a girl you like, she tells you her story, then you try to tell her what her dead sister thinks, and then you fight. Ending with you both saying stupid shit, and feelings being hurt? That sound about right?"

I mull over what Joon has just told me. Taking the big emotional mess in my mind, straightening it out, and giving it back to me in an easy to digest and process way. Damn.

"Uh. Yeah."

Silence comes through the line as they wait for me to come up with the logical conclusion.

A sigh escapes me. "I need to apologize."

A chorus of agreement comes trilling through the line. We talk a bit more about them, what the upcoming plans are, and when I will be leaving here. Before we hang up.

I love those guys, I haven't smiled this much in a long time.

We also came up with a plan for me to win _____ over again. They're all going to help.

This is either going to be an amazing success, or and epic failure. I can't wait.