The Halo Effect | ✓

29 | impossible

E P I G R A P H

❝ I've spent much too long in the space
between holding on and
letting go. ❞

☾ twenty nine | impossible ☽

Holt's POV

I FUCKING HATE myself.

I can't do this. I can't be around her. I thought that I could because I want her, I've wanted her for so damn long, but it's doing things to me. It's making me weak, weaker than I already am. My mother would disown me if she found out I was with Halo, same with dad.

They both loved her, for Everest.

But I'm Holt. I'm a monster, that's what they treat me like. I'm the son that they wish died, I'm the mistake. I bet they wish they didn't have twins, then I wouldn't exist.

I'm not right for her. I want to be so badly, I want to be everything she needs, everything she wants, but it's just a hopeless childish crush, she only wants to be with me because she feels pitiful. It's not real, none of this is.

I feel pathetic, I can't believe I slept with her. Everest must think I'm some sorry excuse of a brother. I slept next to her knowing damn well that I'm with holding something from her, I know that Everest cheated on her and I just can't fucking bring myself to tell her

I hated myself for it being so easy. At the start it was like I was with holding the darkest secret in the universe and I was constantly consumed by guilt, but then I grew up. I wasn't around Halo anymore, I only saw her when we exchanged brief glances in the corridor. I started doing weed, I became closer with Mason and Ace and suddenly my world wasn't revolved around Everest and Halo anymore.

Fucking hell, even their names sound perfect together.

I never believed Halo loved Everest, just like I knew he didn't love her. I think Halo just didn't know what it felt like to experience someone give her attention. She was fourteen for fuck sake. The only way she knew what love was, was through Netflix shows and poetic novels. She was too inexperienced and young to know.

I think Halo misplaced her feelings into the hands of someone with no intentions of keeping them safe, it was only a matter of time before he left her broken hearted, it's just unfortunate it ended by a car colliding into his drunken state for that to happen.

At the start I didn't care that she didn't know about Everest's disloyalty, if I'm being honest it satisfied me knowing that the guy, she once thought was perfect, was now flawed in more ways than one. But now, every single time I even consider telling her, she looks at me with those honey colored orbs and I just can't bring myself to do it.

I know that it'd destroy her. She's already too broken, I can't fucking fix her. I can't save her and if I had just maned up and told her years ago when it actually happened, none of this would be happening.

I know that Everest didn't return half of the feelings she felt towards him. Everest and I shared a complicated relationship, we were best friends but still brothers, meaning we'd argue a lot, disagree and fight. One of the reasons we fought was because of the one and only Halo Storm.

"She's hot, huh?" I recall him telling me after she left our house after meeting our parents for the first time, "Think I could get her in bed?"

Usually I'd tell him to go for it, cause it's just a girl. He'd do the same when I'd come to him ranting about some new chick, but Halo wasn't just a girl.