The Halo Effect | ✓

35 | love

E P I G R A P H

❝She's a mess. A beautiful mess'
all storms were.❞

☾ thirty five | love ☽

Holt's POV

AS I PULLED up in front of Halo's residence, I waited patiently in the car, hands clenched around the steering wheel as I thought about the other day.

Who the fuck do I think I am? I spend all these years being a pussy and obsessing over her, just to end up friend-zoning her when I found out she finally likes me back. It's stupid, but sometimes expressing my feelings is a hard task to manage.

After mom expressing her distaste towards Halo and I, then hearing Halo basically say that we aren't right for each other and that us being a couple would cause her a lifetime of guilt—though that wasn't all she said—was enough to take a few steps back.

I want her, always have. There is not a single cell in my body that doesn't gravitate towards her, but now I'm just fucking scared.

There is no point in being with someone if no one else will support it, that'll just end up toxic. 

I wasn't trying to be a dick by ignoring all her calls and texts, just to show up after three days and tell her that I can only be friends with her. At least—on the somewhat positive side—our feelings are both clear, she knows that I like her and I like her. It's mutual.

Fuck it, at this point, I think I'm in love with her.

I've always felt strongly about her. Always. But forming a solid friendship with her, where we can share our feelings and thoughts freely without being judged, I feel as though I have jumped off a cliff and I am falling wildly, hoping that when I reach the bottom, she will be there to support me when I land.

Falling in love with Halo was like entering a house and finally realizing I'm home. When she smiles at me, I feel invisible hands wrapping around me making me feel safe. When her eyes are locked on mine, it's like I can see galaxies instead of just pupils. Having her in my life makes me feel like everything is possible in this world, like I can conquer anything. 

I sound so fucking whipped, but it is because I honestly am.

Three days of absence. Three days of continuously writing without sleep, three days of seeming to only think about Halo and Everest and wanting her. Those seventy-two hours were all I needed to realize that I am so fucking in love with her.

But I fucked all that up.

I jumped to conclusions, thinking that she was talking shit, but if I had of just fucking let her finish, I could have gone in there and told her I feel the exact same and that I am fucking crazy over her, I'd hold her face and kiss her, despite Esme being there. But instead I ran out, went home and fucked Santana.

I have not seen her since the party, so her showing up at my house was obscure. She came up and into my room, she didn't ask questions. Instead she unbuckled my pants and got on top of me, riding me until I was close enough to empty my sorrows into her.

She felt average, nothing earth-shattering. But a distraction is a distraction.

I think seeing Santana just hurt more because some of her features resemble near the same as Halo's. Like their curly long hair, except Halo has streaks of honey whilst Santana's is simply brown. Their complexions are exact and they both have those doe eyes.

But no one can top Halo. She is so perfect in every aspect, her looks are addicting, just like her personality.

In the moments Santana was moaning my name, I felt instant regret. I had wished it was Halo instead, clawing at my back, telling me she loves me as I thrust into her, taking her purity into my safe eternal hold.