How Are You True?

Chapter 6: Playing With Fire

*FLASHBACK*

Facing Camila when coming home for the first time in six months was beyond nerve wracking. And not only Camila, but Cruz. He wouldn't be awake now—hopefully not—and neither would Catalina unless she had an abnormal sleeping schedule. Cruz must've been feeling resentful and unforgiving of Lauren for her leaving like that. Camila was probably going to be a lot worse. Lauren thought it over—it was all she could think about—on the way back to Miami Beach from New York City. She obsessed, the overthinking was excessive, she panicked, she developed a stomachache from the discomfort and how nervous she was. Lauren was all over the place.

Eight minutes went by as she sat in the driver's seat of her corvette. The car was off, it was 3:16am, and it was dark all around without a lamp post or garden lights in sight. Her hands subconsciously remained gripping the leather steering wheel while her eyes fixated on the windshield, though studying nothing in particular with interest. Slowly, her hands travelled up the wheel and came together. She exhaled deeply, dropping her head to press her forehead against them. Lauren drummed her fingers and winced at the aching in her heart. She rehearsed everything she needed to say to Camila but all of that went out the window before she even got the chance to see her. Call it stalling, but it took a lot of guts that she didn't have to be able to walk through that front door head on and talk to her wife.

Finally, after giving it another three minutes, Lauren removed her key from the ignition and got out of the car. Gently, she shut the door and left her bags on the passenger seat—she'd fetch for them tomorrow. Lauren practically dragged her feet up the driveway to the front door. She waited again. Unlocking it and pushing it opening, Lauren quickly but quietly stepped inside and turned to lightly close the door in hopes nobody would hear and wake up. She locked it back, taking more time to prepare herself, then she turned and tip toed up the white steps in her combat boots. But before she could make it to the fifth step, Camila's voice startled her.

"You're back," she said, almost as if she couldn't believe it—like she wasn't expecting Lauren to ever come home again. Camila was holding a warmed bottle of milk and wearing Lauren's sweats and Mötley Crüe t-shirt. Her hair was wavier, shiny, a little shorter, and her eyes (when she combed her bangs out of the way) indicated she was sleep deprived. Camila had dark circles she hasn't treated since Catalina was born. Lauren has never felt so shitty and at fault before now.

The 26 year old swallowed dryly and started to slowly descend from the steps. Camila's gaze was intense and unrelenting. Lauren avoided those sorrow filled chocolate eyes and kept her head hung low. She was stood in front of Camila now, mute and meek.

"I...I don't know what to say. I feel...like I owe you a really long explanation and an apology that requires me to get on my knees, but I also feel like...nothing I say...would suffice for the significant amount of pain I've caused you. And our kids," Lauren spoke in the same hushed tone.

Camila was quiet for a moment. "Lauren, look at me," she said. The older woman didn't. "I mean it, look at me," Camila insisted, and so Lauren did. Her eyes were watery. "I don't know what to say to you either. I should hate you, I should make you sleep on the couch, I should be yelling at you right now—I SHOULD smack you...but I won't. I can't do any of that."

"Why not? I want you to do all four, I deserve it."

"Because I need you. I don't want you to leave me again. Whether it was my fault or not—"

"Baby, it wasn't your fault—"

"I don't know that for sure. But I don't want to risk anything," Camila's voice cracked and her eyes watered, too. The memories of the day she found out Lauren left her alone in the hospital came rushing back to her. "I can't lose you again. It's been...SO hard without you and I'd rather not fight with you right now. I just need your help and I need to know you won't run again. I kind of understand why you did it but it can't—"