To Lose or to Gain: Iroh's Child (AtlA Fanfic)

A Mother's Heart

Note – I wish to give a bit of forewarning that this chapter takes on a twist some readers may not have been expecting. I'll explain more at the end of the chapter.

Azulon's decision left her feeling...

In truth, Ursa struggled with how she felt regarding Azulon's decision regarding Zuko, her own flesh and blood. Over and over again she told her son that being himself was enough, but that he should take pride in the fact he kept trying and never gave up. Of course, Ozai's plans always went against her own, not to mention the fact she found herself stuck playing a role, much like the actresses she admired in the plays she took her children to see.

In fact, she found herself falling in love with the theater and the concept of being something you weren't; this, in turn, helped her deal with her relationship with Ozai. On the surface, she was Princess Ursa, the young woman taken from her home at a young age because she was miraculously the first daughter of Avatar Roku's line born since her own mother which in turn made her a prized treasure among the noble families in the Fire Nation. She was the treasure Fire Lord Azulon seized so none of the other nobles might have her; he'd even arranged for the attendants who would help raise and groom her for the role.

Under the surface, she was just Ursa, someone few actually got to know.

There was no getting around the fact the loss of Zuko shook both of her personas, for neither one would willingly give up that precious child, but instead would fight tooth and nail for the boy. She felt numb with grief for a child who'd not actually died, the denial of what happened not yet sinking in when Lord Azulon summoned her. The young princess found herself taking a deep breath as servants escorted her towards her honored father's inner sanctuary.

She found the man sitting in his chair waiting for her, looking right at her. Instantly, her eyes dropped to the ground in shame - shame for what her husband did, but shame for having her child taken away from her by the Fire Lord himself. "Ursa, me dear Ursa. Is something troubling you?"

"I apologize father, but I do not feel precious right now."

"I'm the one who should be appologizing, for I'd not thought about what effect giving Zuko to Iroh would have. Iroh set me straight, but I've come to a solution. You will remain the boy's mother."

A feeling of dread spread through her soul, hitting first in the chest area before spreading down towards her stomach. Her head darted up while her eyes widened. "Father, please tell me you don't wish for me to divorce Ozai and marry Iroh?"

"No. I've punished him enough, but in punishing him - I should not punish the woman who spoke up for the sake of her child and encouraged him to never give up despite his struggle. When the official ceremony occurs, you will still remain known as Zuko's mother, but this also elevates you in status despite the fact you are not married to Iroh. It's a position you well deserve."

"Do I?" Ursa's head darted up, the fear lingering while she looked upon the man sitting in the chair surrounded by ornate gold fixtures upon red.

She watched one of Azulon's eyes lift up, almost as if the Fire Lord were pondering something. "My precious daughter, are you with child yet again?"

Heat spread across Ursa's face, yet she imagined in her mind the color of her face now matched her robes. She hated the fact the Fire Lord was good at discerning certain things, yet she felt as if he'd broken past the mask of Princess Ursa to the real Ursa, which in turn meant he'd discovered her horrible, dark secret. "I... uh..."

"The Fire Lord does not want to see any harm come to his great-grandchild, Princess Ursa."

Ursa felt her entire body shake uncontrollably upon hearing the Fire Lord not hold back in letting her know he knew. She found herself collapsing to her knees, but heavy sobs escaped from her throat. Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around her stomach to protect not herself, but the secret she'd wanted kept secret. "Please forgive me."

"Forgive you? I should have listened to Ilah regarding your marriage to Ozai."

"I know." Ursa felt hot tears fall down her cheeks. "I know she didn't want me to marry Ozai. I was never good enough..."

"No." The tone of voice used by the Fire Lord was sharp, yet Ursa found herself unable to cry out of fear when she heard the man rise from his chair and approach her. She didn't expect his arms to wrap around her shoulders pulling her into a gentle hug few knew Azulon capable of. "No. Ilah wanted me to marry you to Lu Ten, but I - out of the love of my youngest, didn't want to go back on my promise to him."

The tears again started flowing, soaking the robe of one Fire Lord creating what Ursa imagined a pitiful sight. She cried tears of relief - that he'd forgiven her so easily, yet tears of relief that she might actually freely cry for the great loss she felt all around. In the back of her mind, she wondered how the Fire Lord knew Ozai wasn't the father, yet couldn't fathom asking how he knew.

"I am so sorry Ozai neglected you the way he did, my dear daughter, but Ilah will never forgive me for putting one of her precious daughters into such a situation. Forgive me for not noticing sooner, before I could rectify the situation. I promise you, I will not allow any harm come to you or this child."

"Please. Please don't tell Iroh. Don't ruin his image of Lu Ten."

She felt the Fire Lord stiffen, yet felt him pull her into the hug tighter. "While it saddens me not to tell him of such a joy, I respect your wishes for him not to know further sadness. Your secret and that of the child will not pass from my lips to his ears or the ears of anyone else. Not unless the need arises."

"I'm sorry, father."

"Shush. There is nothing for me to forgive." Azulon spoke in a soft tone. "How about we speak of other matters, such as how your dear Zuko is fairing?" The man who was the only father she'd known in her life pulled away, but gently brushed away the remaining tears.

"My Zuko. How is he?"

Azulon took a deep breath. "Adjusting to the change is not easy for him, but I think the fact you can freely visit him when you want to should alleviate the matter." His arms gripped hers lightly, but a serious look passed his face. "I can not, though, allow him to freely visit your place. I do not trust Ozai, nor do I trust Azula."

"I know. I wish I didn't." Ursa looked towards the ground, feeling guilty for covering for Ozai. She felt a loose lock of hair brushed away.

"Don't apologize for them. I will make it clear to Ozai that he is not to take his anger at his punishment out on you, but when the time is right - for I guess you've not told him about the child - not to harm the child either. Not a word to him about who the real father is either."

"I'm..."

Azulon held a finger to her lips. "No apologies from you, my dear Ursa. Iroh is seeing to Zuko's neglected education, but one of the royal physicians is seeing to rectifying the fact Ozai ignored the fact Zuko was born prematurely."

Ursa felt like her blood froze over. "You know that Zuko was born prematurely?"

"I do. He will be taken care of, but I promise you the damage to his soul and being Ozai caused by his neglect will be rectified."

"Thank you." Both Princess Ursa and the Ursa kept hidden felt grateful to the man in front of her for so many reasons.

Note –

The search always bothered me narratively. Ursa spiting Ozai by claiming Zuko was actually the child of her lover doesn't make sense due to the fact this action would put Zuko at risk of retaliation from Ozai. In addition to this, the part regarding Avatar Roku hiding his female descendants didn't make sense either given the fact he was hiding his descendant from her destiny, but this sounded like a convenient method of making it so she could have a lover.

How could the scenario of Ozai not being Zuko's father work? My thoughts went straight to Lu Ten; I remembered the single tear Ursa shed when she reads of his death, but the picture of Lu Ten we see shows he looked around Ozai and Ursa's age when he died, though the episode The Beach places him as closer to Zuko in age – ten to twelve when he was born, but... I also know that an episode regarding Ursa ended up cut for other material, possibly The Beach, but the plot involving Zuko, Azula, and her friends got moved up in importance. Plus, said episode doesn't quite add up to the picture we see of Lu Ten.