My crush on the footballer (bxb)

Chapter one-Football

Tw: Some parts may include anxiety and/or feels anxious.

Marcus POV

I came home from the football game a while ago so now I'm sat down on the sofa looking at my parents. Is this a good idea? I don't know but I feel as if I can't keep it to myself any longer. It's like there is this thing inside me, this need to tell someone my realisation. I know I'm sure though, I've told a few friends which can range from feeling nerve racking to exhilarating when everything's okay. Although the response has always been fine, so far? I don't really know if my parents are homophobic or not. We're not that that close but I'd like them to know. Maybe they'll be supportive? I look back down at my hands fiddling with my short nails.

"Marcus what did you want to say to us," My dad said slipping his phone back into his pocket.

"Well for a while know I've been think--no I know that I'm bisexual and I just wanted you to know-" I got cut of; looking back up to my dad seeing him with his disapproving glare directed straight at me.

"You. Are. Not. Gay," Dad spelled out.

Although I feel ridden with anxiety like it's pulsing through my veins I retort "I'm not gay I'm bi."

Putting my head in my hands I tried to hold in my tears. How could this go so wrong everyone else was accepting?

"I just don't understand," he sighed.

"Don't understand what," My sister Addison said coming into the room looking at us all sat down.

"Marcus thinks he's bisexual," Dad said bluntly to my sister.

"I don't think dad I know!" I protest getting annoyed as well as feeling an overwhelming wave of sadness hit me.

"He's just confused," Mum said getting up and walking out of the room with our dad following.

From the corner of my eye I see Addison walking towards me and direct my gaze to her. She sits next to me wrapping an arm around me and said to me trying to be comforting "It's going to be okay you know."

"How would you know?" I replied feeling a glaze of tears form over my eyes.

"Look at me I'm fine with it. Mum and Dad are just shocked they'll get used to it."

I look up at her wiping away a escaped tear with the sleeve from my top.

"Thanks," I whisper trying to make it sound meaningful then walk out of the living room.

***

After sprinting up the stairs I slam my bedroom door behind me then turn to lock it. Going onto my bed I engulf myself into the bed sheets thinking that everything would be better if I just liked boys or girls and not both.

Why did I have to be so stupid to tell them?

Why did I tell anyone?

Regret pulses through me like a drug rapidly moving around my body. Tears stream through my eyes making me feel worse instead of better.

I've made everything a mess.

What feels like claws at the bottom of my stomach are still gnawing at me slicing me up. My breathing quickens so I try to slow it down with deep breaths but my head feels light and dizzy. The tears and giddiness makes my eyes feel heavy and blurry with all the thoughts swimming around my mind. It feels like I'm a prisoner in my own mind with my anxiety following me like a shadow.

Managing to walk although my legs feel numb I stumble out of my room towards the bathroom.

Once I'm inside I close the door and reach for the tap. Watching the cool water flow I move my tingling hands towards the tap and splash the liquid on my face. As I look at my red face in the mirror I see the mix of tears and water cascading down my face. Trying to compose myself I look at the image reflecting myself taking deep breaths one at a time.

I dry my face going out of the bathroom and back into my bedroom. My legs feel heavy as I fall back into my bed. There's that usual emptiness in the pit of my stomach that has grown to live there over the years.

Telling myself that it'll all be okay I relax my body trying to drift of into a deep sleep.

As my eyelids threaten to close the image of Kyle goes trough my mind of him playing football earlier. He's the only feelings I ever really feel. My heart races as I think of him but instead of feeling dizzy I feel slight butterflies start to form and fly through and around my stomach.

It doesn't matter if I like him though. He's straight he'll never like me. With that my eyes fall closed finally putting my mind at peace as I drift off to sleep.

——-

Hi.

So how do you like the first chapter?

I hope you enjoyed.

The next one will probably be longer.

:)