Smile and put on a happy face

Dreams and things alike

-Arthur!!

Somebody yells my name. I don't know who it is. I can't see anything. Where am I?

- Where's my boy??!!

Everything is dark around me and it's so, so cold. I'm scared.

- ARTHUR!!!

The same voice screams my name. It's a man's voice. Suddenly a door opens and the light blinds me.

- Why are you hiding?!

I can't see his face, I just feel that someone grabs me by the wrists and pulls me violently.

- Come here, BOY!!

I wake up. My heart beats so loud I can almost hear it. My body is drenched in sweat. The darkness around me fades a little and I recognize my sorroundings. I'm on the couch, I'm home. Ah, it was just a dream...just a dream. It's not the first time I have a nightmare like this. They're actually quite frequent, although not always as real as now. I glance at the clock, it's only 2:00am. But I'm scared of going back to sleep. I fear another nightmare. I get up. My legs feel weak and shaky. I open the bedroom door.

- Mom?- I ask softly.

But she's fast asleep. I walk over to the bed.

- Mom...can I sleep here tonight?

She always takes some pills that help her sleep and I really don't want to bother her. I try to make as little noise as possible as I lay myself down and curl up next to her.

- Mom...I'm scared...

There are dreams so real that you can't possibly forget them after waking up. They don't always make sense but they leave a feeling behind that remains with you throughout the day. I'm starting to fear that without my pills, these nightmares and hallucinations will become more frequent and more real.

The next morning before I head out to work, I remove the gun from my bag and decide to save it in my pants. The subway can be a frightening place. There's not only drunks, but all sorts of criminals. It's not a place where I'd want to stand out and for some reason I feel safer carrying the gun close to me. I feel protected.

Tonight Pogo's is packed. There's a great atmosphere. I'm nervous. My hands hold firmly to my notebook. I don't want to risk forgetting what I have to say. This is my only chance. I want to get it right.

- Please, let's all welcome...ARTHUR FLECK!!

I climb the three steps that lead to the stage. The lights blind me, people clap in anticipation. I walk up to the host who's standing in front of the microphone and he steps down. I look around. This is amazing! It's what I've always dreamed of. And now I'm here and people see me. I'm no longer invisible! I stand in front of the microphone , all eyes are on me, but I can't see the faces. The lights are too bright. I breathe in and open my notebook.

- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

No...

Some laughter can be heard. I try again.

- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

I can't...

Nothing can be heard anymore. The room has gone completely quiet. The only thing that cuts through the silence is this thunderous laughter that breaks my throat and robs my lungs of air. It hurts. People watch me drown. They don't understand what's happening.

At last, a bit of air...I try one more time.

- I hated school...HAHAHAHA...I ha-hated school as a kid...HAHAHAHHA.