Smile and put on a happy face

Between the light and the shadow

The apartment is dark and in absolute silence. I feel like my clothes are impregnated with today´s events. I tear them off my body and toss them into a corner, leaving only my underwear on. I throw the folder into another corner as if by shoving it away I could undo all the damage it has done to me. I drop myself on the couch and try to sleep. But when the lights go off there are voices that speak to me and torment me. They disappear when I switch on the lamp, but then I´m invaded by the fear of silence. It seems illogical, but silence isn´t mute, it has a voice. No matter what I do, the night doesn´t leave me at peace.   

-HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHHAHHA

My laughter is louder and more painful than ever. 

-SHUT UP!!- yells the neighbor from above.

I don´t even know who lives there… 

I walk back and forth, I lean against the kitchen wall and slide down until I´m sitting on the floor. I´m losing my connection to reality. I feel like I´m falling freely into a void. There´s nothing that can catch me, nothing that can save me. The scenes repeat themselves over and over again in front of my eyes like a horror movie and no matter how hard I try, I can´t stop them. I don´t want this anymore!! Please!! I start hitting my head against the wall to make my mind shut up. There´s so much noise in here!!! I want it to stop, I want it to stop!!!          

But I achieve nothing. And then my eyes fall on the fridge. To freeze the thoughts, to freeze the feelings. That´s it!! I open the door and start emptying the contents, tossing aside the shelves and whatever foods I find until there's enough space to fit my body.  

After closing the door, everything goes absolutely dark, I can´t see anything. I shake for several minutes until my body yields to the cold and begins to go numb. The same thing happens to my thoughts. Time seems to stop, my heartbeat slows down until I can barely feel it. I don´t hear anything, I don´t feel anything…is this what it feels like to die?  

Something brings me vaguely back to conscience. Everything is still dark, I don´t feel my body, but I believe I can hear something in the distance…a voice…it seems to come from far, far away.

-Arthur?

Who is it? I know that voice.

-Arthur, you left the door open!! 

The voice comes closer, but where is it? Where am I? I hear noises and footsteps nearing. 

-Arthur!!!

And suddenly…everything lights up! A shining light hits my eyelids and I slowly open my eyes. I´m disorientated. 

-Arthur!!! 

-S-Sophie??- I mumble.

My eyes adjust to the light and then I make out Sophie´s features. 

-Arthur, what are you doing here?- she asks, thunderstruck.

My lips tremble and I´m unable to speak. Sophie takes my hand.

-Come.

I take a step outside but I can barely feel my legs. My knees give in and I fall into Sophie´s arms who stops me from hitting the floor. She lifts me from under my armpits and I lean on her shoulders. Even though I´m so skinny, my body is still too heavy for her. I don´t know how she manages to guide me all the way to the living room where my legs finally surrender and I fall on the couch in a sitting position. The apartment is spinning, the ground moves underneath my feet. What happened? I feel Sophie´s hands on my naked arms. Where are my clothes? 

-You´re freezing, Arthur. How long have you been in there?

I don´t know. I´m confused. I can´t speak. My eyes get lost on a random spot on the floor. It´s as if my body was separated from my thoughts.