Hollywood Nights//Jake Kiszka

Thirteen

•Jake's POV•

I mindlessly strum my guitar and stare out the window of the tour bus at the desert rolling past me. I end up playing the chords to that Labi Siffre song. Fuck. How do I stop myself from reminding me of her? I hate myself for the way I left her. She deserved so much better. That girl with big dreams and a voice that could calm wildfire. I said that a week in L.A. was my escape, but no. She was it. She was my fucking escape.

  And now I've lost her.

  I slide over as Danny comes to sit next to me. He looks over at me with a concerned look in his eyes. "Hey, man are you okay?" He asks me.

  "I'm fine. Why?" I reply. I'm definitely not fine, but no one has to know that.

  "You just seem distracted man, that's all." He smiles a little.

Danny's one of my best friends. Normally I would never lie to him, but this situation I'm in is definitely an exception. "No, everything's okay with me," I smile tightly, trying to end this conversation.

  "If you say so," he turns away from me and pulls out his phone.

  Josh is looking over at me from across the bus. He's smirking at me. I give him a confused look. "Now what are you smiling about?" I don't even want to know why Josh could be looking at me like that.

  "You know I can tell when you're lying, Jake." He laughs and crosses his arms.

  I roll my eyes. "Shut up, Josh," I find a ball of paper and throw it at him.

  He catches it and throws it back at my head. I groan. "You're literally five years old." He just laughs and walks away.

   The silence leaves my mind to wander again. I think about the way that I left her. The stupid optimist in me wants to believe that I'll find her again, but I'll never forget the way she looked at me when I walked away last night. Like I'd crushed her into a million pieces. I'm a person she trusted and I crushed her. I wish I could tell her that I'm crushed too.

  I still have her number. I could reach out, but I'm scared. Scared of what she'll think. Of what she'll say.

   I just want her to know that I do care. I just can't be there for her the way that I want to be. One day I'll be home and I can settle down with someone. Not that I would settle down with someone I've only known for a week. Of course not. You can't fall in love after a week, and I'm not the type to fall in love at first sight.

  But that girl. That fucking girl. There was something about her that no one else has. When I close my eyes, her face is all I think about. I can hear her singing in my ears when I'm falling asleep at night. I think about how she looked in the morning sun every morning since I left.

  Shit, maybe I am in love.

  No, there's no fucking way.

  Not that I'd ever be able to tell her, anyway.