Hollywood Nights//Jake Kiszka

Twenty One

•Jake's POV•
My head is pounding as I press it against the window of the bus. All the sounds are too loud as I feel the effects of my poor attempt to drown my emotions in whiskey last night. Judging by the headache and the memories that won't leave my head, it didn't work.

I was hoping I was wasted enough that I wouldn't remember what I did last night, but no such luck. I went and basically confessed my love to a girl that has a boyfriend, a girl that will never love me back because why should she? If only I had the nerve to tell her exactly how I felt, but I don't know how I can face her again. How can I face any of them, really? God, I'm going to ruin everything, aren't I?

•Your POV•

"You know I love you, Y/N."

You brush a tear from your eye. "I love you too, but-"

"But what?"

"I can't be here anymore. I need to go to California. Don't you understand how important this is to me?"

"So I'm not enough for you, that's it?"

"No I-"

"You know what, Y/N, I don't think anything will ever be enough for you. Anything or anyone. And I'm not going to try to be enough for you. Not anymore."

You cross your arms and avoid his eyes, gasping as you feel the tear trickling down your cheek. "So I guess you don't love me anymore, then?" You barely croak out.

"God I wish it was that easy," he sounds exhausted, as he should be by now. "But no, I love you so damn much I can't take it anymore. And it hurts so fucking bad that you can't love me enough to stay." He turns to walk away, but first he gives you a look so piercing you'll remember it for the rest of your life. The hurt in his eyes is something you've never seen since. Something you've only been able to describe in the countless songs you've written about it, songs no one will ever hear.

"I'm sorry," you whisper, but he doesn't hear you. He's gone. You've changed him forever. But you'll always be the same.

Max Dawson's heart was the first one you ever broke. He was a small town boy, he probably still lives in your tiny, insignificant hometown. It was easy for him to stay. Everything he's ever known is in that little place. He never understood that you were desperate to know another world, desperate to be someone other than just Y/N, the girl from the little farm town. He said he'd never be enough for you, that no one would ever be enough for you. Everyone, even your mother who won't talk to you, disagreed with him. But maybe Max was right, because here you are, with the perfect man clearly in love with you, and you can't stop thinking about the one who probably used you as a distraction from the life he doesn't want.

You sit down at the piano on the stage at the venue where you'll be playing tonight. Music has always been your comfort and your distraction, so you sit and you play a Beatles song that you hope will wash your worries away. You close your eyes and begin to sing. You're so caught up you don't notice someone walk onto the stage and lean against the piano, watching you finish the song.

"That was beautiful." Jake's smoky, rough voice gives you goosebumps. You meet his eyes, and he gives you a look that answers all the questions forming in your mind.

"You're always showing up when I least expect you to, huh," you smirk and brush your hair away from your face.

"I guess so, but you don't mind, right?" He moves closer, brushing your arm with his fingers.

You look away and shake your head. You have to laugh at how stupid you are, to let yourself fall under his spell. "No, Jake, I don't mind at all." You look up at him. He bends down so he's at eye level with you still sitting on the piano bench.

"You're still the best singer I've ever heard, you know," he whispers, running his fingers through your hair for a moment. Your heart races, partly from worrying that someone will see you, but mostly from the thrill of his presence.

You blush at his words. "How do I know you're not lying?" You whisper back, moving even closer.

"Trust me, darling, I don't lie about things like that." Your heart skips a beat at the pet name.

"Things like what?"

"Things that move me, that touch my soul."

"You're so poetic."

"You love it," He smirks and pulls away.
He's right, you do love it. You love all his bullshit. But you hate yourself for wanting him so badly when you know he's no good, when all he does is play games with you. Still, you watch him walk away, taking your heart with him.
***

"Are you ready, baby?" Cal whispers in your ear as he stands behind you, with his strong hands on your shoulders. You sigh.

"Yeah I'm ready." You smile weakly at him.

"Everything okay, love? You've been kind of distant today." God, he's so fucking sweet. Why are you so horrible? Why don't you feel anything at all when you're with him?

"I'm okay, babe. I'm just a little nervous. It's a big crowd tonight," You swallow the lie like bitter medicine. Tonight. After the show you'll put an end to this. It doesn't matter if he hates you for a while, Cal will forgive you at some point, because that's who he is. He's the best person you know, and he doesn't deserve your
awful heart. He never did. You'll tell him that tonight.

You take Cal's hand and make your way towards the stage. You notice Jake's familiar frame standing off to the side, but he's not alone. You notice a girl in front of him. She's fucking gorgeous, that's for sure. Blonde hair, tall, skinny, pretty much everything you're not. She looks like the type of girl that rockstars from Hollywood in the 80s wrote songs about. Jake looks just as entranced by her as you are. Your heart drops as Jake moves closer to her. He reaches for her hair and your eyes start burning. You bite your lip to keep your tears from falling as his lips reach hers. You force yourself to tear your eyes away as you follow Cal onstage. You take a deep breath and grab the mic. You hope the music will make you forget the war taking place in your mind. You need it more than anything right now.