Hollywood Nights//Jake Kiszka

Twenty Two

"I just need to be alone for a while," is what you say to everyone as you rush off the stage. Your head is pounding and your ears are ringing and you know it's not because of the music, but all the thoughts bouncing around your head and torturing you. You rush as fast as possible to the dressing rooms, ignoring everyone trying to talk to you. When you reach your room you pour all your emotion into slamming that door. It's the only way you know how to express what you're feeling right now. You want to scream but you can't bear anyone hearing you.

Fuck him. That's all you're thinking.

You almost gave up everything for him. You would have given him anything he asked for. Why can't he just love you the way you love him? Why does this have to be so hard?

You sink to the floor and try to hold back your sobs. You hear the door creak open and the familiar smell of Cal's cologne fills your lungs. You look up to his eyes right in front of your face. He holds out his hand and you smile as you grab it. He holds you and it feels safe. It feels right. Like you'd never get hurt in his arms. You pretend it's where you want to be forever. Just for tonight. You'll face the truth later.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He whispers.

"No," you whisper back. "But thank you for being here," God, he's too good for you.

"Anytime, love," You feel his smile against your cheek. You let yourself smile back. Just for tonight.

•Jake's POV•

The music blares in the bar as I down my fourth drink tonight. Maybe fifth. I lost track. I'm consumed by the smell of this girl's perfume as she wraps her arms around me. Her name's Mia. That's all I know about her. She's one of the many who like to hangout backstage when we play, and usually I'd take her up on her offer, but tonight it doesn't feel right.

She smiles at me and leans in to kiss me and I almost let it happen. I've already given in enough tonight, why not just let go completely?

"No, I can't do this, sorry," I shift away from her. I've already been enough of an asshole throughout my life. I've got to break the chain at some point.

Mia narrows her eyes at me. "Is something wrong?" She tilts her head, placing her hand on my forearm.

"I-I'm just not feeling it tonight, sorry," I murmur, looking away from her and sipping the drink in front of me.

"Hmm, really? That doesn't sound like the Jake Kiszka I've been told about," She smirks, raising her eyebrows at me.

I can't help laughing at that. Fucking rumours. People never keep their mouths shut, do they? "Sorry to disappoint," I sigh and take another sip.

"You have your eyes on someone else, don't you?" She narrows her eyes at me, then they widen as she realizes. "It's that girl in that other band. The girl you kept glancing at when you were talking to me." She smiles, proud of herself for figuring me out. I don't say anything, which pretty much gives me away.

"Why don't you ask her out?" Mia keeps going.

"She has a boyfriend. And I've been an asshole to her," I shrug. She frowns.

"I don't think you should give up. There's no way you're that much of an asshole, or you'd be taking me up on my offer instead of sulking over your whiskey," She smirks and stands up to leave. "Good luck, Kiszka. See you next time you're in town." Mia gives me a kiss on the cheek and walks out of the bar.

"Thanks, see you later," I muster as I wave halfheartedly and turn back to face the bar. I thought that by throwing myself at someone else I could forget about the only girl I wanted, but clearly that's not true. If only I could stop pretending and be fucking honest with myself. Maybe she'd see I'm a better person than I've lead her to believe.

I stand up from the bar and grab my coat. I know showing up at her hotel room after having too much to drink once again is not the best idea, but what else do I have to lose, really? She either wants me or she doesn't, and tonight I'll finally put this shit to rest.