Hollywood Nights//Jake Kiszka

Eighteen

You stare into Cal's eyes as you pull away from the kiss. You finally told Chris and Becca we were together on the plane. There was no way you would have survived the tour if you hadn't. That kind of a secret is too much. Surprisingly enough they weren't as upset as you thought they would be. You broke down crying after you got the words out of my mouth, absolutely terrified of what would happen if they didn't approve. You know your friends' approval shouldn't dictate the decisions you make, but if they hated you you wouldn't be able to bear it. Becca wrapped her arms around you and told you that you could love whoever you wanted, it didn't matter. You all hugged and you felt more together than you have in weeks. This past month has been a whirlwind and you weren't sure you were going to be able to take it much longer. Everything seems to be falling into place now, though.

That will change when you see Jake again in a moment or so, however.

You and Cal step onto the bus together and the first person you notice is a tall, skinny guy with hair just like Jake's. He notices you and walks over with a massive smile on his face.

   "Hi, I'm Sam! You guys must be the new band," he shakes all of our hands. You can tell just how energetic and fun this guy must be just from this first interaction. You all introduce yourselves and you meet their tour manager as well. The manager shows you where to put out stuff and offers you drinks as well.

"You guys probably want to meet the rest of the band, right?" Sam asks you. Chris and Becca nod and Cal looks over at you. He's still the only one who knows about Jake. He senses how nervous you are and gives your hand a squeeze as you hear the footsteps of the rest of the band.

Two other guys walk into the room. You try to hide my look of confusion when you see that Jake isn't one of them. "This is Danny," Sam motions to a really tall guy with long, dark hair that is nicer than yours will ever be. He flashes a beautifully warm smile as he walks over to shake your hand.

"Hey, you must be the lead singer," he looks into your eyes and his presence immediately comforts you. You're not sure how, but it does.

"That's me," you smile. "I'm Y/N."

He smiles again. "Nice to meet you, Y/N." He moves to introduce himself to Cal beside you.

"And this is Josh, the lead singer," Sam introduces a shorter guy with curly hair and a face that is freakishly similar to Jake's. How the fuck are they not related? Josh walks over to you and flashes a smile that looks like Sam's but dangerously similar to Jake's. Looking at him takes you right back to your time with Jake and it makes you pause before you return his smile. "Umm, hi, I'm Y/N," you say quietly.

"Hi, Y/N," Josh doesn't stop smiling.

"Looks like I've got competition on the singing front now, huh?" You can tell how sweet and funny Josh is. He'll make the awkwardness with Jake a lot easier, you hope.

Where the hell is Jake, anyway? You look around and over at Cal, who looks as confused as you.

"So, who plays what?" Chris asks the guys.

"I'm the bass player, Danny's the drummer, Josh is the singer, and Jake's the guitar player. I don't know what's taking him so long but he said he'd be out soon," Sam says.

He's definitely putting off seeing you. Are you really surprised after the way he disappeared on you? You don't know how you're going to deal with this shit for the next 3 months on this bus.

"Well can you show us where we'll be sleeping while we wait for him?" You don't want to stand around anticipating seeing Jake again. You need to distract yourself.

"Sure, it's just in the back," Danny motions for you to follow him. He shows you to a separate room in the back. "You guys get the bunks on the right."

You thank him and then walk into the room. You pick the bottom bunk of one of the beds and set down your purse. You look around the room. You lean over because you swear you see something move on the other side of the room. That something pokes his head up and you have to cover my mouth to hide your jaw dropping. Jake doesn't notice you for a second but his facial expression pretty much mirrors yours when it does. Your eyes meet and neither of you can look away. You're daring each other to break the silence, but neither of you have the courage to do it. It's hard to believe that you once had trouble shutting each other up.

You look him over and try to see if he's changed. His hair has grown longer and there are dark circles under his eyes that were never there before. He carries himself a little bit different now, like being on the road is a burden on his shoulders. in Los Angeles he was freer, lighter somehow. He doesn't feel that way anymore. You can tell.

He keeps walking towards you until he's standing right in front of you. His eyes are locked with yours. Both of you have still not broken the silence between you yet. His breathing is heavy as he keeps staring at you, the emotion burning in his eyes. He reaches down and slides his hand into yours, while his other hand runs up your side until it reaches your cheek. His thumb brushes your cheekbone. He moves his other hand to the back of your neck. Your breathing gets shallow as you resist the urge to melt into him. The familiarity of the moment is overwhelming. You hadn't realized how much you'd missed his touch. The feeling of him so close to you. He leans in and your heart races. He's so close his lips are an inch away from yours before you realize what's happening.

"No," you push him away, shaking your head. "I can't do this."

"But Y/N-"

"Jake, no." You can't hide the pain in your voice. "I'm with someone else. And not to mention you don't exactly deserve my forgiveness yet."

You can see the hurt in his eyes when you say this. "I know I fucked up, Y/N. I'm sorry," you can tell he's sincere, but it's not enough.

"You can't just start acting like you want me again when you acted like i didn't exist for so long. Do you have any idea how much it hurt, thinking you forgot about me?" you have to bite your cheek to keep from sobbing in front of him.

"God, I wish i could forget about you Y/N, but I can't. I think about you every day, and I didn't have the nerve to talk to you."

You stifle an eye roll at that. "Wow, Jake. If you wanted to talk to me that badly you could've reached out! But I've moved on from you now, and you're going to have to accept that!" You don't think you have the energy to fight anymore. You turn around and walk out of the room, relieved to finally get what you've been feeling since he left off your chest. You're done with him. You can't even bear to look at him.

But you can't help but think about how it felt before everything blew up. Him so close to you, the way you used to let him in. You missed him being that close, the way he looked at you in those moments. No one else has ever looked at you like that. And that's what makes you feel sick. No man will ever make you feel the way he did, not even the one you're with now.