There was a point in my life when everything was good. Everything was happy. I was joyful and full of life, grasping to all beautiful things and keeping them forever. And I still have them with me, I hug them when I'm lonely and think of them all the time.
But I miss it. All the unconditional happiness, the laughter - I miss it. I miss not needing to drink alcohol to laugh without it being to hide my pain. I miss not falling asleep crying. I miss feeling alive. I want to feel alive. But instead I feel dead and hollowed out. I feel like there's a pit in my stomach that will never grow back together.
So I decide that it's okay to let go, that it's okay if I go. Because no matter how much I try, no matter what I do, I will never be better.
So I gather together all the people who make me smile, all the people who help me survive every day. I gather them together and laugh with them. I watch them smile and talk. The joy can be felt between us, even I feel happy in those very moments. And I know that it's okay to go. Because I've been with them. I've showed them my gratitude and love. I've said my good byes. My final good byes will follow when it's all over. But for now, it's okay for me to let go.
YOU ARE READING
The thoughts I feel
PoetryI'm not the world's best poet. But I enjoy writing poetry and things similar to that. This will be an ever growing collection of thoughts and emotions I have fathomed into words that grew into sentences, paragraphs and poems. Please don't judge. ...
