My eyes drift across the classroom, it feels so normal, so casual. That land where you used to sit, on the other end of the room. Sitting there silently, taking notes cautiously. It would be so normal to watch you bite your lip, questioning everything the teacher said. It felt so right.
But now it feels so wrong, because I know you wouldn't look back to me and smile, you wouldn't laugh when I said something stupid. And I know I shouldn't, but I miss you. Even though I know this is all my fault, though I know there is no one else to blame but me.
And now your seat is empty, silently telling the stories of your tormented past. Silently telling the stories of our past.
And everyone ignores the topic, everyone denies the very existence of what was and what ceased to exist. Everyone ignores the tears that are shed and the tears that should have been.
Even I hide my pain in laughter and smiles way too bright to be true. But everyone ignores it, for pretending not to notice is easier than accepting the truth.
And now I am a lone wanderer, a lost soul. For without you I am a broken person, without hope, without joy, without love. I lost my guidance when I lost you. No, when I pushed you away and tore you apart. When I decided to be arrogant and self self centered and to ignore your needs, your hopes and your dreams. Letting you down, breaking your heart.
And now my heart bleeds in the memory of your being, in the loss of our adoration. For I love you through and through. I love you even though I pushed you away. Even though I said I felt no more - I adore you. I love you. And hell I miss you.
YOU ARE READING
The thoughts I feel
PoetryI'm not the world's best poet. But I enjoy writing poetry and things similar to that. This will be an ever growing collection of thoughts and emotions I have fathomed into words that grew into sentences, paragraphs and poems. Please don't judge. ...
