Stay || Christopher Bang Chan

Part 11: Stay

Got7 boys continued with their concert as I went backstage with Stray Kids -unwillingly-.. They practically dragged me along with them. "But Jade's in the crowd, I don't wanna leave her there all by herse-.." I finally found a good reason to go to my seat but was interrupted "Thank you for your concern but I've been watching the whole shenanigans from back here" Jade came out of nowhere.
Well, at least I won't be alone with the boys. Alone around him.

We sat in the waiting room while the boys kept disappearing to get changed into more comfortable attires and coming back. I decided to finally face my fears and check on Instagram. Boy was I all over the explore, as the "StayAghaseGirl". I was all over Twitter as well!! Oddly, almost all comments were good. But then I remember that both fandoms are really far from toxic. Especially stays. They always got each other's back and they're always there for Stray Kids, it's a community that feels more like a family. I love that, I'm proud of that.
Apparently I was smiling thinking of that because I heard a "I hope we're the reason behind that smile" and saw chan approaching me. "Well, partially. I was thinking that stays and Stray Kids feel like a family more than just a fandom. We're always there for each other, defending each other and wishing the best for one another. And that is honestly thanks to you and your vlives." I replied honestly. He wanted to say something but was interrupted by the seven boys coming in. Jackson, like a baby came running into my arms, "did you have fun? Did you like the surprise?" He's such a cute puppy.
"I would have so much more fun if you weren't hugging me with a sweaty body though" the room broke into laughter as the boys spread to take showers and get changed.

It was crowded, so I just wanted to excuse myself and head home. At least, I tried to..
"Ummmm.." I started to get everyone's attention. "Thank you guys for this amazing birthday night. It was truly special, I had a blast but I should get back home. You know, I have a business to run, a coffee shop to open in the early morning..heh" I said as I ended my words with a slight nervous chuckle, hoping they don't sense the disappointment of putting an end to this beautiful dream.
"Nonsense, we planned to take you two to dinner with us and continue the celebration of your existence" Jaebeom was smirking as he stated their plan pointing at me and Jade.
"Ummm you guys it's fine, you don't have to do this. Entertain me, I mean. And doing sweet things like that." I paused and glanced over Chan remembering what he said earlier and continued "I might actually catch feelings" I said with giggle to hide the pain I felt. I didn't want to leave but I should seriously put an end to their act, they shouldn't be living this much time pretending to be friends with someone they barely even know. "And what's wrong with that?" Jinyoung asked.
"What's wrong with a fan falling for a one sided love trap of her favorite idols? Nothing. Oh except the poor guys would have to put up an act because she's a fan and they are just being nice nothing more." I retorted not filtering the words that came out of my mouth. Which obviously took them by surprise because they all stood there with shock all over their faces. I can't take this anymore. I need to get out of here.

I was halfway through the parking lot and I remembered that I came in with their driver and I had no idea how to go back home. "Ugh! Fuck this shit!" I yelled as I fell down to my knees all by myself in this dark space. I felt a hand rubbing my back, thought it was Jade so I just ignored it and kept sobbing. "It hurts, how could I let myself have feelings for them? How did I even dare to call them friends? They were just being nice to me and I dug my claws holding onto them. GOD! I'm so stupid!!" I yelled again, but the echo of my voice filled the empty space.
"Gee you're not stupid. If anyone is; it's me. I shouldn't have said what I did earlier. You mean more to us than just a fan" Chan's voice cam closer as he held me in his embrace. God it felt good. I felt safe. Wait, no!
I tried to move out of his embrace but he held onto me and said nothing but..
"Stay"
"Why? Stop saying things you don't mean. Stop telling me what I wanna here because I'm a 'fan'!!" I yelled at him standing up breaking free from the safest place in this goddamn world.

Chan's POV:
Her eyes showed so much pain, even though she was laughing her way out of it, trying to hide how she feels. I was the cause of this, I told her that we entertain fans. God I'm so stupid.
She ran away and I couldn't let her go believing that she's just another fan. I ran after her and heard her yelling at the parking lot and saw her body figure drop to her knees. I ran over to her. I wanted to hold her tight but instead, I just rubbed her back to calm her down. "It hurts, how could I let myself have feelings for them? How did I even dare to call them friends? They were just being nice to me and I dug my claws holding onto them. GOD! I'm so stupid!!" She said yelled at the top of her lungs.

It hurts me more to see you like this. It hurts to see you believing that we're not your friends. And it kills me because I'm the cause of your current state.

"Gee you're not stupid. If anyone is; it's me. I shouldn't have said what I did earlier. You mean more to us than just a fan" I tried to show her the sincerity in my statement, so I held onto her tight. God she felt good in my arms. She made me feel safe.
Her body muscles relaxed before she tried to move again. I refuse to let you go.
"Stay"
"Why? Stop saying things you don't mean. Stop telling me what I wanna here because I'm a 'fan'!!" She yelled at me. I had enough of this.
"Gee will you stop?! Why do you keep building up walls and pushing us away? Do you think I would run after you if you were just a fan? Do you truly believe that I would notice and be madly in love with all of your details if you were just another fan? If you wanna ignore my feelings that is up to you. But don't you dare say that we're not your friends and just acting around you. The guys truly care for you, they have been through hell to make that surprise happen on stage in front of the entire world!" I yelled back. "You're right. It hurts to be in a one-sided love trap, but you're not the one in that trap. I am." I finally said it. Weak, defeated and vulnerable is all I'm feeling now.