twilight (sana x g!p female reader)

verse 1

Italics - lyrics. bold - flashback. normal - present.

date: july 26, 2020

오늘도 새벽 3시 또 눈이 떠졌잖아. (It's 3AM and my eyes open again)

i slept for an hour after waking up from the lack of your scent and presence. this wasn't the first restless night after we broke up. they were frequent actually and no matter what i did, they always happened. you always crawl in my head and wake me up. i am a fool to wake up and think you'd be here and that this was just a nightmare. i've been a fool for 2 months. waking up, wondering where you've went, only to realize you've left me.

gasping, i woke up from lack of warmth. i look around, finding the curtains open and the bedroom door opened but you weren't there. your place was cold, meaning you've been gone for a while. i was about to call out your name when you appeared right in front of me after exiting the bathroom. you were smiling, your head tilted making your brunette strands fall on your face slightly. you noticed my worried face, turned your head to its ordinary position and walked towards me. you squatted right beside me, mimicking my worried face. "what?" you asked with your smooth voice. i smiled slightly and shook my head which made you giggle and tuck hair behind your ear. and in that moment, i thought, 'you are the most beautiful thing in the entire universe'.

이불을 덮어써 봐도. (I try going under the covers)

to stop me from having a breakdown after realizing your presence can't calm my mentally unstable ass down all the time, i've realized going under the covers is the closest i'll ever get to the warmth when i was in between your arms. i remember how safe i felt when i was in your arms, how calm i felt as you talked me down with your soothing voice from doing stupid things. in your arms, that was my favorite place...and you took that away from me.

my face was drowning in my tears after another panic attack. it was the same story, i felt overwhelmed and my mind started thinking about other stressful things which cause my body to tremble, my throat to close up and my face to become an ocean of tears. "Y/N? Y/N?" i hear your voice call out my name and hear footsteps enter the room. you can obviously see the shaking ball under the covers. you come and slowly takes off the blanket. "baby, you know that'll block your airways." you took the blanket off fully gently. i look up at you and see your blurry figure. your hands come to clean my face and when you did, i could see your face so clearly. your eyes were filled with tears that begged to be let go but you tried so hard not to set them free. instead you sat next to me, pulled me closer to your chest and rubbed my back, which made me hiccup. that was the first time you've witnessed any of my breakdowns but you handled it so professionally which made me fall for you more. you knew exactly where my safe place was...in your arms.

천장만 바라보다 양들을 세어보다. (I'm staring at the ceiling, I'm counting sheep)

a method you taught me if i ever needed to go to sleep and you weren't there. you told me if i got to 100 and still couldn't sleep, i should call you and you would 'bore me to sleep'. which was impossible because every second i spent talking to you, my heart would beat fast and i couldn't focus on anything else but you. i told myself to never tell you that, though, because then our 2 am calls would be no more.

another night without you is another sleepless night. it was 2:44 am and i had been counting sheep for 2 minutes.

97.

98.

99.

100.

and yet, i'm not asleep. so, i did the very thing you advised me to do when i can't sleep and i called you. the first time i did this, i was so nervous and now, we've been together for about 8 months but i still feel nervous calling you. it ringed a few times before you answered which tells me that you were asleep.