"I'll always be here for you~"

1

"You're worthless" my brain spat, while I sliced the blade into my skin.

"You're pathetic." cut.

"You're a disappointment." cut.

"No one cares"." cut.

"No one will ever care." cut.

I slide the razor blade across my wrist one last time, opening my eyes to reveal my work.

Cuts on scabs, scabs on scars, scars on top of more scars.

It was a never ending cycle.

I stared down at my wrist, wanting to cry, but no tears came. Wanting to scream, but didn't, not wanting to bother my sleeping parents and brother down the hall.

So I just sat, up against the wall in my room, slowly rocking back and forth, trying desperately to keep my breathing quiet.

I worked on stopping the bleeding, I wrapped my arm with the tissues, and then secured the tissues with painters tape from my art supplies.

Silence.

I hear nothing but silence.

"Silence is the only thing you'll ever hear." My brain said.

"You'll forever hear silence, as you will forever be alone."

'But I have Chris, he loves me." I thought.

"Remember what happened the last time you were with Chris?" My brain flooded back to the memories of only a few hours ago.
_______________________________

"YOU USLESS BITCH!!" Chris screamed, chucking a beer bottle at my head, unfortunately hitting his target.

"Come HERE!" He yelled, pointing his finger at the floor in front of him.

I cower in fear, and obey him, not wanting to get hit again.

"WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?!"

"I-I was-s with F/n." I stutter.

"And you DIDN'T ASK ME FIRST?" He boomed, making me tremble were I stood.

"I-I didn't thi-I-nk you'd min-" *SLAP*

He struck me across the face, making me stumble to the floor.

"fucking bitch." He says as he spits on me.
_______________________________

My brain snaps back into reality when my 14 year old brother, Sam, knocks on my door.

"Can I come in?" He asks.

"Y-yeah." I say, quickly hiding the blade and bloody tissues and tape, and rolling up my sleeves, also trying my best to keep my composure.

He walks in, closing the door behind him, before sitting down next to me.

"Are you alright?" He asks.

I nod.

"Are you sure Y/n?"

"Mhmm" I say, fighting back tears.

He just stared at my face a little bit, contemplating weather or not to believe me.

It was different when being alone, being alone I wanted so desperately to cry, but now that my brother was here, I needed to keep myself composed, be the older model, to not break down and burden him with my problems.

Sam just sighs.

"Ok, Welp I'm gonna go back to sleep." He says, before hugging me and standing up.

Before he leaves the room, he turns around and smiles. "I love you big sis."

"I love you too baby bro." I say, forcing a fake smile.

He smiles again and leaves the room, closing the door behind him.

Once he leaves, I make sure he's in his room before I break down sobbing, I held a hand over my mouth to keep me from screaming.

I lied.

I lied to my baby brother.

I wish I told him I wasn't ok.

I wish I asked for help.

But I got scared.

Like the wimp I am.

I didn't want to bother him.

I looked at the clock, 2:37.

'Shit' I thought, I've got school tomorrow.

I was a 19 year old college student studying in graphic design, and I had early classes at 7:30 in the morning.

I quickly got up from my spot on the floor and threw away the bloody tissues.

Then I took the tissue I wrapped around my wrist off, and examined the cuts, they stopped bleeding so I threw away those tissues too.

I got into my bed and got myself situated.

My mind was turning and thinking about my life choices, how disappointed my family would be if they ever found out, eventually this tired me out, making me slowly fall into the darkness of sleep.