Chapter 22: A Vivid Truth

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Author's note: The pictures I've attatched to this chapter are (from left to right) Grey, Ivan, and Ni. Just wanted to give you some visuals of what the characters look like. Also, dedicating this chapter to unknownfangirl17 because she asked for the pictures. 

Grey's POV:

Keeping secrets from those you love is the worst. 

But what else am I supposed to do? Just take the medicine? Do what everyone is expecting me to do? Taking the medicine is just going to prolong my death. Even if I do manage to make it through the entire games without falling extremely ill, I won't let myself win. I can't. That's not fair to those who can live a real life after the games. If I were to win, I would just go on to live an unfulfilled life of medication and limited opportunity. All these other victors could actually make something out of their win. So the way I see it, I should just wait for the illness to take me. That would be the simplest option. 

The problem is, none of my alliance members would agree with me. Ni, Chris, and especially Ivan have been fretting over me since the moment these games started, and even before then. I will never forget the way Ivan's face lit up when he saw the medication. Little do they know that I never took it. I can already feel the symptoms hitting- occasional dizziness, nausea, cold sweats, weakness. I've been through this routine so many times (this isn't the first time I've gone off my medication) that I know exactly what will happen next.  In about 24 hours, the vomiting will start. It will be impossible for me to ingest anything. 12 hours after that, I'll be too weak to walk. And then 12 hours after that, two days from now, I'll get to the part that I've never actually obtained. 

I glanced over to Ivan to see him interacting with Chris. They both had their hands pressed against the trunk of the tree. Chris was smiling brighter than I had ever seen, as if being around this tree had given her true happiness. Ivan was smiling, too, but not because of the tree. He always gets a bright smile on his face when Chris is around. 

Seeing Ivan's happy like that gave me mixed emotions. On one hand, I love seeing him happy. He's my older brother. I want what's best for him. On the other, I'm sad about it, because I know that it's going to go away. Right now, Ivan's life isn't so bad. Sure, he's in the Hunger Games. But he's alive. And his sister's alive. And the love of his life is alive. How is he going to change when he finds out I didn't take the dosage? And when is he going to realize that I'm sick? There's a good chance this suicide plan won't work- Ivan can be very forceful if he wants to be. 

"So, Grey, right?" Kyla said to me before putting the canteen to her lips. Ni had filled it up with water for her. 

"Yeah. And Kyla?" 

"Yeah. District 1." 

"What's a girl from District 1 doing with the 11s and 12s?" I asked. 

She shrugged. "I've never really intended to be allied with anyone. But you showed me mercy. You had every opportunity to kill me and you didn't. And now you're giving me water. I owe you guys something." 

I nodded and turned my head away, looking back to the water. Ni sat beside the lake, a knife still in his hand. His head kept darting back and forth, paying attention to any potential danger. I was hyper-aware of Kyla's presence by my side. She makes me uneasy. Of course I didn't want to kill her- I was one of the first people to defend her, and I've had enough killing already as it is. However, this is the Hunger Games, and I know nothing about her. She could be a psychopath for all I know. And while I've accepted my fate, I'm not exactly comfortable with her being around my brother or my friends. She may be dangerous. 

As I let my mind wander, exhaustion seeped into my bones. With each passing moment, I can feel myself getting worse. The vial of medicine rested in my pocket, begging to be taken. I closed my eyes for a moment, resisting the urge. 

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