Harry Styles Imagines

Part 4

Stanley was nice. Like, ridiculously nice. He was so adorable and complimentary and didn't falter once as you went on your first date. And that first date turned into a second and a third and before you knew it Kendall was getting you ready for your fourth date.
"A fourth date!" Kendall cried, "Can you believe it?!"
"No I can't," you laughed.
"No I can't," Harry grumbled.
"What are you even doing here still?" Kendall laughed, poking Harry's arm as he stood against the wall. Kendall was doing your makeup for the casual date you were going on with Stanley to the boardwalk. You weren't too excited about it. Really you didn't care much. But after getting through a whole date with him, you felt obligated to go on another. And you were too nice to tell him you didn't want to go on dates anymore.
Plus, he was too nice to turn down. You had a feeling it would break his heart.
So you let Kendall sit and primp your hair and makeup because you knew it was making her happy as well to see one of her close friends out and having a good time.
"I'm planning your wedding," she told you, "I think it would be cute in the summer."
"Doesn't matter because the weather is always the same here," you mumbled, "I miss seasons."
"Been back to New York lately?" Harry asked.
"Not for about eight months," you mumbled. You remembered the last time you'd been in New York. You'd been there with Harry so you could finally introduce him to your parents after a year and a half of dating. It had been a lovely visit and you parents had adored him. They were shocked a month later to find out you'd split up.
"Oh," was all Harry said before he went back to eating his cereal.
"Are you all ready for tonight?" you asked Kendall. She had a family dinner and they would most likely be shooting.
"Yeah I'm fine," Kendall sighed, "I already know what my mom wants to talk about. She wants to take us on a vacation and with everything going on right now I say we should go."
"I'll start looking at beach things for you to wear," you nodded, "Considering I'm sure you'll be going to an island."
"Maybe back to St. Bart's again," Kendall sighed.
"You should take them to that little lagoon we found," Harry said excitedly. You found it just downright adorable how excited he got about the littlest things. You had to stop yourself from smiling as you looked down at your chipping nails.
"After what we did at that lagoon I'm definitely not taking my family there, Harry," Kendall chuckled.
And there it was again. There was the reminder that Kendall and Harry were definitely a couple and doing lots of fun couple things that made you sick to your stomach.
"I think it's time for me to go," you mumbled.
"Your date isn't for another hour!" Kendall whined.
"Yeah but I'd really like to go," you said flat out. The sentence shocked both Kendall and Harry as you stood up quickly and cleared your throat. "Thanks for the makeup touch ups," you mumbled before rushing out of the apartment.
Just a couple days ago when you'd been dressing Kendall for a business dinner, she'd mentioned how much fun she was enjoying hanging out again with the three of you. You knew she couldn't see how uncomfortable it was for you and Harry, considering she was just seeing the glory days back then the three of you caused a ruckus everywhere you went. You really wanted to give that to Kendall, that fun atmosphere of having the three of you back together again, but you really just couldn't do it anymore.
You'd talk to her about it tomorrow.
But you were also busy with your new clothing line. The last supplier you'd gone to had been expecting you and it barely took the whole presentation before they said they'd be happy to commit. So now you had papers plastered to your walls in your apartment everywhere of dress designs and shoes and ensembles that you'd been dreaming about for a long time.
Stanley said he'd meet you at the pier so you waited the appropriate amount of time before making your way down to the docks. He was waiting for you by a hot dog stand and you gave him a hug when he greeted you.
"I hope you like games," Stanley smiled, "Because there seems to be quite a few."
"I've been here before," you nodded, "It's a lot of fun." You'd been here with Harry actually, and the thought slowly pulled the smile from your face.
"You alright?" Stanley asked, "You seem distant."
"I just have a lot on my mind," you sighed, "Let's get to those games, shall we?"
You were able to cope with it for half an hour. Half an hour of games before you felt yourself completely falling apart. You couldn't do this anymore. You couldn't keep up this illusion of being okay and back on the dating scene when in reality every time you went out with Stanley, you completely fell apart afterwards. You felt like a shell going about your business on the outside but on the inside you were rattling around inside trying to escape.
"Stanley," you gripped his arm and stopped him from moving on to the next carnival game. "I'm so sorry but I really can't do this."
"What's wrong?" he asked, tilting his head slightly, "Are you not feeling well?"
"Physically I'm okay," you nodded, "But emotionally I just don't think I'm ready for this. I know it's been months since my last relationship but it meant a lot to me and was a huge commitment. I'm starting a business soon and I just ... I just don't think I can be a good girlfriend to you."
Stanley nodded slowly as you talked and you ran your hands over your face. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to lead you on or anything. I just needed time to see if I could actually do this or not."
"No I understand," Stanley nodded, "I appreciate your honesty."
"I think it would be best if I just left," you said quietly, "I feel horrible; I'm so sorry."
"It's okay," Stanley gave you a genuine smile before you patted his arm fondly and started walking off pier back towards the parking lot. As you walked, you felt all the emotions you'd been trying to suppress during the times spent with Harry and Kendall recently start to bubble to the surface as the tears started almost choking you.
You stepped to the side and gripped your chest as a sob tore through your body. This was too much to handle. You couldn't do this anymore. You physically couldn't be around Harry anymore.
"Y/N? Y/N!" Strong arms wrapped around you and you melted into them. Your legs all of about gave out and you clung to the sturdy chest holding you up as you cried quietly.
"What ... what are you ..." You tried to speak through your tears but barely could form a word as Harry steered you towards the end of the pier.
"Call me crazy but I came to check up on you," he mumbled, "I know what happens after a fourth date for you. I went on a fourth date with you and very much enjoyed the after party. I just ... I wasn't sure if I wanted you going through with it."
"You were stalking me!" you cried through your tears. "Stalker!"
"Good one Y/N," Harry rolled his eyes. "Look, I'm not trying to be creepy but I just felt like you needed someone looking out for you tonight, okay? You almost fucking cracked at Kendall's earlier."
"You think this is easy for me?!" you cried a bit louder than intended.
"You're not driving like this," Harry sighed, "Please get in my car."
"What about my car?"
"We'll come back and get it tomorrow."
You would have fought him on this but fighting wasn't really your thing and you didn't have the energy for it. You felt like you were being torn to shreds every which way like Voldemort at the end of the Harry Potter movies and you had the most aching feeling in your chest that just wouldn't seem to go away.
"I wasn't going to have sex with him," you mumbled as Harry drove you back to your apartment.
"I mean, you could have if you wanted to," Harry said, "I wasn't going to stop it."
"But what were you going to do? Watch?" you snapped, "Seriously Harry. I don't hear anything from you for six months -"
"Seven months."
"Whatever," you scoffed. "In the time I really needed you - the time that I was literally falling apart - I didn't hear anything from you. And now that I'm finally moving on and feeling better about myself you just come right back and fuck everything up."
"Did you just swear?!" Harry turned to look at you, "Oh my gosh you just swore."
"I swear quite often," you quipped defensively. "I swore the other day when I found you and Kendall doing whatever the hell you were doing."
"Okay but that's understandable," Harry said, pulling into your apartment lot. "You just don't usually casually swear."
"I need a drink," you grumbled, clambering out of the car and towards the elevator. "Do you still know how to pick locks?"
"It's like riding a bike," Harry said. You glared at him and he cleared his throat. "I mean, yes. Yes I still know how to pick locks."
"Great. Come on."
"What are you -"
"Just come on."
Niall had locked all your alcohol in your safe the past couple weeks because he had a feeling you would abuse it and then taken the key. And he knew you were too cheap to go out and buy more, so you laid down on the ground next to Harry and handed him a couple bobbypins as he worked the lock.
"Why did he lock all your alcohol away?" Harry asked as he worked.
"Because he figured I would drink myself to death with the reappearance of my ex into my life," you said back. "Are you there yet?"
Harry was quiet as he continued to jimmy the lock and finally it clicked. You opened the small safe under your bed and pulled out the vodka bottle, immediately taking off the top and taking a swig.
"You shouldn't drink vodka. You're a lightweight," Harry scolded.
"Yeah and there's things I could say you shouldn't do but you don't see me saying anything," you said back. Alcohol gave you the nastiest of tempers. It was like alcohol made you everything you weren't and Harry knew he was in for a long night if you were going to be drinking.
"Maybe we should get shot glasses?" he suggested, more to himself than to you. But you shook your head and mumbled, "Niall took them."
"Niall took all your shot glasses?!"
"I only had three," you shrugged and sat down on your bed, taking a couple more swigs of the vodka.
Harry looked around your room and sighed. "You haven't really changed anything, have you?"
You shrugged again and watched him as he looked around your room. "What'd you do with all the pictures?"
"Burned them. Made a sacrifice to Hades with them," you said back before rolling your eyes and flopping down, taking a little box from Tiffany's out from under your bed and handing it to Harry. The box had originally held a complete set of a necklace, earrings and a bracelet that Harry had gotten you for your one year anniversary. But when everything was removed, it created a great little time capsule for all the Polaroids, notes, pictures, and little crafts you'd exchanged over the year and a half.
"You kept everything," Harry whispered quietly.
"Didn't really have a choice," you grumbled, "I would have hated myself even more if I'd gotten rid of them. Those pictures gave me so much fucking confidence."
The alcohol was getting to you now and everything you said was fair game. Nothing was stopping you from speaking your mind and Harry knew that, but stepped around the words tentatively because he knew they would also be angry words. And he wasn't sure he was ready to face them.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"Well," you sighed, "I always felt the most beautiful and comfortable when I was with you. I could smile fully. I could wear what I wanted and still feel pretty. I felt like a Kendall when I was with you."
You watched as Harry went through everything, smiling softly at memories you'd cherished by yourself for seven months now. It was odd having him back here in the one room where you'd given him everything you had. You wondered if he knew you were a virgin when you first got together or not, but regardless everything he did for you in that relationship meant the world to you.
"You are beautiful," Harry said quietly, "You just never really saw it in yourself."
You let out a breathy chuckle and stood up, teetering slightly under your drunken state before laughing flat out. "God I hate you."
You watched as Harry winced at your words before clearing his throat. He put the box down next to him slowly and then back up at you. "Why's that?"
"Just who do you think you are?" you asked, "I was finally, FINALLY getting over you - or so I thought - and then suddenly you had to go and fuck Kendall?"
Your words made Harry flinch as he looked down at his clasped hands and let out a long breath.
"I mean," you laughed, "What was your thought process, Harry? You know Kendall and I are inseparable. I work for her! I'm one of her best friends! How could it not go through your mind that it would end with you hurting me AGAIN!"
Everything you'd been feeling for a month now came crashing down as you paced drunkenly back and forth. "Are you an idiot?!" you cried, "What did you think would happen?! That we magically wouldn't be around each other while you were dating my best friend and technical boss?! I'd be dressing her for her wedding you idiot! But I would avoid the actual wedding because there's no way in hell I'd go to your wedding. No matter who you're marrying, I won't go."
"I wasn't planning on this happening!" Harry cried. He was sitting at the edge of my bed with his fingers running through his hair as his eyes turned red with almost tears. "I reached out to her because I knew she would respond. I wasn't planning on ending up with her Y/N. In reality, I just wanted an in back into your life."
You were quiet as Harry sighed and let out a long groan that ending in him yelling slightly and clasping his hands into fists. "I didn't want to end up with her! I wanted to end up with you! I figured if I reached out to Kendall and became her friend again then I could slowly slip back into your life as your friend. I thought maybe," Harry shook his head, "I thought maybe I could make you fancy me again if we spent enough time together."
"But then you fucked her."
"Y/N ..."
"No! Admit it! You just went and slept with you instead of working to get back to me. I get it," you shrugged, "Why not? She's hot and famous and rich and has her shit together and I just get her closet together. No biggie. No comparison."
"That's not it," Harry sighed, "I just ... She was telling me about everything you've accomplished since I've not been in your life anymore and I thought that maybe you were better off without me, you know? And then Kendall admitted how much she'd missed me since our breakup and things just happened."
"Why would you ever think I was better off without you?" you whispered. You took a step forward and reached out to run your thumb over his cheekbone. "There isn't a parallel universe anywhere where I would be better off without you."
Harry leaned into your hand and closed his eyes, relishing in your touch before placing his hand over yours and kissing your palm. "I know that now," he mumbled quietly, holding your hand in both of his larger ones. "And I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you. I love you, Y/N, and hurting you was never my intention."
"If I asked you to kiss me right now, would you?" You asked quietly and stepped forward again so you were in between Harry's legs.
He leaned forward and placed his hands on your hips, resting his forehead on your stomach as your carted your fingers through his hair. "Yes," he whispered, "So please don't. I can't do that to Kendall and you can't either."
"You're right," I sighed, breaking from the trance I was in and pushing away. "You should leave."
"Do you really want that?" Harry asked, "I can stay on your couch and make sure you're better in the morning. You'll have a hangover and -"
"No please leave," you nodded, "This already isn't okay."
Harry nodded somberly and stood, grabbing his phone and taking one of the Polaroids from the box of the two of us in New York. He walked towards the door and turned back, examining my face as I was his.
"How do you do it?" he asked, "How do you suppress so many feelings only to tear yourself apart later?"
I shrugged, "I put others first. I like seeing happiness in others."
"Isn't your happiness important though?"
"Not as much. Other's happiness is what makes me happy," you said quietly, even though you knew deep down the only thing that would make you happy was Harry.
"I would go insane," Harry whispered.
You shrugged and took a sip of your vodka again.
"It's my flaw," you said, "I'm too nice."
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