Harry Styles Imagines

In The Shadows

Chapter two
Y/n wishes she was more outspoken. As much as she'd love to be able to say whatever she's think or feeling, she can't. She's always been more of an observer rather than a contributor. That's why her and Jess get along so well. It's never really bothered her before, at least not to the point of tears, but as Jess smiles and motions to the girls-sorority girls-behind her, y/n really thinks she can cry.
"This is my way in Y/n!" Jess quietly squeals, throwing her purse over her shoulder. "We can read together any other time, yeah? But it's not always that Tina Walt invites you to go shopping with her, right?"
Y/n's lip tries to wobble, so she quickly forces a smile. "Of course, it's a once in a lifetime opportunity."
Jess practically leaps into the air, leaving her copy of The Great Gatsby on the bench as she throws an arm around y/n's shoulder. "You're the best! I'll see you later!"
She's gone before y/n can even say bye, skipping over to the group of girls she so desperately wants to be a part of. Y/n takes Jess' book in her hands, staring at the cover blankly. She's not really sure what to do. In the all the years they've been friends, Jess has never missed out on important things like book club. She's never picked anyone else over y/n. And it stings. Really badly.
She's taking deep, slow breaths, as she stands up from the bench and slips her backpack on when the best possible person stops her.
"Hey peanut, whatcha doing?"
Harry comes up behind her, and she quickly blinks away her tears before turning to look at him. "Just heading home." She says, awkwardly shifting the books in her hands. Harry glances down at them, eyebrows pinching together when he sees she's carrying two copies.
"What about ya book group?"
"Book club," she corrects softly, "and uh, Jess had to go." Y/n nudges her head in the direction her best friend took off in. She looks over, seeing the girls still walking across the courtyard towards the sorority houses.
"With Tina?" Harry asks, incredulously. "She chose Tina over the great adventures of..." he leans in closer, taking a peak at the book cover, "Gatsby? No taste in that one, I swear."
Despite the heaviness in her stomach, y/n giggles, reaching up to rub her eye because a little drop of water is trying to sneak out. Harry grins proudly, running a hand through his hair before returning it to the pocket of his Green Bay hoodie. Y/n looks over him, an endeared smile taking over her lips when her eyes move from his skinny jeans to the brown boots on his feet. She remembers when the only shoes he owned were either TOMS or low-top Converse.
"Who needs to read it when you've seen the movie, right?" Y/n jokes quietly, even though the words are like salt in a wound. Her and Jess watched the movie once, and Jess loved it so much it was her idea to read the book.
"I've never seen nor read it." Harry admits, shrugging. "S'it a good read?"
Y/n nods, moving her hands when he reaches for the top one. She watches him inspect the cover and then turn it over to read the back, eyes squinting a bit as he focuses. She wonders if he does that in concentration or maybe he has a hard time seeing the little letters.
"I'll read it with ya." He finally says, tucking the little book into his hoodie pocket. "Have ya already started it?"
Eyes wide, she shakes her head. "N-no today was the first uh-you really want to read it?"
Harry chuckles at her surprise. "Believe it or not, I do read peanut." Y/n smiles sheepishly. Of course she knows he reads, she just wasn't expecting him to want to read with her.
"Come on, book group at my house. I've got pizza rolls!"
Before she even think about what she's doing, y/n is walking by his side towards the frat house, grateful for Harry. If she hadn't bumped into him just now, she would've spent the walk home holding back tears, and the rest of the day trying to read through blearily eyes.
~
The frat house isn't so bad to be at when there's not a raging crowd of college students and alcohol on every available surface. It's actually fairly quiet, the occasional sound of Niall yelling reaching theirs ears, but for the most part, it's perfect for reading.
With the backyard empty, the only sound is the shuddering of leaves when a breeze comes through, and the shuffling when her or Harry turn a page of their books. They didn't decide on when to stop reading, and y/n's glad because she thinks she can stay here all day. Harry had brought out a large hammock from the camping supplies, tying the ropes between the posts on the porch, and they'd squished together. At first they had lied opposite ways, but after Harry shoved his sock clad toes into her neck for the sixth time they moved.
Harry had to stretch his arms out behind her head because it was too annoying that his elbow kept bumping hers. Now she just has to help him turn pages since he's only got one free hand. Y/n is nearing the end of chapter four when Harry sets his book down on his chest, breathing out a soft sigh. He doesn't speak, so she quickly finishes up the chapter before closing her book as well. She turns her head to look at him, eyes falling over the slope of his nose and the dip between his lips. After a moment, he finally speaks.
"Remember when we used to have sleepovers all the time?"
It's not what she was expecting to hear after reading The Great Gatsby, but she smiles fondly.
"Of course I do. We had them at least once a week."
Harry hums, eyes locked on the sky above. She wonders what he's thinking about, what made him recall the numerous sleepovers they had.
"Think that's what I missed most when I moved here." He said quietly, as if he's not exactly sure about the statement. "Sleeping on the living room floor. Always had to put ya between Jess and me 'cuz we would kick the fuck outta each other."
Y/n giggles, eyes fluttering shut. She can still see the glow of the tv in the room, and Harry sprawled out in a sleeping bag that was always bigger and fluffier than hers or Jess'. She remembers that he liked to tuck his face into his pillow or the top cover, burrowing until all that was visible was the mess of curls on his head. He always slept the complete opposite of Jess, who always slept on her back, hands on her tummy as if she were a recently petrified mummy.
It's funny that they would kick each other, because she only remembers being a squirmer when he sleeps. Maybe Jess only moved if he moved; a kick for a kick type of thing.
"Never kicked me," she finally says.
"Didn't need to kick ya," Harry replies, "you weren't the one sleeping like a bloody corpse."
She laughs at that, and it makes Harry chuckle too. "God, she's terrifying sometimes," he whispers, a secret between the two of them, "I used to think she didn't have a soul."
It's petty and dramatic of her, but y/n can't help but mumble, "I'm starting to think the same thing."
As soon as it leaves her lips she wants to take it back, even if her chest feels lighter for saying it. Her eyes snap open, alarmed and ready to take it back. Until she's met with Harry's soft gaze, eyes beckoning her to say whatever's on her mind.
"Oh," he simply says in a quiet breath.
"It's just, the past few weeks she's been so obsessed with Tina and her sorority, it's like I don't even exist anymore." It feels good to say, and Harry's still looking at her warmly, so she continues.
"I mean, I knew college was gonna kinda split us. Of course she's going to have different friends, we have different majors, but like....it seems like she got so many so fast and I'm still in the same place."
"And what place is that?" Harry asks, curious and genuine.
"Watching. I'm always watching. I'm watching her become the captain of the volleyball team, and the top lawyer on the mock trial team, and valedictorian, and now I'm watching her become the poster college girl while I'm sat on the bench with two copies of The Great Gatsby." She knows she sounds pathetic, but it's the truth.
"And me," Harry adds sincerely, "you've got me on that bench waiting for one of those copies."
Her heart beats in her throat at his words, and she thinks she might cry again, so she just shuts her eyes and wiggles closer to him until her nose is in his ribs. Harry's arm moves to cradle her head, fingers rubbing over her shoulder soothingly.
"Know m'her brother, and I know what it's like to be left in her shadow," Harry whispers, another secret for just them, "grew up in her bloody shadow. If you get lonely there, you can always come find me."
She moves her arm to hug him, smiling at how soft his hoodie feels under her palm, and she squeezes him in thanks. "It'll be us, then, just sat on a bench, huh?"
"Having book group of course."
"Book club."
"S'what I said peanut."
~
The next few weeks bring lots of changes to y/n's life. Jess officially decides she wants to pledge Tina's sorority, which y/n is kind of hurt about because they can't live together if Jess is living at a sorority house, but she refuses to be an unsupportive friend. She can live in the shadow, she reminds herself, because Harry will be there too. So she wishes Jess luck, and tries not to act too. annoyed when Jess leaves her during studying hours to go with some girls from the sorority, or when she stops having root beer floats with her because "these girls are all size ones." Y/n really doesn't want to ruin her best friend's dreams, even if they make her rude and a little shallow, so she ends up spending root beer floats night by herself. She can handle some alone time if it means Jess succeeds. After all, she was always alone before Jess showed up.
The final straw comes on a Saturday. It's grocery day, and the four girls all agreed last week that they'd take Jess' car to the store around 12 to buy food. That however, is not the case when y/n walks out to the kitchen, fully ready to go only to find a note on the fridge from Jess.
Had to drive the girls to the east side. Be home later! -Jx
Y/n can't help but scoff, fists clenching in anger. She snatches the note off the fridge, crumpling it and tossing it in the trash. Tia pokes her head into the kitchen, and if she notices how angry y/n is, she doesn't say.
"Jo and I are going out since Jess got busy. See ya later!"
She's once again on the verge of tears as she stomps back into her room, grabbing her phone and unlocking it. Her finger hovers over Jess' contact, ready to scream at her for ruining their plans, but she can't press it. Instead, she finds the contact belonging to Harry.
Hey Har, you busy?
His reply is almost instant.
No ma'am! What's up?
She can't help but smile, wiping at the few tears on her cheeks.
The shadows feeling lonely.
She wonders what he was up to, because he replies just as fast as the first text.
I'll get my hammock ready peanut :)
~
The clouds hang low, deep dark puffs in the sky that let y/n know it'll probably rain soon. Well, that and the smell of the rain. A sharp gust of wind blows in her face, making her eyes water and teeth chatter. She tightens the strings of her hoodie, looking down at the sidewalk to keep the wind out of her face.
"Hey peanut!" Her head snaps up at the sound of his voice, finding Harry steadily walking towards her
"What are you doing Har?" She asks, sighing in relief when they get close enough for his body to block the wind. He shrugs, looking around sheepishly.
"Didn't want ya walking alone."
She can't help but blush, digging her chin into her hoodie to keep him from seeing her undoubtedly red cheeks. "I mean, m'almost there already."
Warmth pools in her stomach when he shrugs again. She knows it's not right of her to be looking at her best friend's brother so fondly, as if he were the sun breaking through the clouds, but she can't help it. She spent so many of her teenage years blaming her attraction to Harry on teenage hormones, simply because she knows how Jess is. She never wanted to hurt Jess or risk losing her by admitting that she likes Harry, but the more Jess pulls away from her, the more she's starting to realize that maybe she shouldn't be guilty about her feelings.
"Well let's go before it starts raining!" She laughs, playfully shoving Harry in the direction he came. He chuckles too, nodding his head a couple times, and she huddles by his side as they walk. With his elbow bumping hers, she can't remember why she even texted Harry in the first place, but she's glad she did.
~
"Do you think I'm being a baby?"
Harry drops his spoonful of Spanish rice back into his bowl, head tilting like a curious puppy as he looks over at y/n.
"No, I don't think you are." He says sincerely, and maybe he's saying it just to validate her, bit either way it's nice. "If ya had plans for today and everyone dropped them, it's not on you peanut."
She nods, looking back towards the living room TV, though she doesn't focus on it. She lets his words sink in, repeating to herself that she's entitled to her emotions and that the girls are being bad roommates.
"I guess, just sucks that we're all gonna starve for the next week because Jess took her car."
She smiles pitifully, taking another bite of her rice. Harry sets his on the coffee table, swallowing the bite in his mouth and turning towards her. "Could take mine."
Y/n can't help but laugh, cupping a hand over her mouth and turning her head so he can't see the food in her mouth. "Harry, I'm terrible at driving." She says after swallowing her bite. He rolls his eyes at her because obviously he knew that.
"I meant with me driving, you muppet."
His teasing tone makes her blush, and she sets her bowl on the table too just so she has something to do other than looking into his pretty eyes.
"Y-yeah okay. If you don't mind."
Harry lightly shoves her shoulder, eyebrows raised. He doesn't even have to speak for her to know what he's saying. 'Do you really think I mind peanut?'
"Then let's go!" She says, jumping up from the couch. She digs her shoes out from under the coffee table, slipping them on while Harry takes their dishes to the kitchen and grabs his keys.
She waits for him at the door while he gets his shoes and hoodie on, and they squeeze through the doorway of the frat house out into the drizzling sky.
Harry's car is parked across the street, an old Ford that belonged to his grandma. She had given it to him for his 17th birthday, and while it was old and leaked oil, a car's a car. Y/n hurries into the car so she doesn't get to wet in the rain, and sitting in the passenger sheet switches something in her. She remembers riding to school in this car, munching on toast in the backseat or downing a yogurt smoothie. Harry had put a little trash bag in the backseat for her because she was always eating in the car.
The car roars to life, and y/n turns on her seat warmer while Harry gets settled in. "Haven't been in this car in awhile." She says.
Harry hums. "You get to ride in the Queen Bee's carriage."
She knows he's trying to joke, but the underlying tone is obviously a little bitter. Y/n frowns, remembering when Jess turned 18 and Anne presented her with a brand new Toyota Camry. Harry was so mad that night he didn't talk to anyone for the rest of the night, and he didn't join them on their first drive around the block. He even refused to ride in it.
"M'not buying their groceries," y/n suddenly decides, "just mine. And I'm keeping my snacks in my room. If they want theirs, they can go get it."
She's not looking at Harry, but he still smiles his usual pursed lipped smile. "Good," he says with earnest, and her shoulders feel lighter.
~
It may be stupid for y/n to be so bothered by it, but she's unable to stop thinking about Jess abandoning their book club, and then not even remembering the book. It'd be one thing to ask for the book back and her read it on her own, but she hasn't even asked y/n for it. It's been weeks and Jess is always on her phone, doing homework in her room, or out with Tina. She can't help but think she's being stupid and dramatic, and while that adds to her annoyance, it also pushes her to do something she doesn't normally do.
"It's only a couple hours, and we'd really love it you'd come with."
She's sat in the campus cafe with Zoe, the two of them sharing a basket of fries and getting ahead on homework. The soccer team has an away game this weekend, travelling about 2 ½ hours east to play one of the school's biggest rivals. Harry had mentioned it quite a few times at book club, reminding her he might get behind this weekend but telling her to not slow down for him.
She thought it was just a team trip, until she met up with Zoe. Apparently the team reserved two buses, one for them and one for students to go cheer them on. Zoe has already reserved herself a seat for two, but the girl that was originally going with her had to back out last minute, leaving the seat open. And for some reason, she thinks y/n is the best filler.
"But wouldn't it be weird?" She murmurs, nibbling on a fry, "I mean, pretty much just the girlfriends are going and I'm just Harry's sister's best friend."
The mention of Jess makes her stomach twist, so she quickly pushes the thought away. Zoe rolls her eyes, smiling at y/n endearingly.
"You're so cute," she laughs, "it's obvious you and Harry are really close, and I know you're mad at Jess. Maybe you need to step away for a bit and clear your head."
"I guess that makes sense."
"And other's go too. Greg's best friend and sister is going." Zoe offers as reassurance.
"What if Jess is upset that I didn't invite her?"
Zoe shrugs, sighing. "You care too much about people who don't deserve it. If she asks, tell her I invited you because we're actually friends."
Maybe she wants to get back Jess or maybe it's the excitement of having another friend. Either way y/n doesn't put anymore thought into it before nodding. "Okay."
~
Harry checked over the clothes laid out on his bed, double checking that he's got everything he needs for his game. Cleats, socks, shinguards, compression shorts, shorts, jersey, extra deodorant, cologne.... everything.
He starts to nearly pack it in his bag, jumping when his bedroom door is suddenly thrown open, so much force behind it it smacks into the wall.
"What the fuck?" Harry asks, brow furrowing as Niall strolls into his room and sits at his desk.
"Talked to Zoe." He says, lips quirking up teasingly. Harry knows he's got something else to add, so he just nods.
"She found someone to be her seat buddy," Harry hums, not really listening as he continues to pack. "and that someone happens to be y/n."
His neck snaps up so harshly he's surprised a crack didn't resound throughout the room. "Y/n?" He asks, blushing when his voice cracks.
Niall smirks. "Your little peanut? Yeah. Guess they've been hanging out when we're at practice."
Harry swallows thickly, heart racing. He feels kinda stupid for being so flustered that y/n is going to his game. She's gone to all three of the past home games they've had, always wearing his shirt and carrying her sign for him. But she's going out of her way for him. She's willing to take a bus ride with a bunch of college kids for him. And she's making new friends! Friends that care about her, that encourage her to be a better person. Not friends that use her to make themselves look better.
"D-do you know what bus they're on?"
Niall shrugs, but his shit-eating grin let's Harry know that Niall knows exactly what bus they're going on. "Niall come on! Please"
He chuckles at Harry's urgency, folding his hands in his lap like as if conducting important business.
"Told Zoe I'd grab an extra seat on our bus for them." He says it nonchalantly, but Harry's heart flutters with interest. "Figured I could sit with my girl and you could sit with yours."
Niall calling y/n his girl definitely has him grinning, and his stomach erupts with giddiness, but he shakes his head. "She's not my girl," he says mournfully.
"Not yet, but she will be."
Harry huffs, falling dramatically onto his bed. Harry's been waiting his whole life (at least it feels like his whole life) for the opportunity to tell y/n how he feels. He had planned too when they were in high school, longing to spend his formative years with the girl he knows would've made them memorable, but he couldn't. Not with Jess and y/n so codependent on each other. Because Jess will definitely rip his head off if they end up together, and he couldn't do that in a time when they need each other.
"Ya think so?" He asks pathetically.
Niall's nod is firm and encouraging. "Of course. Everyone can see it, Zoe thought you lot we're already dating at the tailgate and that was before you gave her your shirt."
Harry perks up, head tilting like a hopeful puppy. "Really?"
"Yeah, just watching you too talk and look at each other is enough proof. There's something good there, and now's your chance to go for it."
Harry's eyes flicker over to the shelf of pictures. He finds the black Halloween frame right away, smiling at the photo. It was taken in middle school, the age when kids stop dressing up at school for Halloween, but somehow Jess, y/n, and him all did. Of course his and Jess' costumes were subtle; him being a professional soccer player and Jess bring Cher from Clueless. But y/n had shown up as Mr. Peanut, throwing away her hat and glasses when she'd been stared at. Harry had found her sulking outside, and immediately told her that he really liked peanuts, and from then on out, she was to be known as his peanut.
"What about my sister?" He mururms, lips falling in defeat when his eyes lock on her in the photo.
Niall sighs deeply, rising up from the chair and shrugging. "You know her best Harry. Would she be able to get over you dating her best friend?"
He's right. Harry does know Jess. He knows she's strong and confident and determined. And he also knows she's close-minded, selfish, and bratty. A weight settles in his stomach, and he wishes he could lie about Jess, but he can't.
"No," he whispers sadly, "no she wouldn't be okay with me dating her best friend. And she really wouldn't be okay with me being in love with her best friend either."
Best friend, his brain repeats. Some best friend she is. As if he'd been struck lightning, Harry bolts up from his bed, grabbing his jacket and throwing it over his head.
"What? What's wrong?" Niall asks worriedly.
Harry tugs his shoes on. "I've gotta find a way to tell y/n I love her."