Bright Burning

Onigiri

Letting my onigiri rest in my mouth while I drew a heart at the end of the quotations written by that scratchy black pen at the bar Friday night. I had debated within myself if a heart would go over well but she had done it, so there was little reasons for me not too. Putting the book down I chewed my lunch slowly and stared at my cursive letters conparered to her blocky kanji's. The bell rang interrupting my thoughts and I stuffed the rest of the food into my mouth so my students wouldn't see me eating during class.

I tried not looking overly excited as I made my way to the back of my classroom, my purple cardigan falling down my arms as I reached towards Akira's desk. Opening the top and rested the book above her textbook I closed it carefully. My nerves were getting the best of me so I kept my hands on her desk and wondered about what she would do when she saw it.

"Kon'nichiwa, sensei." Yeo said going straight to her desk and putting her bag on the ground.

"Good afternoon." Turning quickly I took off my glasses and smiled at her but she was paying so attention to me as she leaned over and started gathering her supplies. Clearing my throat I went over to the whiteboard and started erasing the words from my last class. There wasn't a moment in the day when I was dreaming of what could happen when Akira saw me after the day on the bridge.

In all honesty the girl probably never wanted to see me again, I was a figure in her life that she could trust and I took that valuable thing and twisted it to fit my wants. I couldn't let her see that book, she could think wrongly of me or even worse figure out that I cared about who she really was.

Putting my glasses on my messy desk I started walking to the back as briskly as possible but stopped seeing Akira get to her seat before me. I couldn't see anything in her eyes, she only sat down and raised an eyebrow my way. Figuring that was my only chance I dug my own fingernails into my palms. "Good Afternoon everyone." Turning on my heels I closed my eyes for a few seconds and then plastered a fake smile on my face as I went back to my board to finish what I was writing. "Did everyone enjoy their weekend?"

Controlling my breathes as best as I could while they answered I nodded. "Good." Tucking my hair behind my ear I got out my teachers version of their textbook. "We will be starting on chapter 10. I want everyone to read through the print quietly and then fill out the questions on the next page." I glanced up to watch Akira do just what I had been imagining in my head. The desk that was opened covered the lower half of her face but I could see her eyes stay still as she examined the surprise that was only meant for her.

Suddenly those brown eyes shot up to me with a questioning look. "If you are having trouble with any questions, we can look at the back of my book together. I have an answer key." I didn't bother looking away from her as all my other students began flipping to the chapter they were to work on. I wanted to see what she thought.

Akira seemed to get my hint as she closed her desk and brought the book out to examine. Her petite fingers flipped it over and opened the backside to reveal our own written words. I sat down slowly in my rolling chair and waited impatiently for some sort of reaction. In my day dreams her responses went from immediate feelings falling to the floor like a spilled mop bucket to ripping the book to shreds as a sign to leave her alone.

She sadly did none of those things. Her eyes scanned the quote for a few seconds before she closed it and put it back underneath her desk. Not a smile or raised eyebrow shot my way and I suddenly felt defeated. How was that worse than the thought of turning me down?

I couldn't look at her for the rest of the class. I felt like my heart broke every time her eyes didn't look back at Mine. More importantly I felt foolish for the second time in only a couple of weeks. Would I ever be capable of finding true love? Everett deceived me with another human while Akira ignored my existence, most people wouldn't even compare the two things yet I was deeply effected by the thought of my forbidden crush turning out to be nothing more. That's what I get for letting my heart be the middle man.

When I got home that night I couldn't even bring myself to have drinks with Amy and her successful friends, I only drug my depressed self to the konbini where I stood looking at the vast drink options. I didn't feel like having anything sweet but just the thought of water sounded boring and plain and that was too familiar in my life.

Grabbing a tea I had never tried before I opted for a boxed bento so I wouldn't have to take the time deciding what I wanted, the great thing about living in Japan is even if you don't care for the food you will always have a bed of rice that can feel you up nicely. Putting my items on the cabinet I started retrieving my money but was stopped when the old lady rang me up and didn't say a price.

"Lauren-san."

I furrowed my brows since I had never heard her talk to me before other than to give me my total. "Yes?" I say in her language. My questioning tone was enough for her to opt out of a conversation and just hand me a badly wrapped present made from torn paper bags.

I took it warily as she put my dinner into a bag for easier carrying. There was nothing written around it but I still studied it carefully as I took my belongings and went outside to be met with darkness other than the few streetlights of the store. I was so curious to what it might be that I didn't wait to be back home, I slid down the stores walls and sat on the warm cement as I tore the wrapping wildly.

The wrapping wasn't even completely off when I realized what it was, the book I was so scared to see again sat in my hands and it felt like an alien. Crumbling up the rest of the paper and putting it on the ground I stared at the bent front page with the crease down the middle and tried to prepare myself for what I was going to see. Laying my head back and closing my eyes I tried to be positive but after the day I had of complete banishment from excitement I was afraid.

Such a small girl shouldn't have so much power over my feelings but  when I built up the courage my entire mood lifted as I trailed my fingers down her freshly written words. Her ink was blue like last time but she wrote slightly smaller in her language to give us more room.

"Of course, a sign doesn't mean anything unless you know how to interpret it."

Was she telling me she understood? Did Akira understand the game I thought I was only playing? She had to if she went through so much effort to write those words exactly.

I had to read it again, See what I was missing in this scrambled puzzle we tried to complete with our own feelings as guides. Almost too roughly I opened the book to try and get to the beginning but was caught off guard as a page fell out and onto the floor. At first my heart dropped because I thought my carelessness had broken something bringing us together, but with further inspection I was happy to see it was of a different paper.

Picking it up I furrowed my brows at the blan page before turning it over and seeing a cute map drawn with only a pencil. The school was drawn resembling a rectangular box and on the other side a bridge with water flowing underneath and a tree covering the top was pictured with an X marking THATS where she wanted us to be. The only other thing given to me was a time.

"1500."

My best guess was she wanted to meet at 3:00 PM in the afternoon at the same spot that we found ourselves in before. The place where my brain had left the chat and my heart slid in to take the lead. That concerned me but I couldn't even worry about the negative outcomes because my lips were smiling like a druggie who just got a high. My once fowl mood was turned by the thought of seeing her brown eyes look towards me again so soon.

Digging through my pockets until I found a tiny pen I had bought to keep on hand just in case this was to happen again, I let my hand float under her words. I took a deep breathe to calm myself and started writing as slowly as possible.

"A mind troubled by doubt cannot focus on the course of victory."