tf2 x reader oneshots

meme reader x support class

It was a boring, dreary night in the RED base.  It felt as though your entire team was asleep...well almost. You were wired, hyped up on five cups of coffee you made using red bull as a substitute for water, yet no one was around to see you preform epic parkour outside around the base. Bored, you walked aimlessly through the corridors, fidgeting with just about anything you could touch. You stopped dead in your tracks right next to the heavy metal doors of the med-bay. The doors were slightly cracked open and you could hear the sounds of two men talking within along with the faint clanking of metal instruments. You decided to poke your head through. The room filled with a distinct laugh.

"Anyway, that is how I lost my medical license." Medic continued to chuckle to himself as he wiped off small instruments with his coat. He'd then proceed to lay the tools down on the table behind him, being careful with his arrangement of sharp devices. Now on your belly in an army crawl, you decided this was a golden opportunity to stealthily open the door and sneak your way through the dimly lit room.

"Doctor, I heard this one already," Heavy groggily reminded him. The Russian was half asleep lying on the operating table with his rib cage still open.

"Oh...Well I-" The doctor jumped back and let out a yelp when he turned around and was met with your face only inches away from his own. You tried to contain your laughter and a smug grin swept across your face as you started to speak.

"I sexually identify as graph paper. Ever since I was a child I dreamed of sorting over the grid drawing beautiful graphs on math homework. People say to me that a person being graph paper is impossible and I'm fu-" You were promptly shushed by the medic who now had his gloved finger pressed against your shut mouth. His other hand, still occupied by a bloodied scalpel, gripped your shoulder.

He sighed deeply, "(Y/N), have you lost your mind?" He paused for a second to let you reply, but you didn't. He continued "Or did I administer the wrong medications again?" He pulled his hands back and continued to wipe off the cutting tool as he tried to recall any mistakes made after the last battle. His gaze still pointed at you.

Silence flooded the room once more. Awkwardness ensued as neither of you broke eye contact. Still conforming to your surroundings, you thought out your next move while the doctor waited patiently for a hint as to what was wrong with you. You watched as his expression morphed from bewilderment to confusion and even to showing subtle signs of concern. None of them were as priceless as the face you saw him settle on when you resumed your rambling. It was the familiar face that you felt could only be described as one that read  'Are you kidding me (Y/N)?'

"I'm having a plastic surgeon tattoo rows, columns and 3 hole punches on my body. From now on I-"

"Alright, (Y/N). Off you go" The doctor must have heard enough when he slung you over his shoulder with ease and started to escort you back to your room. It made you squirm and try to wriggle your way out, but he did not falter. "As you can see, I am very busy and you are clearly tired and out of your goddamn mind." When he had reached your quarters, he set you down on your bed briskly walked out with a huff, leaving your door wide open. For a moment you sat there quietly processing before you heard him coming back.

"Gute Nacht!" he exclaimed a little grumpily before closing your door, hoping you got the hint through it was already clear to you. You rose to your feet and blankly stared at the walls as you pondered who your next target would be. Who else would be up right now? Spy... You quietly opened your door again making sure Medic wasn't just around the corner to put you in your place again. Thankfully the coast was clear and you were off to the spy's smoke room.

Once at the door, you inspected the seams around the door itself. Light appeared to leak onto the floor in front of it. He was in there and the fireplace must be on. Now it was time to plan your entrance and you had just the plan.

The door opened slowly. In the dark, it was unsettling, especially to the one who knew to always watch his back and to be prepared for stealthy fighters such as himself. His attention turned from the book he was reading and was locked on to the opening in the doorway. The hinges creaked loudly for the whole duration of your entrance. It made the masked man tense up in his seat and you got excited watching him freeze in place. The light from the fireplace slowly lit up your smug grin as it became unobstructed. The spy seemed to settle down a little as soon as he realized it was you, but it was still unnerving the way you didn't move a muscle.

Only when the doorway was cleared could he see your full form. Hands folded over one another across your abdomen. Your elbows jutted out sharply outside of your silhouette and your feet planted firmly in a wide stance. You stood tall and presented itself as a powerful force and an immovable object. Eyes were locked on spy who could only stare back in deep confusion.

The spy pulled his cigarette out of his mouth "Don't you know how to knock?" He tried escape the awkwardness by returning his attention back to what he was reading. It must have been hard because his eyes seemed to dart back and forth between you and his novel. After the 6th time, he froze and slowly looked up at the figure that was now looming right over him. It was you, A-posing, not even looking at him anymore. Instead your eyes lacked any aim and stared blankly off to the corner of the room where a bookshelf stood.

"Can I help you...(Y/N)?" he mumbled. Was he intimidated? Were you asserting your dominance? You contained your laughter and answered with silence. You were determined to not even flinch. He too was patient with you for a short while. He even tried his best to ignore you, but you were really starting to test him when you started humming the Halo theme song ever so quietly. It was after the seventh note, he finally rose from his chair, slamming his book closed with one hand. He groaned and you could have sworn you heard him murmur "Not this again," under his breath. He said nothing as he pushed you back towards the exit. To his satisfaction and surprise, you appeared to have just glided across the floor. That's right. Your heelies were on today.

"(Y/N) get some sleep." He looked down on you now that he was standing, leaving you with one last tired look before he slowly closed the door on you, not breaking eye contact until the door was in the way. You giggled as you started to make your way back to your room, that is until you heard the oven beep.

Peeking around the corner, you caught sniper pulling a pizza out of the oven quickly and shutting off the beeping sounds even quicker.  You seemed to have appeared out of nowhere.

"DANG THAT LOOK GOOD!" you loudly exclaimed. Sniper flinched and faced you.

"Shhh! Keep it down, mate. Don't want soldier to hear." You only smiled at him. He said down the pizza only to cross his arms and to look down at you. "Tell ya what, I'll share with ya if it stays between you and me." You nodded. After all, it was midnight and you've had nothing but coffee all day. He seemed to be pleased with your answer and your cooperation in avoiding soldier's wrath. Even smiling back at you and giving you a thumbs up. You made your way to the fridge for something to drink when he whispered at you again

"Oi mate get me a glass to will ya?" You obliged, carrying now two glasses of water back to the table, as well as a salt shaker. The ice clicked against the glasses as you set them down. You caught the sniper's attention when you chuckled, now salting the water. 

"Water. Ice. Salt. Aye!" you chanted excitedly, still keeping your volume low. When sniper finally turned around, you were doing the Macarena on top of the table to the rhythm of your own beat. Sniper only rolled his eyes at you, kind of chuckling himself as he continued finishing things up. "Bloody crazy woman." he muttered. Only minutes had passed before he realized you finally stopped. In fact, when he came out to give you a slice, you were asleep in the chair, face down on the table. "'Bout time they crashed"He thought to himself. Setting down the pizza as he hummed. He rose his glass of water to his mouth before pausing and setting it down again. Almost forgot about that. He waited until after he had eaten his midnight snack and then hauled your ass to bed.

"Maybe coffee ain't for you, (Y/N)"