tf2 x reader oneshots

Soldier x Reader

In hindsight, it should come to no surprise that your team's base would burn down from something that wasn't orchestrated by the enemy. What were you thinking would happen in a facility ruled by rowdy dudes who liked to drink and play with weapons?

"HIT THE DECK!"

You heard Demoman shout from behind. As he charged at you he snatched you up from the back of your shirt and he proceeded to charge through the hallways and towards the exit. The rest of the team could be heard shouting nearby in the same kind of frenzy. Most of the extra noise was caused by the one and only soldier whipping the man carrying you and ordering to "Mush, you damn cyclops!"

"What is happenin- oh shit!" you braced for impact when you saw demo prepare to charge straight through the door with his shield. The feeling of splinters in your hair and the sound of the hinges breaking made you wince, but you knew you made it when demo came to a halt.

He dropped you to land on your now shaky legs, proudly announcing, "We did it, lass!" and the rest of the team got out just in time to see your shocked expression. Soldier stood next to you and laughed, thanking your escort for breaking down the door.

The relief didn't last long though. You saw the rest of the team continuing to run. Engi looked back and yelled insisting the three of you left behind to "Get goin!" and yet you didn't even know why.

"What the fu-" *BOOM* (ha ha classic meme)

Your ears rang as you found yourself on your back and a little bit further from where you were just standing. Soldier stood over you and started yelling, "(Y/N) down! Medic! Med-"

You were already sitting up before the doctor could come over to reassure him with an annoyed voice, "They are fine, soldier." He groaned and started counting to make sure everyone had gotten out. With that, soldier helped you up onto your feet again, but he seemed a little disappointed he couldn't be more heroic for you.

"Yes, I'm fine. So does anyone mind telling me what just happened?" you interrogated. No one said a word, but three teammates decided to point fingers. The spy gestured at the scout who pointed at the pyro who... also pointed at scout. He didn't like how that turned out.

"What do ya mean? I didn't do nothin'!" he yelled.

Spy huffed, "That is if running around the base and alerting pyro of a supposed enemy spy as a joke was 'nothing'." Pyro seemed to agree with this statement and nodded his head in a sassy way.

Scout threw his hands in the air and retaliated, "Well geez, i ain't the one who ignited the bombs. Dat was on you, pal." The argument caused the entire team to complain and grumble obscenities, frustrated that what was basically their home was now falling apart and in flames. The moaning and groaning would continue for a while until the engineer raised his voice.

"Okay, listen up!" He was surprisingly positive and it got everyone's attention in a second. "I just got off the phone with pauling, she said we're all just gonna have to stay at the motel for a week or two. Alright?" And everyone let out a sigh of relief, and a few even cheered at the thought of essentially a vacation.

The ride there was exciting for everyone and everyone had already began choosing temporary roommates and it all started from soldier letting it be known to everyone on the bus, "I call (y/n) as my roommate!" to your surprise and to the disappointment of a few. (specifically scout. r.i.p) It almost made the accident a blessing in disguise.

On arrival, everyone was told to sit their asses down while the medic was the one to go n and make sure everything was situated. You would have thought nothing of it if he didn't look at you and soldier seated next to one another and laugh sinisterly. Oh no. He knows something... He gave you two your room key with the same insidious look too. Soldier paid no mind and snagged the room key and marched onward. Before you could follow, medic grabbed you by the shirt to lean in and in the most evil whisper, said "Have fun~".

Upon entry of yours and soldier's room, you were hit with another surprise that was there was only one bed. You were at loss for words. Soldier was already in his pajamas and on the bed requesting you to, "Come here, cupcake! That's an order!"

Well it was an order. Your face grew red as you walked over and sat beside him on the bed. You thought now was a good time to ask shyly, "Well... What do you want to do now?"

Soldier laughed deeply and pulled you closer to him. "We are going to watch American Dad," he proudly stated. He then grabbed the remote to the little tv in front of the bed and turned it on. Without needing to change the channel, American Dad was already on and just in time for the opening to start playing. "God bless," he mumbled to himself.

An hour had passed and it was late, but the show was pretty much still running. Yeah, it was Family Guy, but they're basically the same show. During commercials, soldier interacted with you by informing you the lore behind American Dad. Apparently there was a deep lore behind it? One interesting fact you learned is that soldier once did a speedrun on the American Dad intro...whatever that means... Eventually you got a little tired and inquired about changing the channel. "Hey, do you wanna see if (your favorite show here) is on?" Although you had just asked, you already picked up the remote and started flicking through channels...All of them were Family Guy. "umm...is this thing broken?" You clicked the guide button on the remote but you were struck with horror. Every channel was playing Family Guy. "Wait, it's all Family guy?"

"Always has been," that familiar ominous voice spoke and you sensed the presence of a revolver behind your head. Oh great. (get meme'd, reader)

"Damnit, Spy!" You and soldier both exclaimed in unison. Spy skipped out of the room laughing and snorting violently. He shut the door behind him and you could hear him laughing along with medic in the hallway. The laughter dispersed as they ended up going separate ways back to their rooms.

Meanwhile in the hotel room shared by heavy and medic, heavy puts down his book and asks "What is funny?"

The doctor puts his laughter on pause for a moment "The sound of Family Guy, mein dear friend." He says before breaking out in maniacal laughter again. Through the tears it produced he revealed "I told Spy to rig Soldier's and (Y/N)'s television to only play Family Guy and American Dad."

Heavy didn't exactly understand what was so funny about it, not being one to watch TV himself and also considering he would consider himself to be a "family guy", but he laughed along with his friend regardless.

The laughter of the two could be heard from the room you shared with the soldier and he yelled at them "Keep it down! Me and (Y/N) are watching Family Guy!"

"Those bastards," you spoke to yourself quietly.

"What's that (Y/N)?" Soldier looked at you with a friendly smile. He was really enjoying this and you didn't want to upset him.

"Nothing, they're just loud," you lied.

Another hour had passed and you tried to fall asleep but the Cleveland Show kept you up. The voices of the characters were just as annoying as the voices from Family Guy. Your roomie had no problem though. He had already fallen asleep with his arm resting behind you. When you tried to turn off the TV, you found that that was another thing that the spy must have rigged. As the night continued, you watched the repetitive shows and stewed. How could Medic tease you with the perfect night and then devilishly destroy it with Family Guy? You found yourself plotting your revenge...