tf2 x reader oneshots

A Night with Demoman

"Hey, you're finally awake." You slowly opened your eyes to bright flashing lights. Were you riding in a wagon beneath snow covered trees? No. Upon further adjustment, it was just the TV. Your friend was playing Skyrim again. "Walked right into that Imperial ambush, same as us, and that thief over there." And he was starting the game over again.

You sat up on the couch, stretched and looked at Demoman, who even after drinking far more than you, was still wired and gaming. Glancing at your watch before speaking up, you realized "Damn, it's 1:00am and you're still playing Skyrim?" Well maybe he wasn't all there. He must have not even noticed you were there for a moment because the question made him jump

"Oh! Yes! I thought i'd try a new build." He gestured to the TV. He was making his character the same way you remembered before you dozed off. He resumed the game undisturbed again leaving you to take in the dimly lit surroundings of his room. The floors were so much cleaner than you would have ever expected. Although you've worked with him for about a year now, it was really your first time spending time with him not on the field. But what else was there to do? It was a ceasefire day and you were bored and you knew if you were going to be lazy on a ceasefire day, you were going to do it with the expert of it. "Ya know, (Y/N) ye sure are more lightweight than i expected!" He laughed.

You elbowed him and pouted "Oh shut up!" and he laughed harder.

"Don't worry lass, you'll catch up if we keep hangin' out!"

"Kind of hard if i keep falling asleep trying to keep up with you,"

He shrugged "Fair enough," And switched his focus over to how light the bottle he held was. "Aye lad! I need another scrumpeh here!" Demoman called out from the couch. He tossed his empty bottle at the wall lazily and watched in delight as a roomba came in from the other room. The little robot scoots into the light bearing a full bottle of booze and delivers it to your already drunk friend. Taking the liquor, he gave the roomba a positive look. "Thanks lad!" You expected this bit from demoman, but nothing could prepare you for the little robots that crawled around his floor.

You watched the robot leave the room the same way it entered and slowly looked up at Demoman with a puzzled look, "Since when did you get a roomba?"

Demoman leaned back in the couch totally content, "What? That little lad? Engi gave them to me."

"Them?"

"Yes!"

"You mean there's more?"

"Aye!"

You reclined on the couch too,

not wanting to ask any more questions. "Wack." You watched the black and smokey loading screen of Skyrim. In the peaceful quiet of the unbearably long Skyrim loading screen, you both noticed a suspicious squeaking of the floor boards and you both knew what that meant

"Oh shit it's spy," you whispered

"SPY!" Demoman screamed. "ROOMBA! GO GET EM'!"

You suddenly hear the sound of a small vacuum activate in another room as it slowly emerges, but before you see the roomba, you see a longsword.The horrific sight of a longsword sliding out through the dark doorway was one you would not forget anytime soon. Beneath the blade was the roomba duct taped firmly to the sword. You and Demoman both watched absolutely mesmerized by the armed robot making its way into the next room. As the vacuum noises subsided, you both waited in anticipation that was satisfied by the sound of Spy losing his ankles and the sounds of his screams. The roomba then returns to its master awaiting its reward

Demoman brought his feet up on the couch and looked down at the bladed robot that was now slicing up the couch on accident. "Ayy, that-a-boy!" The praise must not have sufficed though, as the roomba was still waiting for something.

"Oh, you're hungry," Demoman snagged a nearby bag of chips and crushed a couple in his hand. You observed as the mercenary dropped all the crumbs on the floor in front of the robot's sensors. It wasn't really any surprise that the vacuum would pick it all up easily, but for some reason it was the most exciting thing both of you have seen all day. The way the robot just eats it up like a pet dog and then scoots away back to its resting spot.

"So, you have two roombas?"

"Nope, Guess again, lass."

"...Three?"

Demoman starts laughing again. He was amused watching your confused face, but the fun had to go on so he dropped another hint. He pressed a button on a remote and suddenly another vacuum could be heard, followed by music playing. Sea shanties?

Out of the doorway came yet another roomba, but this one had a boombox strapped onto it.

"♪Way hay and up she rises, Way hay and up she rises, Way hay and up she rises♫"

Demoman hops up on the coffee table and starts dancing while all of his roombas come out of hiding and parade around him, clumsily bumping into the furniture. There were at least 12 of them. Actually a handful of them had random swords from his collection strapped on their backs. One with a katana bumped into the couch you sat on rather forcefully, slicing a leg off and making a corner of the couch crash to the floor.

To be honest, that was the least shocking. Of all the roombas, one stood out as the most ridiculous.

"Really?!"

It was a roomba with a comically large dildo casually roaming the room. Demoman pauses his dancing to address your concerns. He's sweating.

"Oh u-uh that was a gift..."

"Uhh huh..."

"I guess not anymore though."

He picked up the now panicky beeping robot and tossed it into the neighboring room and closed the door. The unexpected girly shriek from spy was next to be heard and would continue until the roomba had run out of battery. You were left absolutely speechless at the idea of why he was so scared.

"I think I had too much. Time for me to go to bed." You said as you rose from the couch. On your way to the door you squinted at the ground being very careful to not step in the path of one of demoman's many vacuum pets.

"Okay, Lass! Sleep tight! See you next weekend!"