I'm tired of black men...but then again I'm not

Day 8 ... I choose you ❤️

None of your concern by Jhené Aiko plays through my radio as I lay on my floor, taking in the song while meditating. My eyes are closed, and the candles that I lit are the only things illuminating my room.

I needed this meditation after the crazy-ass week I had. How did I lose two men that I never really had to begin with, in two days?

That shit is mind-boggling to me.

Still single and lonely as fuck! LOL, the irony.

Montí was so infuriated with me that night; we quarreled until I couldn't bicker back and forth with him any longer and purchased an Uber to go home.

His damn ego is too damn big for the both of us. He couldn't let it go, that another man has been enjoying what he could've had years ago, but he rather play with his food, instead of eating it, while the plate was still in front of him; which most men do.

They don't realize how great their plaything is; until someone else wants to play with it.

"I love you Shay," he said, opening the door right before the Uber driver was getting ready to drive off.

"You don't get to say those words, not tonight. I've waited so long for you to say those words and you don't get to say them out of jealousy," I yelled after shutting the door and asking the driver to please drive off.

Montí yelled and hit the window as the driver sped off, and I couldn't control the tears that vigorously poured from my eyes.

He had three years to get his shit together, but he took me for granted. He just assumed he had all the time in the world and I will always be there, well, until I wasn't. Even though I was never his and we never made anything official, I always knew we would eventually work things out so that we could be together exclusively.

Well, that's until this white man shows up in my life and rattles things up, giving me a glance into a life I was waiting for from a black guy that could never give it to me, which confused me more ways than one.

I didn't want to admit that he was the better man because I never wanted to put any man above a black man. I didn't think he belonged there. But within five days, Justin fought for me more than Montí did in the three years of knowing him. And I didn't want to admit it until now.

I grab my phone from my nightstand. I know what I need to do now. I scroll through my call list to look for Justin's number. Wednesday night was the last time Justin tried contacting me after I left him standing alone. Laura said he came by The Vig looking for me on Thursday, but I took off because I was mentally drained after Wednesday's nonsense. I couldn't get myself together to make it in there. After explaining everything that occurred, Laura suggested I take Thursday and today off, and I'm so appreciative.

"Shay?" his deep voice shoots through my phone, immediately driving my hormones erratic.

I didn't realize how much I missed it.

"Hey," I say shyly.

"I was just getting ready to call you. I've missed you so much, babe!" I can see his smile spreading across his face through the phone, and I instantly start smiling, visualizing his dimple.

"I missed you too and I'm so sorry. I want to give this a try. I have to admit, I don't know shit about how this is going to work, but I, at least want to try. I know it's going to be hard, but I'm willing to take that risk if that means I can possibly be happy... with you," I can't believe my words, but Justin is just as startled as me for my impulsive behavior.

"Wha-at... are you sure? There's no obligation. We can take things slow and just date." I laugh because I can hear the excitement and nervousness, all at once, in his voice, but I can't help that I'm enduring the same sensations.

This man has crept his way into my life and my heart, with only knowing me for five days. How the fuck did he do it? I know-how; It was with compassion, patience, and fighting for what he wanted from the first time he laid eyes on it.

He did whatever it took to get me from the start. All the things I wanted from the black men I dated, especially Montí. A tear falls from my eye because it pains me that I have to let someone go, which I've loved for so long, but he couldn't realize my worth until someone else found me worthy.

"Slow is good," I respond.

"Good," he slightly chuckles with a sigh of relief.

Nervously I continue, "umm... I have the day off if you would like to hang out or something." I sit up on the floor, turning my music down a bit to hear his response.

"Today is perfect Shay, I have a few meetings this morning but we can do something later tonight. I actually had a date planned for us, which is why I was going to call you until you called me," He admits, and my stomach starts doing backflips, which it has been doing a lot lately since Justin has entered into my life.

"Sure, what time should I be ready?" Anticipation pours through my words.

"Send me your address and I will have my driver come get you at seven."

"Driver?... Justin is that necessary?" I inquire.

"Yes my driver, and for you queen, it is necessary. You need to be treated like the queen you are. Oh, and if you think that's something... wait until our date".

Did he just call me queen?

For some reason, it sounds good rolling off those pretty pink lips of his. Foreign but good.

He never fails to amaze me, and I'm so excited to see what he has planned for us. Oh God, I'm falling for this man.

"I'll be ready," not being able to control my smile.

"I can't wait to see you, baby. I miss those soft-ass lips of yours and can't wait to kiss them," he says, sending kisses through the phone, and I send one back in return.

"Bye, see you in a few," I say before ending the call.

I'm going on a date with Justin. Our third date, I think, but who cares? I am so ecstatic!

I search through my closet, looking for the perfect outfit for the perfect guy! I wonder what he has planned for the two of us, but whatever it is, I will look the part.

He said he had it planned before I even called him. See, what I mean, he is so thoughtful and always a step ahead, and I adore that about him.

Justin, you are slowly winning my heart over. ❤️

🎶 song for this chapter: Get you the moon by Kina (Feat. Snow) 🎶

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