The Boy and his Beast

3. Like lovebirds

(Benjamin's POV)

"I w-won't run, just please don't..." I start but trail off. He's my mate; why would he hurt me? He wouldn't, but I'm so fucked up I don't believe that. Just remembering how he chased me down the museum makes me shiver. 

My mouth goes dry again and my hands tremble uncontrollably.

With a pair of bright brown eyes he looks at me like I'm absolutely mad. I might be because against my better judgment I reach out my hand to touch him. The urge is so strong it's a need. 

We are both surprised by the action. My hand tingles as it touches his head. It feels like absolute bliss. Immediately the fear returns. Why does it feel good? I should feel like shit touching another man. Something is wrong!

I snap my hand back and his smile disappears. Oh, no; I've angered him. 

I read his expression carefully but he's quiet and just study me with those brown eyes. Like warm honey. He's beautiful; a real man. I can see how strong he is through the jacket and even though he's hunched now I know he's tall.

"I won't hurt you, you little shit" he says with irritation in his voice. "Making me chase after you like this. People must've thought I was crazy" he murmurs and turns his eyes away. I instinctively see a chance to escape but he's too close; I wouldn't get far.

"I'm sorry. I just..." I start apologizing but again I don't know what to say. I don't want to anger him. He's probably extremely possessive and turned on right now. If I'm not careful he might take me right here in the park.

My eyes cautiously search his face but he just looks irritated. It probably hurt his pride when I ran away. I have to be careful. The wind picks up and I realize that his smell has taken over completely. I can't think of anything else, just of how close he is. He stares at me with lust filled eyes and I have to stop myself from touching him again.

"Damn it. I really want to bite you. It's itching in my teeth" he grunts and gets up to pace in front of me. "Can I?" he asks suddenly but immediately shakes his head. "Bad idea. What is happening to me?" he continues muttering.

As quietly as I can I rise to walk away but before I can take one step, he's right in front of me breathing against my forehead. I bow my head in subordinance and make myself as small as I can.

"Don't run away again or I won't be able to hold back" he growls, his inner wolf clearly getting the better of him. I shiver and he tsks, irritated.

"Name" he demands without stepping away. I want to lie, to say I'm not gay and already engaged to a sweet girl but he knows what I am. We are mates. I am his.

"B-benjamin..." I say, ashamed of how my voice trembles. He's so close and I feel the urge to push myself against his body. It takes all I have to resist. He hums pleased at my name and I hear him sniff me. Fear flashes through me like a lightning bolt.

He has me pushed against the kitchen wall. The food I was making is on the floor where he tossed it. He sniffs my hair and pushes his big body against mine.

"You want me to eat this shit?! Fucking slut. I bet you make it taste bad cuz you know I'll punish you" he says and licks my ear. I quiver and tears trickle down my cheeks.

"I swear I did my best! I'll do it again! Better! I promise!" I beg through my tears but he just smells me and lets his hands feel me up. I panic as his hand reaches my inner thigh, but he slams my head against the wall and holds my hands above my head as he pushes two fingers into my little hole.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he asks and I'm pulled back to the present. Tears trickle down my cheeks and I quickly wipe them away with my hands. I don't know how long I've been making him wait. My face feels cold as the wind sweeps across the park and my face.

"Everything. You don't want me; I promise. Let me go" I say but instead of sounding demanding my voice just sounds sad. He finally takes a step back and his posture relaxes.

"I asked you what's wrong" he says again but he's not angry just annoyed. His face is almost kind. I blink the last of the tears away, surprised by his patience.

"I'm..." I start, not sure how to tell him that I am incapable of loving. I squeeze my eyes shut. "I can't be with you" I say but realize it sound vague and stupid. He actually scoffs.

"Yeah, Benjamin... I know I'm not exactly the cute girl you hoped for but how are you planning to work against faith? Have you ever seen two bonded mates? It's a horrifyingly strong bond" he says and looks at me with questioning eyes. My name from his lips makes me all warm inside but at the same time he's so tall I feel like a helpless mouse. 

I want to be strong.

"I can't love you, because I'm... scared of men..." I murmur and hope he doesn't catch it but of course he does. I have his full attention. All he wants to do right now is fuck me, or so I guess because that's how I feel. 

But I'm conflicted. My fear keeps me in check and it's a good motivator. The only thing stopping him is his willpower and I don't have any faith in that.

Of course he looks really surprised at that. I sound like a crazy person. I am crazy. I am broken. I am a piece of shit that doesn't deserve to live.

"Why?" The question is so simple but the answer is scattered in the darkest places of my mind and I don't know how to explain it. His voice isn't demanding but I know I won't be able to disobey him if he really wants to know and I don't think he will let me go without knowing.

At the same time I realize that he kind of deserves to know. I'm his mate. I'm the one who's supposed to love him but I can't. I know the feeling. 

He looks hot and bothered. 

This is hard.

"When I was little... a man... beat me up... After that I've always... been scared" I say. It's not a complete lie. I was little, there was a man and some more men, and they did beat me up before they-

"Beat you up?" he asks like he doesn't understand anything at all. I look at the scars on his face and hands, they have healed nicely but I can tell he's been beaten up a lot. Of course he doesn't understand why that would make me scared. He's probably never been scared.

"I can't explain it. You don't get what it's like to be weak. I can't trust you. I can't trust any men" I say and earn a doubting look. He raises a dark eyebrow.

"I'm sorry. I know we're supposed to be together but I can't. Not ever..." I trail off because even though he's staring at me I don't think he's listening. Fear cripples me as I see that he's losing control.

"God, I can barely listen to you without losing it. All I want is for you to say my name" he mutters and dig his hands into the brown hair on his head.

"What's your name?" I ask. The needy part of me is desperate to know.

"Kellan." It's a good name.

"Kell..." I whisper before I can stop myself and his eyes snap back to me. This time yellow as the sun.

"Oh, god." He's in front of me in a split second and his hand is covering my mouth. I feel his warm breath on the side of my neck as he leans closer and whisper. "Don't say another word. I want to bite you so fucking bad."

I stand perfectly still and don't make a sound while he tries to gather himself. All I can think of is the fact that his teeth are inches from my neck. But I don't know if I'm scared or excited.