The Boy and his Beast

16. Like in the fairy tales

(Ben's POV)

When I wake up again Kellan has dressed and is lying next to me in jeans and a plain t-shirt. His chestnut brown hair is messy from sleep and the honey colored eyes are smooth with calm. He's painfully beautiful while I feel like a I've walked through the desert. His thick arms twitch as his fingers tap rapidly on his phone. Just looking at him makes me think of what happened before we fell asleep. The blush burns under my skin. 

I can't believe he did that. I can't believe I did that! 

He's so calm it's almost vexing. I want him to be nervous and impatient and just as unsure of himself as I am. But he's not. Of course not. He was not the one crying like a child and moaning like a prostitute. 

What am I, really? He can't possibly think I deserve him after this. 

I just know in my heart that he's going to leave me. The painful realization makes me draw a sudden breath. His eyes find mine and the galaxies of affection in their depths pierce my aching chest, filling it with astonishment instead of hurt. 

"Are you OK? Do you want some water? Painkillers?" he asks dropping his phone and reaching for me. I just look at him, at his hand waiting for permission to touch me. I want it to. 

Slowly, as if for the first time, I lift my hand to place it in his. His palm is tanned and calloused against my corpselike skin. Ugly bruises mark my wrists in perfect bracelets, from when Ross tied my arms. It hurts with a hot soreness and I see how Kellan's eyes stick to the purple marks as I take his hand. 

For a second I just relish in the feeling of holding hands. It's a first. A first I never thought I would have. 

Kellan is thinking. I can tell. His brow is furrowed and the brown eyes search my body. He's looking for more injuries. I don't want him to see where they punched me so I withdraw my arm and pull the sheet up to cover my chest. 

"Water, please... and some clothes" I mumble and rub the sleep out of my eyes with my other hand. The sun is deep so I'm guessing it's afternoon already. Ron. I have to call Ron... 

Kell returns to hand me a tall glass and watch me gulp it down like a good boy. He's quiet and still thinking, still watching. I need to change that. 

"I'm cold" I say. He gives me a concerned look before getting up to rummage the dresser. I take another gulp of water as I think. What do I do now? 

A pair of sweats and a t-shirt lands on the bed at my feet. 

"Do you want to wear my underwear too?" he asks, holding a pair in his hands. I nod and grab them as he puts them on the bed. He's still watching. 

"Could you..." I ask, shy and embarrassed about how I look, all the scars and weakness visible in the harsh day light. His brow furrows but he leaves the room. My breathing slows down a bit and I dress in a hurry. My ribs hurt as I move and the bruising looks bad but I don't think anything is broken. The side of my face hurts too; it feels swollen against my hand. Like a worn-out toy. Like a piece of trash. 

My backpack is leaned against one of the walls and I ransack it. Of course my phone has slid to the bottom of the bag but I finally wrap my bruised fingers around it. Ron's number is one of the few I have in there and I dial it while peeking through the crack Kell left. He's not in vision and I hear something rumbling about so I sneak into the bathroom. 

"Yes, this is Ronald Qualls" he answers after an eternity. I breath with relief and whisper as loudly as I can without getting heard by Kell. 

"It's Benjamin" I say. "I'm sorry I've missed my shifts. The reason I haven't called until now is..." I met my warewolf mate... and I let him bite me... and we... did that thing... two times... and I got kidnapped by my old pack... and then I killed someone... and then... "I was really sick. I've been throwing up since yesterday and I know I should have called but I was just too weak. I'm sorry Ron. I will be back... on Monday; if you'll still have me" I beg and stand there, leaned against the counter, fingers crossed and eyes closed, hoping for forgiveness for everything that my wareblood has cursed me with.