How to choose the one

Kick myself later

Have you ever had one of those moments where you are positive that you are about to make a mistake? You know things can't possibly end well, you can see all the warning signs, but despite all that; you can't stop yourself. Or maybe you just don't want to stop yourself?

This is what today is for me. It's like there is a war between my hormones and my brain. And my hormones are kicking my brains ass, which doesn't even make sense, I know, but there it is. This nonsensical bullshit that has turned me into a girly idiot.

That is how messed up my mind is today. I can't make heads or tails of anything. There is a jumble of warnings and missing information in my head that should be lifting up virtual red flags for me but I feel as if, even if one of those figurative flags could jump out of my ear and whack me on the head, I would still be going to meet with Bayne regardless. Sporting a red flag induced bump and a goofy smile.

What is it with this guy? He is good looking. Yes. That is for sure. But so are loads of guys. No. It's not the looks that has me second guessing everything. It's something else. It's the zazazoo that Carrie Bradshaw described. The force between two people known as chemistry. It's actually a thing. A scary thing.
That invisible but inevitable force is the reason I am doomed not to follow any of my own instincts or good advice and just ignore the fact that something is up with him? Why?

Because I'm a sucker. That's why.

Deep down, I know I don't have a shot in hell of ignoring the gravitational pull I have towards this guy. Whether I want to admit it or not.

Crap. I give myself the once over in the mirror and decide again that the high waisted black shorts and white tank with a colourful open kimono over the top is perfect for my doomed evening and grab my bag and head out. No heels for me, just black sandals, in case i need to run away later after proving my subconscious right and having a horrible evening.

As I take my key out of the lock and turn to leave I run smack into Lexi and stumble backwards, more in shame than shock. I was hoping I wouldn't have to see her, or tell her where I'm going.

The huge welcoming smile she wears makes me feel guilty for thinking like that.

"Hey Ellis, was just coming to see you, do you want to come to the dining hall for dinner?" She asks, subtly looking me up and down, a small frown forming on her face.

"Oh, thanks for the invite Lex, but I'm actually heading out to meet someone." I say and try to leave without another word, but she is no fool. She has my number and it's up. I feel my face start to heat up as she stares at me blankly. She already knows the answer but she asks the question anyway.

"Oh, who?" Her foot taps and I see a hint of a smile at the corner of her mouth. She knows. She definitely knows.

"Uh, Bayne." I say casually, almost missing the look that immediately befalls her face. Disappointment? No. Concern maybe? Before I have time to think about it,she grasps my hand and pulls me close to her face, so that only I can hear her voice.

"Ellis, I'm not going to tell you who you should or shouldn't spend time with. It's not my business. But just let me say that Bayne, is not worth your time. You are a nice girl. And he.... Isn't a good person." She says with only concern on her face. Not a hint of malice, which makes me feel she is being sincere. I keep expecting her to laugh and say this is a joke but she doesn't. She is completely serious, if not, a little perplexed.

"Lex, can I ask you something?" I start, I need to know the answer to this question, even if I don't want to ask it.

"Why don't you like him?" I say it bluntly, but I need to know. I follow her as she sighs and nods at me to follow her towards the lift.