The Decade of Deep Love (English Version BL novel)

C81. Little by Little, He Became Cold...

Two days of staying up and this empty house drained the last bit of vitality away from Wenxu Jiang. But he knew very clearly that he couldn't fall, at least not now.

Wenxu Jiang regretted leaving so resolutely, or he could have at least had someone keep an eye on the whole thing here.

Since Zhishu He was gone, the most common feeling Wenxu Jiang would get was helplessness and pain. He recalled more than once the hug Zhishu He gave him when he left. Wenxu Jiang often imagined that if he hadn't left that day, if he kept Zhishu He around, would everything be different by now?

No one could give him an answer.

If someone was willing to tell him, they would ask him this fourteen years ago, "Will you make Zhishu He happy if he goes with you?" They would ask him this four years ago, "Don't you feel guilty to Zhishu He's true love while you are having fun out there?" "Do you have a heart of stone? How can you be so cruel to someone that you are supposed to cherish the most?"

If only someone warned him once, Wenxu Jiang wouldn't make one mistake after another.

Wenxu Jiang was nearly beaten down by guilt and fear. He didn't even know what to do or what he could do next.

In days, he and Assistant Song tried every way to find their whereabouts; in nights, Wenxu Jiang slept in the car, guarding this tea garden where Zhishu He once lived.

Day four, there was finally a turnaround. Someone showed up when Wenxu Jiang was on the verge of a breakdown.

It was Ziyu Ai. He alone. He wore a black long coat with a small luggage bag in his hand. After half a month, he'd considerably lost weight. He was so emaciated that Wenxu Jiang couldn't recognize him.

Ziyu Ai came back in the morning. He took a cab back when Wenxu Jiang was still there. Wenxu Jiang didn't think twice. He pushed open the car door hastily and stumbled at him.

"Ziyu Ai! Ziyu Ai, where is Zhishu? Where is Zhishu He? Which hospital is he at? Huh? Speak! You are back so who is taking care of him now? Speak!" Wenxu Jiang wasn't in any better state than Ziyu Ai was. He just shot out random questions, his bloodshot eyes looked scary.

Ziyu Ai seemed to just realize Wenxu Jiang's existence. His eyes swept over him emotionlessly. He didn't have the feeling of hatred or resentment towards him; it was a kind of emotion stagnancy due to the extreme grief.

Ziyu Ai took a grab in the air; he repeated Wenxu Jiang's words to himself, "Where... where is Zhishu?"

Ziyu Ai's voice was quiet, every sound of him seemed to come out of his mouth with the blood from his torn vocal cord. "He's gone... in my arms. Little by little, little by little, he became cold..."

Followed by infinite silence. For a moment, Wenxu Jiang thought he was deafened; he seemed to hear nothing. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. The whole world was mute only the sound of breezing winds that blew away all the colors in his eyes.

As if someone hit the play button to a paused video, Wenxu Jiang suddenly rushed over and clutched Ziyu Ai's collar. His eyes were red as a crazy animal. Wenxu Jiang made voices that weren't even like human voices. His tongue bled as his shuddering teeth were biting it. Every word was spit out with blood and pain, "You are lying to me! It's a lie! Impossible!"

"You said he was fine... Didn't you say that you could take care of him? You are lying, aren't you? You've hidden him away, right? Please... Don't shock me... please," Unexpectedly, Wenxu Jiang knelt next to Ziyu Ai, "Say you are lying and you won't see me ever again! Say it!"

Ziyu Ai pulled Wenxu Jiang from the ground and punched him hard. "Is it fun to lie to yourself? Zhishu He is gone... He... He's gone..." Ziyu Ai let go of Wenxu Jiang lifelessly. He looked down and saw fluids come out of his eyes. He could hardly control his emotions.