Roman

eight

Here's a real long one for you guys. Things are starting to get rolling. Hopefully the next bunch of chapters with be more entertaining because I know it can be harder to get into the less romancy stuff sometimes, so bear with me because I want to get to it too. Hope you like it, let me know what you think!

"How has school been?" Roman asks casually as we walk through the history of the city. I walk ever so slightly behind him, my eyes trained on his back, trying to read him.

"Good," I reply softly.

"No."

His words catch me off guard and I falter slightly. "What?"

"I actually want to know, and I want to talk to you like we used to, so you can tell me. Tell me about your favorite class, your new friends, about the guy you like, tell me about your life kid." He turns back to look me and gives me a soft smile before slowing down just enough that he can walk next to me instead of in front of me. I look down at the ground as my face starts to feel hot.

"Well my favorite class is Human Anatomy, I've made a few new friends but honestly, no one could ever replace your sister. I mean I also am really shy and I don't open up so it's not exactly easy to make a ton of friends. And there is nothing on the guy front, but that's nothing new. I miss it here, well not here here but you know what I mean. I didn't think I would have any problem starting fresh somewhere else where I didn't have to worry about people treating me different because of my past and everything." I look up at him, not knowing what else he wants me to say, and I find him watching me. His gaze captures mine.

"I'll always be here for you too kid. Just, I don't know, remember that." He looks away from me and down the street. If I weren't watching him so closely, I wouldn't have caught the way his ears reddened ever so slightly. We end up making our way towards the Cathedral, but Roman seems to get more and more agitated the closer we get. "I really didn't do anything. I promise. I'm not that guy, I would never do anything to hurt her," he sighs.

"Hey, Roman, I know. Trust me I know," I try to reassure him. Hesitantly, I gently reach up to rub his shoulder. "You don't have to justify yourself to me. And we can go somewhere else if you want. No one expects you to go after her right now, just cool down for a while, okay?"

"I just want to go to the riverfront. That's why we're going this way. She most definitely doesn't want to see me right now, so I'll respect that."

He picks up his pace just a touch and I have to work a little harder to keep up with his long legs but I still end up falling behind him again. Suddenly, the crowd starts closing in on us as we get closer to the Cathedral. I try desperately to keep up with him but I start to lose him in the crowd. Just before I lose him entirely, I shoot a hand out and grab onto the back of his t-shirt. His broad, steady paces falter, slowing down considerably, and I almost collide with his solid back. I look up to see him watching me over his shoulder with a look of surprise and something...something else.

"Sadie?" he looks down at me.

My breath catches, he rarely calls me Sadie. He always just calls me kid. It shouldn't get to me as much as it does. It's my name for fucks sake. "What?" I level my voice as much as I can.

"N-nothing. Sorry," he mutters before turning back around, but my hand stays curled around the bottom of his shirt.

We walk the rest of the way to the riverfront in silence; I keep my hand in his shirt until the crowd clears enough for me to walk next to him again.

When we reach the dock, he plops down with a sigh and looks up at me expectantly. "Come here kid."

My heart stutters at the look he gives me and I try to sit down as casually as I can while my hands and legs and my whole freaking body are shaking. I have only been alone with him like this a few times, and something about Naomi not being there freaks me out; she reminds me that I can never have him.

"She broke up with me."

I'm not sure what to say, so I don't.

"She broke up with me but I know it's my fault. I didn't love her like I should have. But I can't find it in me to actually love her. God, I hate myself for saying that. I loved her once. I loved her with my whole heart, I even thought about buying her a ring. But then, somewhere along the way, I fell out of love with her. And I regret that, but it's not like I could do anything about it. It hurts me almost as much as it hurts her because all I want to do is love her. She is all I want, but I can't find it in me to want her anymore. Fuck kid, what is wrong with me?" He sighs again, but this time I can hear how this inner conflict has been tearing him apart.

"I-I just don't know what to say, but first off, I don't think there is anything wrong with you. If you don't love her why have you been stringing her along all this time? But please just tell me you didn't cheat on her."

"No, no. I wouldn't cheat on her, but I don't know, I just realized that she's not the one I see myself with, not the one I want to have a family with. I just don't know when I happened. I don't know what changed. I wish I did. I really do." He looks over at me, looking utterly broken. "I just thought I could get those feelings back, that maybe it was just the distance. But no matter how long I'm with her, nothing changes."

"I think it's just your head telling you it's time to move on. I mean you were young when you started dating and you've both changed so much and I just think that some relationships can't handle the change. And I mean you live on the other side of the country, that's not easy no matter what. Maybe this is what's best for both of you right now."

I look up at him and just seeing him so broken, I can't help but to lean over to hug him. He freezes. Awe shit, I shouldn't have done that. I start to pull away from Roman, an apology on my lips, but his arms wind themselves around me, dragging me back into his chest. Now it's my turn to freeze. I'm not sure what to do with my arms, do I keep them awkwardly halfway between us, do I drop them...do I hold him back?

He cuts off my overthinking by grumbling into my ear, "just put your arms around me Sadie."

A chill shoots through my body at his gruff voice in my ear and I follow his command. I slide my arms around his muscled torso. I try not to focus on the feel of his muscles as he breathes under my fingertips. He lets out a sigh and relaxes into my hold, his forehead coming to rest on my shoulder. Our knees are now touching as he leans over my legs to hold my body. His warm, large hands slowly splay out across my back, warming me under the slowly setting November sun. My own hands gently move from his sides to his back, shaking ever so slightly. At each of our breaths, our chests are pushed closer together, my feminine one meeting his masculine one.

"Damn Sadie, I can feel your heart racing. It's not like I'm going to hurt you," his voice rumbles in my ear.

What he doesn't know is that I was not at all worried about him hurting me. Quite the opposite actually. The man I have been dreaming about for years is currently holding me and fucking rumbling in my ear, so you can't really expect me to be calm.

"S—sorry," I stutter, still not able to control my girlish reactions to him.

He pulls away so that he can look me in the eye, but leaves his arms around my frame. "Sadie..." he trails off. He looks into my very soul with his deep brown eyes and my heart aches. But everything freezes when his eyes fall to my lips. He wants to kiss me. I have wanted this for years, and now I will finally be able to kiss him. On of his hands disappears from my back and finds its way to my check, the calloused skin meeting my soft flesh. My breath catches and he tightens his hold on my side with his other hand.

And then my stupid stupid brain starts working again. Just in time to ruin the moment.

He just got dumped by a girl he has been dating for years, a girl that he wanted to marry at one point. There is no way he actually wants to kiss you; he's just hurt and confused. And even if he does want to kiss you, it will just cause a world of hurt because you can never be with him anyways.

When his eyes flick back up to mine, he can see my hesitation. "Sadie, I—um, I'm sorry I just—" he starts, for once not finding words.

"I—I should go," I spring up from out of his hold and take off for the cathedral, where I hope to find Naomi. I run away from the man I love, the tears welling in my eyes the only lingering effects of his sudden affection.

"Kid come back, I'm sorry."