The Broken Daylily

CHAPTER TEN: A walk through the garden

Iris, Madilyn's lady's maid, was tying the lady's stays when she said: "the master enjoyed your music."

"My music?" Madilyn asked confused.

"The songs you played on the piano yesterday," Iris explained. "The butler said how the master had mentioned you are very talented."

"Oh," she reacted surprised. She had truly not meant to play the instrument. But when she passed the door to the music room yesterday, she told herself that having a look inside would not hurt. Yet once she saw the piano, she could no longer control herself. And when she was seated behind it, all hope was lost.

Before she knew, she had played two songs. Both were songs she would usually not play for they were too unhappy, but they seemed to be the anthem of her life now.

She had not thought lord Thomas would enjoy music. But if he had a music room, it should not have been a surprise. Yet he had never played. But why? Was he too afraid he might see her if he did? Was he holding back, just like she was, because music attracts attention?

"I am told lord Thomas is a music lover," Iris said. "Just like you, I assume."

She nodded her head. "I have been playing the piano since I was young."

"And it shows," Iris said while smiling at Madilyn. She took the crinoline and lifted it over Madilyn's head, then tied it at her waist. "Mayhap you could play for us again?"

"No," Madilyn answered while shaking her head. "I... I should not."

"Why not? I am certain everyone would enjoy some life in this house." Iris walked to the chair and took the first petticoat. Just like the crinoline, she lifted it over Madilyn's head and tied it at the waist.

Madilyn cleverly ignored Iris' question and said: "it is rather silent here, is it not?"

"I believe it is quite dire," Iris answered while taking the second petticoat and putting it on Madilyn. "But mayhap that is because I am used to much noise. I have many siblings."

Madilyn merely nodded. Iris took the skirt and lifted it over Madilyn's head. While tying it, she asked: "do you have a big family?"

She shook her head and silently said: "I have no family anymore."

Iris did not seem to know how to react to it, so she just remained silent and took the bodice of her white gown. She did not meet Madilyn's eyes while she was closing it, not even when she said she was finished. She walked to the door and opened it, but before she left, she said: "You are married, my lady. You have a new family now."

-----------------------------------------------------------

Like most days, Madilyn walked through the garden. She was not used to the silence inside the house, but when she was outside, she enjoyed it. It gave her a feeling of peace, a moment to be with her own thoughts.

That was not always good, for sometimes her thoughts were quite destructive. But on other moments, it was nice to understand her own feelings. She would think of one thing at the time, and hope that it would bring her happiness.

There were a few topics she avoided, such as her husband, her parents, her sister and her future. The last one was a thought she truly feared. It was an empty canvas, for she truly did not know what her future would bring. She did not even know what tomorrow would bring.

She hoped she would love her child. She believed she would, but how was she to know? She had never had a child before, and if she had to look at herself as an example, it did not please her. Her parents had not been very kind. Sometimes she felt like her parents only wanted children to show that they could. Her father had wanted a son, she was certain of that. But her mother had never given him one. He had to live with his wife and three daughters.

Though she believed lord Edgar loved all three of them, she knew he did not really show it. He had a strict education they all had to follow. Madilyn did not know the world any different from what her parents had told her. So when she went to her first ball and she saw people like the Bromptons, she could not understand them. They did whatever they wanted, not minding if they broke the rules of the ton.

She would look at them with an open mouth. How could they do such things?! Why did their parents allow it?!

But when she saw they were having fun in their own way, she did not look up surprised anymore. Was it not good that they were happy? Was that not the most important thing in life? Certainly she would never live that way, but if they were not bothered by the stares, than why would she stare?

So every time she saw someone breaking the rules of the ton, she rolled her eyes and thought to herself I will never be like that. And she never has been. She has never broken any rule of the ton.

Expect for their most important one: no consummation before the wedding.

She had broken a rule, and she had paid a price. In her defence, she had a good reason to break that particular rule. But of course, she was not going to admit that to anyone – especially not her parents or the man she almost ruined along with herself.

She knew she had a choice to make when she discovered she was pregnant. She could go to him and tell him the truth – which she had done – but she also could have kept it a secret. The second idea seemed to be worse than the first. Her parents would ask who the father was. Her friends and strangers would ask who took away her virtue. They would all question why she allowed it to happen.

But she had feared her parents would banish her from their family if she told them the truth. So it seemed to her that the best option was to ask for some help. If lord Thomas felt responsible – which he did – he would take her as his wife. And even if her parents would banish her from her family, she would still have a house and someone to feed her.

If she could go back in time and change everything, she was not certain if she would change anything. Even if she could go back far enough to restore her virtue, she was not certain she would. Yes, it had brought her hardship, but everything was better than an arranged marriage with a man she knew was evil.

She shook her head and turned around to go back inside the house. She should not think of that man now. He was a part of the past, and he would always remain as such.

She startled when she noticed lord Thomas. He was standing in front of a large window on the first landing.

And he was looking at her.

How long had he been watching her from up there? She had been walking through the gardens almost every day, but she had never looked up the windows of the house. She had certainly never noticed him watching her.

When he realized she had seen him, he turned his head away and pretended to be looking in the other direction. But she had seen that his eyes had been on her.