There's a common refrain among fellow Wattpad Authors - the age old trope about having "writers block".
I don't believe in being blocked, and probably never will. I say that because right now I'm feeling a bit foggy, but have a head full of ideas. What I do feel is adrift. It's an odd place to be in, but that's the best way to describe it for now.
Maybe a little less introspection would be a great help because while I have full grasp of the process issues, action and resolution seem so far away that the distance between concept and actual writing is becoming further and further apart. And, if this is how January feels, maybe hibernating until Spring isn't such a bad idea. Except there's that thing about short attention spans and such.
"Be cool, or be cast out" as a favorite song goes. Which is kind of an interesting notion because this is supposed to be a creative space. Creative people are s'posed to quirky and be unique, right? Not always, it seems. It seems that Fandumbs have expectations, and the penalty for not performing as expected is to be shunned or ignored all together.
To be imperfectly honest, I've been on the brink of walking away from this space altogether as a creative outlet. Some people feed their angst and other assorted emotions by pouring it into their writing. Being the odd duck that I am means that just doesn't work for me. Writing while processing some of the extraordinary stressors in my day to day life makes me feel foggy and off balance. A long time ago, I made an agreement with myself that I will not break - to keep my creative writing in a certain headspace. So, being irate, annoyed or out of sorts isn't productive for me. No judgment on anyone who can bang out endless pages while being plagued with agita or anything similar. My muse won't even take my calls while I'm writing conflict if it's not in my heart. In real life, as in my writing I'm quite likely to summon up my quirky sense of humor to make sense of things. How quirky? Recently, while watching TV with a friend (visiting each other by phone) a commercial for almond milk aired. 'Hummph...' I scoffed nonchalantly. 'I ain't even know almonds had tiddies'. We laughed so hard my cheeks ached. Basically, this emoji —> 😂 The reaction to that bit of snark was so satisfying. Mostly because it wasn't expected.
This update has taken me a very long time to type up and post. Mostly because of various distractions in my immediate sphere. Nothing epic, just a million everyday things. Truth be told, each diversion had a reason. At least that's what I'm telling myself. Don't know if I believe it, but if pressed will argue that point until I'm breathless. (Not really, y'all. I'll walk away rather than go hammer and tongs about anything. I don't like being angry. You wouldn't like me if I was angry)
As I write this, I'm trying to find my way back. Planning my next story and all of the research that goes with. Although the Milk Street Television marathon that's on PBS right now isn't research, it's an enjoyable distraction that I won't apologize for. But, I do beg the pardon of two favorite people who are allowing me to ping back and forth between different stuff. Both of them hunkering down for ugly weather, but still making time for me. ✨BLESS✨
UPDATE: 1 Year and some Later - November 2021
So, it's been a while since I've visited this space, and a lot has happened in the meantime. Might discuss it in more detail in my Ambivert Ramblings book. Basically, life has shaken me like a rag doll and I'm kinda struggling.
Funny thing is I have a head full of ideas and plot bunnies just not the heart or patience to sit, drag them out of my thought bubble 👩🏾💻💭 and cobble those fragments into coherent, entertaining updates. Truth be told, I've been avoiding most social media and its adjacent friends. Pinterest has become my happy place because I can geek out sàns algorithm; searching, scrolling and pinning to my heart's delight.
Anyhoo... The "Annaverse" deserves a better champion so, hopefully I'll feel up to the task soon. All this brought a favorite song to mind - "Across The Universe", by The Beatles. I've chosen to share the Rufus Wainwright version, reasons... (meow😉)
Across The Universe
Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind
Possessing and caressing me
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes
They call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a restless wind
Inside a letter box they
Stumble blindly as they make their way
Across the universe
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Sounds of laughter shades of life are ringing
Through my open ears inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns
And calls me on and on across the universe
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva...
Guess I'm ready to re-engage. Gonna try, anyway. Contrary to the lyrics above, my world has changed. Some changes will be positive in the long run, others will need to be handled as events unfold while I make my peace with what's out of my control.
And that's all I have to say about that. (In my Forrest Gump voice.)
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