Insanity // Tododeku mafia AU

Why....?

It was 3 am... it was time.

I knew this most likely wasn't going to work, but I had to try. It's the only way that will even come close to working. I couldn't take it anymore. I hated him. I wanted him dead.

I sat in my bed, staring blankly at the wall. I have to do this, it's all I've ever wanted. I stayed up, waiting for this moment to come. I was prepared for the worst possible outcome.

I decided it was finally time, I had to do it. It wasn't going to hurt me at all. No. This is exactly what I want. I crawled out of my bed and crept down on my knees near the end of my bed. I put my hands under and pulled out a medium sized box. I stared at the box before finally deciding to open it.

The box contained 5 knives, each laid out perfectly, forming a straight line. I couldn't decide which one to use... but I settled on a shiny dagger. It was sharp enough to cut through stone, and it had tiny designs aligned on the handle.

I closed the box back up, shoving it under my bed. I stood up, making my way towards the door. My mind was spinning in circles, I couldn't think clearly. Part of me was screaming "this is wrong!" And the other half was saying "no it isn't. This is what you want, Shoto."

The voices... they wouldn't stop.
'You're a freak... how could you possibly be doing this to your own father??'
'You're no hero. You're a villian'
'No wonder he abuses you, you're worthless'
'That's why you're own mother burned your left side, you're just like him. A monster.'

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! GET OUT OF MY HEAD... THIS IS WHAT I WANT AND ITS WHAT IM GOING TO DO!!" I screamed, tears threatening to fall. I held my hands to my ears, trying to block out the voices.

"Snap out of it Shoto... you need to get this done." I mumbled to myself.

My hand shook as I reached for the door handle. I slightly cracked open the door, revealing the long hallway of my home. The voices continued to play on repeat in my mind, but I tried my hardest to block them out.

I could feel the cold wood of the floor on my bare feet as I crept to my fathers door. I gripped the knife tight in my hand, unable to process what I was actually about to do. But he needed to die... he puts my whole family through hell. Everyone would be thanking me... right?

I made it to my fathers room, my hands started to get clammy touching the door knob. I slowly opened the door, seeing my father sleeping peacefully. How the hell can someone so evil sleep so peacefully at night... number one hero my ass.

I tip toed over to his bed, not taking an eye off of his body. I stared at him in disgust. He was a horrible person. He's the reason mom is gone... he's the reason all of my siblings live their lives in fear... he's the reason I can't close my eyes for two god damned seconds without voices taking control of my mind.... He's the fucking reason I have endless scars on my wrists.

"You sick son of a bitch..." I whispered, lowering the knife closer to his chest. I took in this moment... I was about to kill my father and I didn't feel bad about it one bit.

My fingers trembled as I pushed the knife through my fathers chest without hesitation. I stabbed him right in the heart. Crimson ooze began to stain the bed sheets as I raised the knife, one again, planting it into my father.

His eyes opened wide, lost at what was happening. He struggled to speak, just mumbling.
"Sh...sho... Shoto... w- wh... what.. the... h.. hell..."
Is all he could get out. A deep rage burned inside of me. I wanted nothing but to never hear his voice again.

'Go ahead, lose control. It's what you've wanted, Shoto'
'Give him no mercy'
'Keep stabbing him until you can't even recognize his face anymore'

And that's exactly what I did.

I lost control completely, continuously piercing every part of his chest up with the dagger. Blood was splattered all over my clothes and face, along with the walls.

"ITS YOUR FUCKING FAULT!!! YOURE THE REASON OUR LIVES ARE A SHIT SHOW!!! MOM IS GONE BECAUSE OF YOU, YOUR CHILDREN HATE YOU, YOU MAKE ME COMPLETELY FORGET WHO I AM SOMETIMES..... I HATE YOU, YOU PEICE OF SHIT... I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL!!!"

I couldn't control my words, nor my hand at this point. My anger took control of me, and I couldn't stop stabbing him. His bloody, lifeless body made me smile slightly... everything was over. He's gone now. No more tears. No more fear. No more pain...

As I was thinking this, tears wouldn't stop flowing out of my eyes. Why was I crying? This was my dream, for him to be laying in his own pool of blood, unable to breathe.

'You're a monster Shoto..'
'You're crying because you're evil'
'What human being does this to his own flesh and blood'

"I- I'm a monster... I was supposed to be a hero... but I'm a monster. I'm a monster... I'm a monster, I'm a monster!!!" Each sentence grew louder and louder.

"IM A MONSTER.... I AM A FUCKING MONSTER!!!!" I screamed in pain. I was sitting on the floor, my legs tucked up in front of my face. The dagger was dyed red, and my hands were painted with the liquid spilling out of my fathers dead body. 

I rocked back and forward, processing what I've just done... I've murdered my own father. The man I've known since birth. But a small smile found its way onto my face, I was lost.

Did I regret it....?

No. Not at all.