Conflicted

Chapter Three

* Jonah's POV *

I slowly walked into the art room, smiling softly at the calmness that I felt. I always loved art class. I also loved the teacher. "Good Morning, Jonah," Mrs. Tones said softly, looking up towards me. "How was your summer?" she asked. "It was okay," I reply. A simple response, but I didn't have much to say. I spent the summer at home. I didn't like to go out unless I had to, so for the majority of the summer, I chose to stay home. "I um did a lot of drawing, though," I said, slowly walking over to her desk. "Oh? Let me see," she said with a smile. I gently slide my sketchbook onto the desk in front of her. My sketchbook was something I typically kept private, but Mrs. Tones was the only teacher here who knew my past, so I felt comfortable showing her what I worked on over the summer. Art was how I coped with my pain. It was the only thing I was able to do to express myself without the judgement of others. After looking through my sketchbook, she looked up at me. Even with a hint of sadness in her eyes, she still smiled. She never pitied me, which was nice. "They're beautiful, Jonah," she said softly, closing my sketchbook before handing it to me. "You're a wonderful artist." The compliment made me smile. "Thank you," I say, slowly walking over to the desk in the corner.

I always sat where I knew I'd probably be alone. Most people choose to sit in a group with their friends, so nobody ever came over to bother me. "Jonah." Mrs. Tones said, pulling me out of my thoughts. "My niece and nephew recently moved here and are starting today. I noticed my nephew had the same classes as you, and I was wondering if you could show him around." she continued. I felt a little confused at the request. She knew I was a target, so she had to know putting her nephew with me would make him a target. Mrs. Tones noticed my hesitation and sighed. "He's not like the other kids here. He's kind." I sigh softly and nod. I trust her. I know she wouldn't ask if she thought it would end badly. "Okay," I say softly, looking down at my paper sketchbook. "Thank you! I'll have him sit next to you," she chirped. I didn't want anyone to sit next to me, but I wasn't going to argue with Mrs. Tones' wishes.

The bell rang, and students started piling in taking their seats. I anxiously play with the sleeve on my shirt, waiting for Mrs. Tones nephew to come in, but he didn't. Everyone found a place to sit and Mrs. Tones began class. I looked out the window and zoned out, already knowing the majority of what Mrs. Tones was planning to go over today.

Thoughts of the past slowly begin to fill my mind. Something that often happened that I had very little control over. "Xavier! Stop hiding! Come out and face us!" I hear a voice call out. I slowly slid down the tree trunk and hugged my knees close to my body, hoping they wouldn't find me. I had nowhere else to hide, and there was no one around to stop them from doing whatever they planned to do. I hear a chuckle from behind the tree, and I instantly knew they had found me. "Pathetic." one of the boys said. I slowly look up and see them standing in a circle around me. Jessie, Noah, Omar and Chase were looking down at me. I looked at Chase with pleading eyes hoping that somehow he would stop them. An unreadable expression flashed across his face before he turned away. "Just get it over with I want to go home," Chase said bitterly. Suddenly I'm pulled to my feet causing me to yelp.

The loud sound of the classroom door pulls me from my thoughts. I could feel myself shaking lightly. I sigh softly and look over to see the black-haired boy before. He had a bruise on his cheek, forming where Elias hit him. Mrs. Tones gave him a concerned look but didn't ask, probably because she didn't want to cause a scene during class. "Sorry I'm late," he said apologetically. "I got a little lost," he said, sounding frustrated. The school had a lot of complicated hallways so that's not surprising. Mrs. Tones simply shrugged in response; she was a pretty understanding teacher. "Class, this is Chase. He's new here, so please welcome him kindly." Mrs. Tones smiled. "You can go have a seat next to Jonah." She said, pointing towards me. So the guy who helped me out early was Mrs. Tones nephew maybe she was right about him being a nice guy. He definitely couldn't be the same Chase I knew as a kid. If he was he would have ignored it. He slowly made his way over and sat at the desk next to me. I didn't know if I should say anything to him or if I should wait. I understand Mrs. Tones wanted me to be his friend, but I didn't know the first thing about being friends with someone, and I certainly didn't want him to think I was suddenly trying to force my friendship onto him. I looked down at my sketchbook. I didn't know what else to do all I could focus on was how anxious I was feeling. I can feel a panic attack coming and I can't stop it. I don't know how. "How's your stomach?" He said, breaking the silence. Pulling me out of the toxic cycle my mind was stuck in. Honestly, I had forgotten about the pain in my stomach from earlier. "I-I'm okay," I say quietly, still looking at my desk. I was terrible at talking to people. "Are you sure?" He asked skeptically. I slowly look up and nod in reply. Up close, his cheek looks far worse than it did when he was standing at the front of the class. "I'm sorry that h-he hit you. Does i-it hurt?" I ask softly. I did feel bad that Chase got hurt trying to help me. I wish I could have stopped it. Nobody deserves to get hurt because of me. Chase smiled in response, which confused me. "Don't apologize; you didn't punch me. If I were worried about taking a few hits, I wouldn't have stepped in, so please don't worry about that." He sounded so confident. Why did he even care about helping me? Nobody else did. People never want to stand up because they don't want to get caught in the crossfire, so why is this guy any different. I don't understand. Isn't it just better for me to be the target, so nobody else has to get hurt? I couldn't push away the thoughts. They just kept coming. I didn't even realize I had begun to cry. "Jonah, hey, what's wrong," Chase asked. I slowly brought my hands to my face feeling the moisture. I'm so weak now he's going to hate me too.

I quickly got up and ran out of the class, ignoring Chase and Mrs. Tones pleas for me to come back. I didn't want the anyone to see me like this. I often had panic attacks but I always tried to hide. I didn't want anyone to see it. I hear footsteps chasing me, causing me to panic more. I duck into the bathroom and hide in the wheelchair accessible stall beside the toilet. Soon I hear the bathroom door open. "Jonah, stop hiding." I hear Chase say as he pushes one of the stalls open. My mind goes back to elementary school. "Xavier, stop hiding! You're not going to like it if I have to come to find you!" The voice mocked. I could feel my body shaking.

I pull myself tightly into a hug, tears slowly streaming down my face. The stall door next to me slams, causing me to yelp. I cover my mouth, knowing I just gave away my hiding place. "Jonah, please open the door," Chase says softly. "G-Go away!" I say back more harshly than I meant too. If he didn't hate me before, he must hate me now. I hear a soft sigh. "I'm coming under the door." before I have a chance to argue, I see Chase crawl under the door into the stall with me. I was trapped now. Panic set in even harder than before and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Chase quickly noticed and knelt in front of me. I tried to back away, but I've cornered myself. "S-stay away from m-me. P-please I-i just wants people to s-stop hurting m-me."I say, hugging myself as tight as possible. "Jonah, I'm not going to hurt you." I can't believe him. I won't believe him. "N-no, you're j-just like him. H-He said he wouldn't h-hurt me. H-he promised. Y-you have the same name I-I can't trust you I-I won't." I say, my voice shaking. Chase looked blankly at me as if he was processing everything I had just said. "X-Xavier?" he asked in a questioning tone. How did he know my first name? Then it hit me. He was the same, Chase. How could I be so stupid?