Conflicted

Chapter Eleven

*Jonah's POV*

I lay back on my bed, looking towards the ceiling. I need a minute to process everything. I feel like Chase is hiding something from me. I know I haven't seen him for a while, but something seems different. I know he feels guilty for the past, but there has to be something else wrong. "Are you okay?" Aunt Cindy says, making me jump. She sighs softly and sits on the bed beside me. "You look like you have something on your mind." She adds, looking down at me. "Would you forgive someone who hurt you if you truly believed they felt terrible about it?" I asked. She sighed softly before responding. "I think that would depend on what they did. Why do you ask?" I sit up and look towards the ground. I have to tell her.

I can't keep this a secret, especially if I really am planning on being friends with Chase again. "I know Chase, we were friends when I was in elementary school for a little while at least. I ran away to the park one day after a pretty bad beating from my mother. He found me hiding behind a tree. I never told him what happened, but from that day forward, he told me he'd be my friend. I hadn't had a friend before then, and I haven't had one since." I say sadly. Aunt Cindy gently squeezed my hand, trying to comfort me. "What happened?" She asked softly. "Chase told me he was moving in with his dad for a little while and that he'd be coming to my school because his dad lived closer to it. I pretended to be excited, but I knew that would change everything." "Because you were being bullied?" Aunt Cindy asked. I nodded. "Chase never handled being made fun of. When we played at the park, sometimes the older kids would tease us. I never really let it bother me because I knew they could probably do a lot worse, but Chase took it pretty hard. I knew that once he started school with me and saw how the other kids treated me, he wouldn't stick around. I knew they would target him for being my friend." "So, he stopped being your friend?"

Aunt Cindy asked with a soft sigh. "He joined them," I said quietly. I slowly bring my hand to my cheek, tracing the scar. Aunt Cindy frowned. "He's the one who cut you, isn't he." She said, sounding angry. I nod. "He didn't want too, though. Even back then, I knew that. I can tell he regrets it. You can't fake that kind of sadness." I say, trying to defend him. Aunt Cindy's expression softened a little. "If you want to forgive him, I'm not going to stop you. I want you to be careful, okay?" She says before giving me a gentle kiss on my forehead. I smile lightly and nod. "I will." She smiles back and gets up, heading towards the door. "I'm going to go to bed. If your hungry, there are some leftovers in the fridge for you. I'm sorry I didn't have time to make anything for supper tonight." I shrug. "It's alright the leftovers need to get eaten anyway." She smiled and leaves closing my bedroom door behind her.

I wonder if I'm making the right decision. Aunt Cindy didn't seem too upset, so hopefully, that means that she thinks everything will be okay. I wish I didn't have such a hard time trusting myself and other people. It would probably make this whole situation easier if I did. My phone buzzes, pulling me out of my thoughts. I looked down and saw that I had a message from Chase. I'm surprised he'd message me so soon after giving him my number.

Chase:

Hey Jonah, This might seem like a weird question, but how do you typically get to school?

He was right. That was a weird question. Should I tell him the truth? I mean, I guess there's really no point in lying to him.

Me:

I walk. I don't like taking the bus too many people.

His reply comes pretty quickly. I guess he was waiting for my response.

Chase:

I thought that might be the case. I was wondering if you wanted a ride. I live nearby so it wouldn't be a problem. You'd just have to deal with my little sister. :P

I didn't even know Chase had a little sister. He's never mentioned her before. I wonder how much younger she is. I decided not to question that though I'm sure I'd know soon enough. I sigh softly, not really sure how to reply. I don't mind walking to school. It's calming, but it would probably be rude to turn him down. I know he's just trying to be helpful.

Me:

I really don't mind walking.

Chase:

Isn't it almost an hour's walk, though? If I drove you, you'd have some extra time to sleep in. :)

Sleeping in has never really been a priority I hate sleeping. I don't really want to have that conversation, though, especially not over text messaging. I guess it can't hurt to agree this one time.

Me:

If you're sure, it won't be a problem. I don't really want to be a burden. Everyone has a morning routine they like to follow. I don't want to mess up yours.

Chase: 

I just moved here I don't have a morning routine established yet so don't worry about it. You're not a burden if I thought it would be a big deal to pick you up, I wouldn't have offered in the first place.

I guess he had a point. People usually don't make offers they don't want to follow through with. I think I'm just overthinking everything again. I really need to stop doing that.

Me: 

Alright. What time works for you, then?

Chase: 

How does 8:00 sound? It gives us time to get to school and get our things before class starts.

Me: 

Sounds good. Thank you.

Chase: 

See you tomorrow! :)

I sigh softly and put my phone down before laying on my bed. I don't really understand why Chase wants to make things right with me so badly. Most people want to forget those types of situations and move forward with their lives. I guess I'm not really one to talk though I can't seem to move forward from the past. Either it still haunts me even after six years. I know Dr. Jonson says that these things take time, but I really wish time would just skip ahead to me feeling like an average person. I hate thinking about the past, but most of the time, it's the only thing I can think about.