Conflicted

Chapter Fourteen

*Chase's POV*

"But I don't want you to leave!" Melody shouted, pulling on my sleeve. I frown I didn't want to leave either, but I need to protect my little sister. "I want to come too!" Melody said sadly, tears starting to pool in her eyes. "You can't come with me," I say softly. "Yes, I can!" I sighed. "Melody, you're a smart girl, you know why you can't come." Melody furrowed her eyebrows looking annoyed with my statement. "I'm eight! I'm not that smart." She said, sticking her tongue out at me. "Mom can't afford to take care of both of us right now on her own. I'm only going to live with dad for a little while until she gets back on her feet." I tried to explain. "Dad's a meanie! You can't live with him, Chase!" Melody exclaimed, sounding even more upset than before. "I'm a tough boy. I'll be okay." Melody continues to frown but chooses not to say anything else. I sigh and sit on the floor, patting the spot next to me. She looks down at me, confused before sitting next to me. I smile softly and pull her into my lap. "I won't have anyone to talk to if you're gone," Melody said softly. "Use the notebook I got you for your birthday. Anytime you're feeling lonely and want to talk to me, write it in there. When I come back, I can read it all. And who knows, maybe with me gone? Mom will have more time to spend with you." I say with a reassuring smile. "Will you really read all of it?" she asks, sounding unsure. "Of course! I want to know what you got up too while I was gone." I say, hugging her tightly. "I know you'll miss me, but I promise I'm coming back," I say softly. I felt terrible leaving my sister alone with a basically absent mom, but I knew the alternative would be much worse. I don't want my little sister to ever have to deal with dad's abuse ever again, even if that means putting myself into it for a while to protect her. Everything suddenly went dark.

"You disgust me! God, I wish that women never got me to agree to take you in!" Dad's angry voice shouted, pulling me out of the darkness. He stood in front of me, holding a near-empty beer bottle. I didn't know what I had done this time to anger the beast I call my father. "I saw you hanging out with that pretty boy! He, your boyfriend?" He said, sounding even angrier. "N-No Xavier is just my friend's dad. It's no-" I'm cut off by a hard slap to the cheek. "The hell I'm going to let my boy grow up to be a fairy!" Darkness came once again.

"I um I can show you around if you want." Xavier's soft voice pulled me out of the darkness once more. I looked around and saw the gates to our elementary school. "Sure," I say softly. We slowly walk in together and are quickly bombarded with stares. Xavier is notably uncomfortable. "The kids here don't really like me." He says, looking down. "Why not?" before he has a chance to answer, I feel myself being pushed down to the ground. "New kid, huh?" Jessie says in a mocking tone. I look up and see Omar and Noah holding Xavier's arms behind his back. He looks terrified. What is going on? "Don't hang around with this loser. You'll catch a case of the gay!" Jessie said, snickering before pushing Xavier in the stomach. I wanted to help, but I felt powerless. I wanted so badly to shout at him to stop but I couldn't. The words wouldn't leave my mouth. If I interfered, they'd surely hurt me too.

"Chase, wake up!" Melody's voice called to me. I slowly opened my eyes and noticed my sister looking at me, concerned. "Are you okay?" She asked softly. "Yeah, it was just a bad dream," I respond, slowly sitting up. "You've been having more nightmares recently. Are you sure you're okay?" Melody asked once again, not sounding very convinced. "I guess I just have a lot on my mind," I admit, slowly sitting up so that I can face her properly. "Do you want to talk about it?" She asked sweetly. "Just stuff with dad mostly," I say with a sigh Melody frowns. "Mostly?" She asked curiously.

"Jonah was in my dream as well. Before when I dreamed about him, it was usually good things, but now my mind is stuck on the bad." I say with a sigh before looking down at the ground. "Maybe seeing him again has stirred up the guilt you had inside," Melody suggests making me frown. She was probably right. I've always felt guilty, but I guess not having Jonah around made it easier to push the guilty thoughts away. "You're right," I say softly. Melody gently pats my back. "I'm sure the guilty feeling will go away as you two grow closer again. I know it probably won't ever stop it completely, but you never know." Melody says, trying to be reassuring. I smile softly and nod. "Do you ever feel guilty about things in the past?" I ask curiously. Melody sighs and nods.