Conflicted

Chapter Five

*Jonah's POV*

"X-Xavier?" he asked in a questioning tone. "Don't call me that," I respond much harsher than I meant to. I look down towards the floor, feeling bad. I just hated my first name. It reminds me too much of everything that happened in the past. Nobody has called my Xavier for almost six years. "Did you run away because you knew it was me?" Chase asked, sounding pretty sad. I hated making people unhappy. He wasn't the reason I ran away, though. I mean, I guess he was part of it, but he didn't do anything wrong. "N-no," I say softly, still looking towards the ground. "Then, why?" I flinched scared of the tone of his voice.

I wasn't trying to make him angry. I guess I have to answer him if I don't, he might hurt me. "p-panic attacks." I finally respond, feeling embarrassed. "I-I get trapped i-in my thoughts. I-I can't make the memories s-stop." I add, trying not to sound pathetic. I can't really help it though I can't even stop the tears from falling. I wasn't very good at talking to people. I felt like I should just be straight forward. He'll probably use it against me at some point, but it's too late to take it back now. "It's okay; you don't have to talk about it. I'm sorry if I made you feel like you had to tell me." Chase says softly.

I don't understand why he's acting so nice right now. What's his plan. Does he want to gain my trust just to break it all over again? I'm not going to let that happen. Not again. I don't need friends. "I'm not going to hurt you. I know you don't believe me, and I don't expect you too, but I promise to prove that to you. I'm not going to let you suffer anymore. I've caused you enough pain. I've wanted nothing more in these last six years than to make things right with you." Chase says, breaking me from my thoughts. I look up at him and notice a few tears, slowly rolling down his cheek. He's only cried in front of me once before, and this is nothing like that. Why is he so upset. I hate seeing people upset.

Chase knows that, though, so maybe this is all just a ploy to get me to trust him. Either way, I guess I should still try and make him feel better. I don't want to be the reason someone is upset. I slowly reach out and gently wipe the tears off his face with the palm of my hand. He blinked and gave me a confused look. Part of me wanted to laugh at the look he gave me, but I figured that was probably a bad idea. "Don't take all the credit; you weren't the only one who hurt me," I say softly, slowly moving my hand away from his face.

The door to the boy's bathroom closes, making me jump a little. A familiar voice follows. "Boy's, please come out." Of course, Mrs. Tones knew where to find me. I guess the bell rang. I never heard it through. Chase sighs softly and gets up and unlocks the door letting Mrs. Tones in. She looks down at me with her soft eyes and sighs. "Jonah, you can't just run away in the middle of a lesson like that, we've talked about this." I looked down, feeling ashamed. Mrs. Tones was the only teacher here who actually cared about me, and now I've burdened her once again.

Why do I always do that? "Jonah had a panic attack, auntie Jenn. Please don't be mad at him," Chase says, defending me. I almost forgot he was her nephew. Mrs. Tones sighs softly and steps in front of me, holding out her hand. I look up and slowly take it. She pulls me up and into a gentle hug. "I thought they were getting better." She said softly. I felt a wave of emotions hit me. They were getting better, but the nightmares came back over the summer, and now I can't push the anxious feelings away. I feel tears slowly fall from my eyes. "I-I'm sorry." is all I can force myself to say. All I ever do is let people down. "Let's go to the office and call your aunt." I simply nod in response, not wanting to argue. "Chase meets me in my class in 20 minutes. I want to talk to you." She says sternly. "But I have a class thi-" Chase starts but gets cut off. "It's fine. I'll let the office know."

Mrs. Tones sighs and takes my hand, leading me to the office. I didn't want to go home. It meant Aunt Cindy had to leave work to come and get me. Now I'm burdening three people. Once we're in the office, Mrs. Tones asks the secretary to call my Aunt and then leads me to a quiet room. I can only guess she wants to talk. I didn't mind though Mrs. Tones was one of the few people I actually liked to talk too. "What triggered it." She asked, looking at me with a questioning expression. I sigh softly and look down. "Chase got hurt defending me this morning. I was scared he hates me for it just like the boy back in elementary school."

I say, feeling stupid for my reasoning. "Not everybody is the same." She replied. I knew she was trying to make me feel better, but she didn't see the truth. Every part of me screamed not to tell her, but I had to tell somebody. "He is the same, though. He's literally the same person!" I say, looking up at her with tears in my eyes. "Chase bullied me in elementary school because everybody knew I was gay. He transferred to my school and was my only friend, so people assumed he was my boyfriend, so they went after him. After that, Chase joined them to prove that he wasn't. H-he was my only friend...H-he gave me the scar on my cheek to prove to them that he didn't care about me. W-why w-would he c-care now." suddenly, I feel arms wrap around me tightly.

I can't stop the tears, no matter how hard I try. "Jonah, I had no idea. I knew you were from the same town, but I would have never imagined that he could hurt someone like that." I shake my head. "Don't be mad at him," I say softly. "He was scared. I-i don't blame him." I add. "I know I have no right to ask this Jonah, but please give him a second chance. He's been through a lot these past few years. Your more similar than you might think." I didn't want to trust Chase, but I didn't want to let Mrs. Tones down. I figure she probably does know better Chase better than I do. I wonder what she means by similar, though. I won't ask. Not right now. "I-I can try," I say with a sigh. "Thank you." She pulls away from the hug and whispers. "I have to go. Will you be okay waiting here for your Aunt by yourself?" I nod and sit in the chair. "See you tomorrow," I say softly.

Mrs. Tones waves and walks out of the room. Now I just have to sit and wait quietly for my Aunt. I hope she's not mad at me. I feel bad that she has to leave work for me.